Friday, June 29, 2018

Resistors or acceptors in life - who wins?

Resistors or acceptors in life – who wins?

Tim Connor

Today we are hearing a lot about “resistance” and not just in politics.  Is this a serious issue when it comes to success, business and or career growth, better and improving relationships, health, and just about every life circumstances or does it matter either way your approach or attitude regarding this subject?  The answer is – yes – whether you are a ‘resistor or an acceptor’ matters in many ways when it comes to areas of life that you might not have considered. Just because you disagree with someone does not make you a resistor and just because you go along with something does not make you an acceptor.  What I am referring to here is a broader interpretation of these two life approaches and how either mindset influences, not just the bigger life issues but the subtle ones as well.

If you have a few minutes and you are not sure in the broader sense which is your tendency I hope to make it clearer or easier for you to determine which is your primary approach and what is the impact it might be having on your life.

Resistance does not just deal with how you treat others and or their opinions or values.  This issue impacts your health, longevity, happiness in general, your security and your life approaches.

What is resistance?  There are many definitions here’s just one; the refusal to accept or comply with something; the attempt to prevent something by action or argument.

OK regarding the definition above – what is “something”?  Is it or could it me everything?  Anything?  I guess it just depends whether you resist or accept its definition.  See where I’m going with this?

So far in less than 300 words you are already resisting or accepting something.  Again, what is something?

The benefits of resisting and accepting.

Yes, resisting some things in life is a smart move, things like; driving drunk, drugs, stupid people, overeating every meal, working for really bad bosses and putting up with emotional or physical abuse and yes there are many more things.  So, let me be clear when I talk about resisting it’s not because I am a liberal or a conservative but because I am a person.

However, resisting other things can be stupid as well, things like; learning, wise counsel or advice from others, admitting personal mistakes or weaknesses and smart money and health management.

To save you a little time - accepting is nothing more than the opposite of resisting regardless of the situation, person or event.

So, how do we know what to resist and why?  Keep reading.

The pitfalls of resisting and accepting.

Both resisting and accepting are grounded in a great deal more than just what is happening or who is involved. Your response to everything is based on a wide variety of attitudes, beliefs, opinions, experience, goals, etc. etc. So, in any given situation who knows which are the most influential? But what I can say is that I guarantee there is a pattern to your resistance or acceptance and that pattern is probably driving a majority of your actions, choices, decisions, and behaviors.

It doesn’t matter whether you are hitting the remote on your TV, screaming at a driver in front of you, complaining to a spouse about anything, teaching your kids rules, treating a customer or fellow employee inappropriately – whatever – I’ll bet the triggers that determine your behaviors are predictable.

Is it envy or forgiveness, blame or compassion, anger or support, jealousy or understanding, frustration or patience – the list is endless.

A quick example – while writing this article I received an email from a total stranger that I had emailed earlier in the week who is in a position to hire me for a future speaking engagement. It’s just been a part of my marketing strategy for many years. Anyway, his response was – “Get Lost”.  That’s it.  So, a resistor or acceptor?  Who knows but what I do know is acceptors tend to avoid resistors and vice versa.

So, what’s the best approach?

Again, this answer is a depends.  Depends on what?  Well, consider; will the response improve or destroy some area of your life or a relationship?  Will the answer contribute to success or failure, inner peace or anxiety, contentment or frustration?  And how do we know since we can determine or predict the future?  It’s called experience, wisdom and learning folks.  If you have not paid attention to your past actions and decisions and their outcomes you will tend to repeat the same mistakes.  Guilty?  I am.  If you don’t consider both and long and short-term impact of something it could go very bad either in the long or short term.  If you are driven by ego and arrogance I will guarantee sooner or later, you will accept when you should have resisted and resist when you should have accepted.

Sometimes either approach can lead to positives and/or negatives. We just can’t know the future and all of its ramifications, complications, and uncertainties.  All we can do is bring wisdom (experience, knowledge, information, maturity, discernment, and confidence) to the process and each situation or person.  And then manage it as best we can given our knowledge, information, experience, and mindsets.

Monday, June 25, 2018

There are 3 types of people in the world.

There are three Types of People.

Tim Connor

Yes, there are millions of types of people but, they all fall into one of three categories (for the sake of this article) – yes people, no people and maybe people.  Let me explain.

But before I do, let me be clear – your response to the following will tend to be an automatic quick reaction to what you read.  In other words, you will be an example of what the point of the article actually is - you will have a yes, a no or a maybe response to the content of this article and what and how I share it.  OK, now that that’s out of the way, on to the substance.

Yes, people are not pie in the sky optimists but tend to see the world as half full vs. half empty.  They tend to have open minds even about things they are uncomfortable with or know little about.  Their first reaction to meeting new people, new ideas, not opportunities and yes even new problems and challenges are – a yes – I can do it, I can figure it out, I will make it work, I won’t let it derail me, I won’t let it ruin me, I won’t give it control over me etc.  They are not always easy to persuade or influence just because they are yes people, but they are more open and receptive to new and different stuff, ideas, people, and circumstances.

No people, on the other hand, are just the opposite of yes people.  Their first responses to most stuff is a quick – no – I can’t, it won’t work, it’s too expensive, too cheap, too old, too new, he’s too arrogant, she’s too short etc. get it – these folks are closed off from almost anything and everything that represents new, change, better, different etc.

And then there are maybe people.  These folks can go either way – yes or no, but their reaction and responses will generally be governed by a number of factors.  Their need for approval, their need to avoid rejection, their self-esteem, their desire to avoid conflict, their desire to contribute to positive outcomes regardless of whether they are based on or grounded in truth, reality or evidence.  They have decision phobia when any of the above situations are in play.  Yes, they can be yes people, but when it suits the circumstances, environment or outcomes and yes, they can be no people depending on the same issues.  A few things to consider and I’ll keep them short.

What are the major contributors to which group a person is in?

Your upbringing and early conditioning by parents, caregivers, churches, schools and teachers, relatives, friends and anyone who had temporary or permanent influence over what you learned, what and who you were exposed to and everything you were taught.  Most psychologists agree that a person’s self-esteem is established at the latest by age 10.  So, before you hit your teens you tended to be a yes, no or a maybe person.

Can someone successfully switch groups permanently?

Yes, but it’s not easy and takes time, a lot of effort, great patience, focus, new learning, a lot of will and a great deal of desire to change.  It’s harder for no people to change and it takes more time for a maybe person to change.

Which group tends to be happier and more content?

What do you think?  And why – if you were right -It’s yes people. Can no or maybe people be happy and content?  Of course, but it’s not an easy journey for them.

Which group tends to be more successful?

What do you think?  And why – if you were right - It’s yes people.  Can no or maybe people be successful?  Of course, but it’s not an easy journey for them.

Which group tends to be healthier?

What do you think?  And why – if you were right - It’s yes people.  Can no or maybe people be healthy?  Of course, but it’s not an easy journey for them.  Sensing a pattern here?

Which group tends to live longer?

What do you think?  And why – if you were right - It’s yes people.  Can no or maybe people live long lives?  Of course, but it’s not an easy journey for them.

There are a lot of other areas we could discuss that specifically address each group and its issues, circumstances, tendencies, behaviors, attitudes etc. but if you are a no person I have lost you by now.  If you are a maybe person you are conflicted because of certain things I have said and if you are a yes person you have other things to do and I’m not telling you anything you don’t know or have felt or believed in the past and I have just put words to the subject and it’s time for you to move on to something else.