Expect the best, prepare for the worst
Tim Connor
No one knows
when adversity will strike - their career, a relationship, your health,
finances or just life in general. The death of a loved one, an illness that you
never thought would impact you or a financial crisis that you never saw coming.
Everyone wants the best to happen in their life and if they had a choice, I'm
sure most people would like to avoid adversity, difficulties and the fear of
uncertainty, if they could. The best way to go through life is to always deal
in reality, stay in the present moment, expect the best but always prepare for
the worst.
There is a
wide body of evidence over the past 100 years from a mixed variety of resources
that all agree that there are nine areas that impact a person's life and its
outcomes whether positive, negative or neutral;
-Expectations
-Life outlook
-Resolve
-Overcoming fear
-Resilience
-Degree of optimism or realism
-Showing appreciation
-Managing your stress
-Preparation
-Life outlook
-Resolve
-Overcoming fear
-Resilience
-Degree of optimism or realism
-Showing appreciation
-Managing your stress
-Preparation
Let's take a
look at these in more detail.
-Expectations
One of the
biggest causes of frustration and disappointment in life is the unrealized
expectations life's outcomes. Why won't my: kids, spouse, employees, friends
and so on, act the way I think they should? They never will, so relax and let
it go.
The
execution of all behavior by others is in their hands, not yours. I am not
implying here that you should never have expectations. I am only saying that if
you want to spend a lot of time and energy being disappointed, expect others
and life to do - whatever you want or need!! Sooner or later everyone - yes,
everyone in life - will let you down. That includes friends, parents, spouses,
kids, bosses and customers.
To manage
your expectations means that you understand that - life happens - period. We
are all learning every day, either by accident, design, or on purpose, but we
are all learning what life wants us to learn now.
-Resilience
One of the
critical skills for ongoing success is the ability to bounce back from
adversity. Sooner or later in life, everyone experiences failure,
disappointment, and setbacks, or loses the desire or purpose to keep on keeping
on.
Just because
you have failed, doesn't mean you are a failure. Just because you have achieved
success, that doesn't make you a success. Many people have hit bottom, only to
climb out and achieve greatness later in life, and many people have done great
things easily or early in life only to end up broke, alone and without any
lasting feeling of accomplishment.
There has to
be more to life than having everything, knowing everything and doing
everything. There is, but its value will often be lost to you while you are in
this relentless search for more. Resilience is not just about attracting and
accumulating outside-in stuff, but gaining in inside-out wisdom, understanding,
compassion, trust and patience.
-Overcoming
fear
Fear does
strange things to many people. It causes them stress, anxiety, frustration,
anger and uncertainty, and often immobilizes them against any action - rational
or otherwise. Fear restricts blood flow, limits our vision, raises our blood
pressure, and prevents clear thinking.
Fear -
healthy fear - is a positive attribute in the right places and at the right
times. It can prevent us from taking foolish and often life-threatening
actions, and it can heighten our awareness that something is wrong or needs our
attention. What is your typical reaction to those events, circumstances or
people that bring fear into your consciousness? Do you run and hide? Confront
it or them? Go into denial? Ignore it? Procrastinate on an action that will
quickly eliminate the cause of your fear?
Years ago, I
read a line that I have often forgotten when I needed it the most - when you
confront your fears, you will overcome them. When you ignore that which you are
afraid of, it will haunt your mind, body and life like a relentless villain.
Fear can be
a positive emotion. But for most people, it stands between them and the
fulfillment of their dreams. Refuse to let this character rule your life. Do
something, anything. Take action. Do it now. Don't give fear a foothold in your
life and your thoughts.
-Resolve
What is
resolve? Is it persistence, commitment, dogged determination or just plain old
self-motivation? Don't have an answer to that folks. I do know however, that it
costs more to fail than to keep on keeping on. There is a point in every
relationship, career, project or goal where our resolve to go on is tested.
Winners realize that they have to break through this barrier before they can
enjoy the real fruits of their labor. Quitters, on the other hand, give up at
the first sign of resistance or adversity.
-Degree of
optimism or realism
Years ago,
Lionel Tiger wrote a book called: Optimism, the Biology of Hope. In it, Tiger
puts forward the premise, after a great deal of research, that people who are
optimistic tend to live longer and get sick less often than people who are
pessimistic and negative. So in the middle we have realistic. What is
realistic? No one knows. If you would have told an Emerson, Bell or numerous others that what they were
experimenting with was unrealistic they would all have had to agree with you.
So why did they continue the relentless pursuit of something new in the face of
uncertain outcomes, constant discouragement, tremendous skepticism and public
scorn? Because they didn't know what couldn't be done. They didn't know what
was impossible.
They kept at it not because they knew for certain that their
efforts would sooner or later pay off, they kept at it because of their
tremendous optimism. If they had been realistic, it could have been years later
before we had a telephone or electricity.
Have you
ever attempted something that you believed in for no obvious reason? What did
people around you say? Be realistic. It can't be done. No one has ever done it.
In my
opinion, being realistic is just another form of being negative. Who knows what
isn't possible? No one. The only way we determine what is or isn't possible is
to try. Problem is, many people give up just when they are on the verge of
success. So their reaction is "I guess you were right, it is impossible. I
was being unrealistic."
-Managing
your stress
Are you
slowly killing yourself? If you have never read an article about stress, you
have probably just landed here from some distant planet. I will also wager,
that if you are an employee, employer, parent, spouse, student, retired working
- on and on - you know the symptoms of stress. You may not however be totally
aware of the causes and how you are contributing to this deadly killer.
Each of us
daily, even hourly, must confront people, circumstances and issues that bring
with them a great potential for stress however we cannot stick our head in the
sand and ask the world to go away. We must deal in the hectic, fast-paced,
ever-changing world of business and relationships. And we must survive as well
as we can as we go about these daily routines. Most of us create our own stress
and our stress reactions. We do so in a variety of ways.
But most of
all, we fail to keep any or all of these in perspective as we move through the
moments and days of our life. So why do we do this to ourselves? And we do it
to ourselves. No one does it to us.
We do it in
the name of; success, financial gain, profit, competition, winning, better,
bigger, sexier, younger, wiser, more and more and more. And in the long run, we
end up with less. Less satisfying relationships, poor health, less fun, less
happiness and less pure joy of living. We miss a friend's smile. We long for a
peaceful day.
We cheat
ourselves of the simple things of life that money cannot buy. Life is not
perfect. Relationships are not perfect. Business is never perfect. People are
not machines. Life is to be lived one joyous minute at a time. Stress keeps you
locked in the future or the past and out of the present. Stress, in my opinion,
is the single greatest threat to happiness, joy and a truly rewarding life. I
hope I have your attention. If you are under stress, you don't need me to tell
you. Your body is doing an excellent job of telling you this very minute. You
are either ignoring the signals or overriding them with drugs, pills or
stimulants of some kind.
-Life
outlook
Life outlook
is everything when it comes to both the highs and lows of life. Life outlook
says, "I can handle this, it's no big deal, things will work out, I'm
better than what I am facing, I can overcome." Or it says, "I'm
doomed, I'm not worthy, I'm going to crash and burn; things always turn out
badly for me."
Life outlook is the result of a variety of experiences, early conditioning, self-esteem and mindsets that are developed over the years.
Life outlook is the result of a variety of experiences, early conditioning, self-esteem and mindsets that are developed over the years.
If you want
to prevent a variety of future valleys or at least their impact on your life,
it would be wise to do a "Life Outlook" audit. By this I mean, spend
some time reflecting on your past experiences and your reactions to them. You
might also want to ask some of the people close to you a simple question,
"How would you describe my life outlook?"
-Showing
appreciation
The number
one reason why people fail to overcome difficult times and challenges is they
fail to show appreciation for what they have and stay focused in what is
missing in their life. There is conclusive evidence that people who can keep a
mindset of appreciation have less trouble handling adversity than those who are
always whining, complaining or staying stuck in a victim mentality.
-Preparation
It's been
said that luck is nothing more than preparation meeting opportunity. So what is
proper preparation? There are three areas; attitudes, activities and decisions.
Proper preparation in your attitudes is to deal both in reality and what you
can control. It makes no sense to fret over those things you can't control -
wasted time, energy and effort. Worry is a killer and most people spend more
time worrying about things they can't control than focusing on actions and
behaviors in those things they can control.
Preparation
in activities is simply using common sense, a practical life outlook and
blending past lessons with future plans and goals then operating in your now
moments with confidence and poise.
Preparation
in decision making is all about learning from the past - it's mistakes,
failures, wrong judgments and errors and learning from them. It's about not
trying to just make right decisions but focusing on making the decisions made
to turn out correctly. Wrong decisions can turn our well and right decisions
can often turn out badly. The key to effective preparation is to be fully aware
of your personal blind spots, prejudiced agendas and mindsets and personal
beliefs that are not grounded in reality. Once you have accomplished this you
are now ready to make better decisions, create sound plans of action and create
the steps necessary to achieve your desired outcomes.
Let me close
with a few questions;
What are
your mindsets when it comes to these six vital life outlooks?
Are they
creating inner peace. happiness and success?
Do you need
to improve or change your approaches or attitudes in any of the above?
If yes, are
you willing to do so?
If yes, when
are you going to start and what are you going to do?
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