Thursday, April 28, 2016

Just because something isn’t wrong - doesn’t make it right!

Just because something isn’t wrong -

doesn’t make it right!

Tim Connor

Wrong -incorrect, mistaken, in error, erroneous, inaccurate, inexact, imprecise.

Right - just, fair, proper, good, upright, righteous, virtuous, moral, ethical.

Now that we have that out of the way let’s dig a little deeper into the concepts of right and wrong and how we approach each choice.

There are several ways to look at right and wrong – in relationships, careers, money, friends, activities etc.  Let’s look at just three;

Careers – So, you have a job offer and it meets all of your criteria – benefits, salary, requirements, roles, expectations etc. but for some internal reason it just doesn’t feel right.  You consider – I could do worse or what’s the worst that could happen – I can handle that.  But, again for some reason which you can’t explain it just doesn’t feel right. So, what do you do – take the offer or wait for something better?

Accepting it would by all appearances not seem wrong but is it right?  That’s the question.

Or, you are being offered a promotion but it will require moving yourself and or your family to a new state and starting over.  Yes, the position and salary increase are what you have always wanted and felt you deserve but again, something inside you has you questioning this offer.  You can’t put your finger on it as it seems right on the surface but then again what are the direct and indirect short and long term consequences on your family, friends etc.?  And are they worth it?  So many questions.  So much to consider.

Let me ask you in hindsight have you ever made a choice or decision that you thought was right given what you knew at the time and it turned out poorly?  Welcome to the club.  And by the way – if you haven’t sooner or later you will.

Relationships – So you just met Mr. or Ms. perfect, right or just what you have been looking for your entire life and you decide to throw yourself into the relationship 100% but over time you realized that there were signs or early signals that you overlooked that now are becoming deal breakers. Okay – there are millions of single people in the US and the chances are that you can or will ever meet 1% of them is unlikely so when you feel you have found your one and true Soulmate you are all in.  Be careful – could there possibly be just a few others out there who might or could be right or better?

Again, let me ask you in hindsight have you ever made a poor relationship choice and realized it long after you had invested a great deal of time, energy, commitment and even resources?  Welcome to the same club folks

How about life in general – I could go on for pages about the numerous poor choices, decisions etc. I have made during my life journey but I won’t bore you as I’m not looking for your pity.  Let me just say that sooner or later we all make decisions and choices we think are good because they are not wrong but this doesn’t make them right.  The answer is simple make the choice and do whatever you can to make it the right choice and if that is not possible – walk away.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

If you had three life wishes

If you had three life wishes

Tim Connor

I’m not your personal Genie but let me ask you – if you had three life wishes what would they be and one of them can’t be you want more wishes?

Better health?  Better relationships?  More money? Better career? Happiness? Inner peace? Power, fame or control over your life?  These could go on for pages but the question remains – what would your three wishes be or better still – why haven’t they become a reality in your life and are still desires, needs or wants?

So, let’s see what is missing in your life and why?  I won’t deal with every issue or desire but just four of them; control, success, relationships and money.

You wish you had more control – There are very few things in life we can control – the behavior of others, the weather, the economy, politicians – shall I go on? If this is true why do so many people stress out when things don’t go the way they planned, want or expect?  Many reasons – fear, ego, arrogance, insecurity or the simple belief that life is in many ways within their domain to control.  I have news for those of you who are minor or major “control freaks” get over it – you will never have control of most of what happens during your life.

Yes, you can control where you choose to go to college, who you date or marry, what career you select, where you choose to live, what you eat and how you make decisions.  So Tim it sounds like I have control over more than you suggest.  Well, yes, no and it depends.

Can you control your professor’s behavior, expectations or how they teach?  Can you control the actions of your spouse or significant other?  Can you control how your boss or organization makes policies that impact you? Can you control the actions of your next door neighbor? Can you control your body’s reaction to what you eat or drink?  Getting the drift here?

Yes you can control all of the decisions and actions you choose to take but that’s it folks from then on most of what happens is in the hands of God, someone else or just circumstances in general.

OK so you decide to move to Arizona so you can have year round sunshine but what about the extraordinary heat in summer?  So you choose to buy a new car and within a few months you have an issue with its performance?  Again, need I go on?

You wish your relationships were better – Relationships are dynamic and are constantly changing based on a variety of factors such as – expectations, emotions, uncertainty and communication patterns.  They are either getting better or are heading in the wrong direction.  If you want a better relationship with anyone the first place you need to look is in the mirror and what or who you are bringing to that relationship.  You don’t or can’t change others that is up to them – the why, how and when.

You wish you had more money –If your definition of success is based on your income, investments, what you own or where you live or your bank balance you will never be satisfied as no matter how much you have you will always want more.  Good luck with that.  Money does not or never will bring happiness or inner peace.  Yes, it will permit you to keep buying stuff, travelling and owning but in the end it has been proven time and time again that these are shallow ingredients that never satisfy the heart’s desire for inner peace.

You wish you had greater success – Success is a process that is constantly impacted by many factors but the most important one is how you choose to define success.  If your definition of success is based on circumstances you can’t control you will live with constant disappointment and frustration.  If you define success as what you have sooner or later you will lose it.  If you define success only by achievement how do you behave when you fail?

Let’s wrap it up.

OK, what are your three wishes?  Are they grounded in reality or fantasy?  Will they ultimately give you the outcomes you want?  Will they create greater challenges or problems you must deal with? Will they give you more happiness or inner peace? If you are granted them, will you in hindsight regret asking for it?  Get the point?  There is more to getting what you want in life than often meets the eye.  So before you make these wishes or travel down these roads, make sure you can live with the consequences.