Friday, June 30, 2017

Are you learning more from your adversity or your successes?

Do you learn more from your trials and adversity or from your blessings and successes?

Tim Connor

Think this is a redundant, stupid or foolish question?  Then why not go back to your daily “to do” list.  If not – read on you might see a few things differently as a result.

First of all, let me state the obvious – everyone in life faces adversity, trials, hardships etc. of some kind in life sooner or later.  No one is privileged to escape pain while they live their life journey - whether financial, relationship, career, business or health.

Before I move on let me state one more common obvious fact – no one handles, reacts, manages or deals with life’s issues the same as everyone else.  Some use them to whine and complain – others use them to grow, improve or mature. While others sit there in a coma wondering – what should I (can I) do?

Before we move on however, I’m sure you know which camp you are in the whining one hopefully this article will be of value to you.  If you are in the growing camp I’m sure you know someone who is in the whining group, so why not read it and then forward it to them – you never know - it might just be what they need today.

OK, back to my message.

Success can teach us many things – what works, what feels good, what is of value in our life or the life of others, that we are on the right path and doing the right things etc.  But, here’s the problem with successes lessons – they tend to prevent us from looking at what isn’t working or wrong or how what we are doing could be working even better.  Consistent success tends to keep people stuck – yes, they have had many success benefits but imagine for a moment if they could achieve even better success if they would learn to see past their success to what could be?

Everyone has achieved some degree of success in some areas of their life whether raising great kids or creating a wonderful backyard garden or building a successful business from scratch.  These are all worthy accomplishments but again I ask you – if you could have accomplished even more (a better garden, better kids, better business etc.) would you have settled for what you achieved knowing you could have done more that was within your skills or power?

Success is not just about achievement or winning but serving, giving back, learning and the journey.  Today’s successes can be tomorrow’s failures.  No success is guaranteed to last for a lifetime or even years.  Success like life is a process but if success keeps you from learning then you are missing what real success is – going past your own definition of your potential and seeing life from a broader perspective.  I’m not saying we can ever see our life or our future from God’s perspective but there’s no reason why we shouldn’t try and see it from a wiser or better human perspective one and not limited by conventional wisdom, previous successes, other’s judgements or our own limited belief system.

In the final analysis what can success teach us?

A few of the obvious ones are – gratitude, caution, patience, faith and the value of persistence.  Yes, there are many others but in the end without these we will tend not to learn what life offers.

What can adversity, problems, hardship or failure teach us?  I could go on for pages with this section but, I’m sure you have better things to do than read my diatribes so let me keep it brief.

First of all, a few important concepts to consider:

-Anyone who has ever achieved and worthwhile success has faced trials, failure, adversity etc.

-Failure is necessary for great and sustained success.

-Failure, adversity etc. is not what is happening to us but how we respond, react, deal with it, learn from it or use it for something good.

-Adversity and problems etc. are in our life to teach us – not about them or it but us.

So, what can we learn from these negative situations?

Think of adversity, problems challenges etc. as a classroom environment and they are the teacher.  If you want to pass the course you’ll need to pay attention, do your homework and figure out where the important learning is in all of the chaos and uncertainty. Learning Geometry is not easy if you are not good with numbers.  Learning to manage problems is not easy if you have never had any or have never managed them successfully in the past.

Failure, adversity, hardship etc. use pain, disappointment, rejection, ambiguity, distress, abandonment, uncertainty, discomfort, isolation and many other circumstances to get our attention and the courage to take action.

I’m not in any way suggesting that we should seek out failure, adversity etc.  but I’m also not suggesting that we hide our heads in the sand or go into denial simply because we don’t like what we are experiencing.

Trust me – if you don’t learn a lesson life wants you to learn sooner or later you’ll get another chance to learn the same lesson.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

How is where you have been imacting where you are going in life?

How is where you have been . . .

contributing to where you are going?

Tim Connor

Let me be clear at the outset – I’m not referring here to your last and next vacation.

No one knows what tomorrow will bring.  Everyone knows what yesterday brought them.  So, the real question of life is simply – how do use what yesterday offered to help us get where life wants us to be tomorrow?

There are lots of ways to consider this topic – relationships, careers, businesses, health issues, financial concerns etc.  I don’t have the time or ability to talk about each of these in a meaningful way so let me stick with a few general concepts.

-Does the past pre-determine our future?

-Can we change course after many years of charting the same direction?

-Should we even consider a new course direction later in life?

-What are the challenges if we do decide it’s time for a new direction?

-What are the benefits and finally what are the consequences?

Does the past pre-determine our future?

I don’t care if you are in your twenties or eighties - previous actions, thoughts, decisions, outcomes, beliefs, prejudices etc. all contribute to tomorrow, next week, next year and the next decade.  There is no way to prevent this.  I could go into all the psychological and spiritual reasons for this but suffice it to say – history repeats itself unless we make dramatic changes to our thought patterns, mindsets and willingness to learn and change behaviors, decision process, habits, expectations and self-accountability.

There are three areas where the past dictates - often even control our future;

The need for approval or validation from others.

Low self-esteem.

An out of control ego.

Got any of the three?  I know during my life I have often struggled with repetitive life, career, business etc. mistakes and for the life of me couldn’t figure out why.  Wrong!!  I really wasn’t ready to face up to my weaknesses for a variety of reasons.  So, you ask, what gives you the right to write this article?  Great question.  Want an answer – nothing, but I’m writing it anyway because with time and effort I am figuring this stuff out.

The future is a blank slate but it also has embedded in it some rules, rituals, beliefs, desires and fears.  When any of these dominate our behavior or actions we will tend to continue them but I’m sure you’ve heard that old phrase – “To continue doing the same stuff and expecting different outcomes is a sign of insanity”.

Does that those of us who make repetitive bad decisions or choices – are insane – well – maybe not worthy of an being in an institution but we sure could use some human training.

So - to answer the question for this subtopic – it’s yes and no and it depends.  Helpful?  Probably not – so keep reading, hopefully by the end of the article you will have figured all you need to in order to – change or stay the same or just chill out and not care.

Can we change course after many years of charting the same direction?

Life is a lot like sailing.  Years ago, I spent a lot of time in my sailboat “Rainbows End” and it (she) taught me a great deal about the past, present and future.

1)   As long as the rudder (your brain) is working you can change course at any time.

2)   As long as you have a wheel to turn (a willingness to learn, grow and or change) you can change course.

3)   As long as the sails are up (you have desire) you can change course.

4)   As long as there is wind (action/movement) you can change course.

5)   As long as you have a compass or GPS or Map (life direction) you can change course.

It doesn’t matter how old or young you are.  Your gender is not an issue.  Your race, education or upbringing are not factors.  None of these matter UNLESS you let them in some way manipulate you and/or your future.

Let me close this subtopic with two favorite quotes from some mentors during my life.  Want to make God laugh?  Tell Him your plans.”  We are here for a little while then we are somewhere else forever. So, decide how you want to spend them both and how they relate to each other before it’s too late.”

Should we even consider a new course direction later in life?

How does one decide if it’s time for a new life direction? And if so, what should that be? What do I need to do?  Where can I turn?  Who or what can help or guide me?  What if the new direction ends badly?  Questions and more questions.  Trust me – I’ve spent a great deal of time with these and many more but what are the answers to the most critical or demanding ones?

Is it time for a new direction?  Feeling some inner stress, anxiety or emotions pulling at your heart, stomach or mind?  Your inner voice screaming at you: “do something.”  Your spiritual inner guide or your Spirit tugging at your life trying to get your attention?  Believe me – there are always signs that it’s time for a change and usually they are masked in pain, struggle, uncertainty, regret, challenges even failure.  The key is to pay attention and listen.  I know - your pain doesn’t speak english but trust me if you will listen to your inner cravings, fears, dreams, emotions and yes, your pain - it will guide you without using language but the real question is – do you follow your instinct and heart or do you pay more attention to your brain?  Here/s the key – follow your heart in all matters and then let your mind get in step.

We will tend to only change when the pain becomes unbearable or the emotional rationales no longer make sense.  If we wait too long however, the consequences could be devastating.

What are the challenges if we do decide it’s time for a new direction?

Just because you change or start moving in another direction is no guarantee that things will improve or change quickly or easily or even at all.

Any change requires faith, patience, trust, courage, planning, action and resolve and without any one of these we can get derailed in a heartbeat.  There are hundreds if not thousands of books on these topics so let me just address three of the common challenges.

Resistance – We tend to resist that which we are either uncomfortable with or have little knowledge or information about.  To better manage resistance requires more accurate information, truth and facts about something or anything.  The problem is with change is - that we may have these about the past but there is no way to have them accurately about the future which is why so many people fail to change.

Impatience – The number one contributor (not cause) of death is stress.  The number one contributor to stress is impatience or the need for control.  I don’t care how smart you are, how wealthy you are or how old you are etc., you can never know everything or often anything about the future so the need to control it is essentially stupid, a waste of time or any other word you would like to use.  This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t plan, have goals or dream but it does mean that we shouldn’t get too attached to these.

Fear – Fear, what can I say – the single biggest issue that gets in the way of any and or all change.  Want to stay stuck – keep letting fear rule your life.

What are the benefits and finally what are the consequences?

I’m going to let you do some of the work here.  I don’t pretend to have all the answers nor do I have the right to tell you how to live your life or why.  So, it’s your turn. . .

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Advocates, champions, mentors and coaches.

Advocates, champions, mentors & coaches.

Got one?  Got some?

Tim Connor

I have never met anyone who has achieved sustained career or business  success that did not have a champion, advocate, coach or mentor in their corner as they worked towards a dream, a goal or a vision.

How about you? Are you the exception to this belief of mine and are you still trying to “go it alone” as you travel one step after another towards your unknown future?

Mentor – adviser, guide, guru, counselor, consultant, confidant(e).

Personal coach – Coaching is a form of development in which a person called a coach supports a learner or client in achieving a specific personal or professional goal by providing training, advice and guidance.

Advocate – upholder, supporter, backer, promoter, proponent, exponent.

Champion - advocate, proponent, promoter, supporter, defender, upholder, backer, exponent, campaigner, lobbyist, crusader, apologist, booster, flag-beareradvocate, proponent, promoter, supporter, defender, upholder, backer, exponent, campaigner, lobbyist, crusader, apologist, booster, flag-bearer.

I’m sure none of the above are anything new for you but I offer them as a reminder that they all have something in common – the blending of wisdom/knowledge that is shared with others in some beneficial way.

As a side note: two of my mentors for many years have been Will Rogers and Mark Twain (I guess this is where I get one of my missions that is to get under other people’s skin to trigger positive change in some way. If I’m not under yours yet – just give me time – or read some of my other articles or books – you’ll get there.)

Yes, they are both dead and I never met either of them but I can still learn from them from their many books and words of wisdom.

Where was I - back to the main points of this article;

What are the benefits of have one of the above (in the title)?

During my career, I have had numerous relationships with mentors, coaches and mastermind groups but the ones that have done the most for my career and business success over the years are Advocates and Champions.  Yes, the other helpers are valuable and can save you lots of time and resources but I have learned that Advocates and Champions always do more for you than the others and they do it because they want to not because they benefit in some way.

These people want to help you succeed, believe in what you are doing and why and have no skin in the game other than the satisfaction of contributing in some small way to your achievements and/or success.

They help you save time.  They help you make valuable connections.  But the most important thing they do is “Sell” you to the important people or contacts that they know in a way that improves your credibility and saves you effort.

Let me give you one quick example.

A friend and fellow author was unknown but one of his connections liked his writing and contacted him to see if he could be of any help.  Well, to make a very long story short, because of one of his connections he was able to secure a publisher for his first book with a significant six figure advance.  The story isn’t over yet.  He recently told me he just got a 5-million-dollar advance on his third book.  And how and why?  Just because someone he didn’t know all that well was willing to help him.  Go figure!

Have any champions in your life?  I’ve been fortunate during my career to have a few but they shall remain anonymous as they are or have been all celebrities in their own way.

They can save you time, make you money, make you famous, get you new positions etc.  I could go on for a few pages on what a champion or advocate can do for your career or business.

But, if you don’t get it yet, I won’t waste any more of your time.

Where can you find them?

They are everywhere.  They are in your Facebook, LinkedIn or some other social media list hidden just waiting to surface.  They live next door, work across the street, they know your relatives and they know some of your customers.  They work for competitors.  Have I made myself clear yet?  Again, they are everywhere.  So, you ask, how do you find the right ones who can help you accelerate your career or business?  First of all, networking is not who you know but who knows you, so attending events every night to collect hundreds of business cards might help you some before you retire but there might be a better way.

This is not a book about this subject so I’ll leave you with three quick ideas.

1)   If you don’t ask you will never know.

2)   If you don’t ask you will never find out.

3)   If you don’t ask you will never find them.

I know – a bit redundant. But, what are you waiting for?

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Do you know how much time you have left?

Do you know how much time

you have left?

Tim Connor

One day we are all going to die.  I’m not trying to be negative here or a dooms-dayer but this is a simple life truth.  The sad thing is that many people who think they have a lot more time may have a lot less than they know.

Do you know anyone who recently passed away and didn’t see it coming?  I did – several as a matter of fact, but again I don’t want you to think that all I am going to do is this brief article is focus on the negative death stuff – I’m not.  But I did want to get your attention on a very important topic – living life with two things in mind – your now and your eternity.

First of all – no one can answer this question cause no one knows the date and time and circumstances of their final earth moments.  This has over the years, been proven to be a good thing.  Think about it – if you knew exactly when your time here was finished - can you imagine how stressful life would be as you counted down the years, days and minutes?

So, in reality you really don’t know how much time you have left but what you do know is that you have this moment as you are reading this article.

And if you are fortunate you have the next moment for the next thing on your to do list.  And, you have your plans for this weekend or this summer or even later this year’s trip to La La land.  Sorry folks, you really don’t have these – you just have the moment now as you read.  Want me to be really negative – you don’t know if you have enough time to finish this article just like I don’t know if I have enough time to finish writing it.

OK Tim, I get it but what’s your point?  If I don’t know how much time I have left, why should I waste any more valuable time reading this article so I can move on to something more important or meaningful. (Wow – that hurt! – kidding.)

My point is simply this – how are you living – like you have forever?  Just now? Eternity?  All three?  None of them?

Now – Eternity – The present – Tomorrow – Yesterday -  I could go on for pages defining or describing these simple words but in the end their meaning is very personal and unique to each of us.

Back to my point so I don’t leave you totally frustrated with my writing style.

We have now – we know we do – we are present, aware, laughing, crying, thinking, listening, talking - etc.

We have yesterday – regrets, memories, stories, disappointments, mistakes, failures, achievements, successes – etc.

We don’t have tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.  It’s that simple folks. So, let me ask you – what or how are you using what you have knowing you don’t know when it will be over?

Are you spending time in – worry, stress, selfies, jealousy, disappointment, anxiety, anger, blame frustration, fear and/or regrets etc. OR are you spending it in peace, joy, growing, learning, worshiping, sharing, giving, laughing, praying and/or gratitude etc.?

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Truth does not have versions!

Truth doesn’t have versions.

Tim Connor

The sky is falling – the sky is falling.  The earth is flat.  We are all going to die in this storm.  The end of life as we know it will happen this year.  Give me a break.  Just because the speed limit is 70 MPH – I don’t have to go that fast.  Just because the expiration date on my eggs is three days past doesn’t mean I have to throw them away.  Made my point yet or would you like twenty-five more examples (just kidding)?

Yes, I accept that some things I don’t like or agree with are true but I also know that some things you believe are true are not – so – does the wind blow in both directions?  Well yes.  So, why then can’t some people accept what is true when there is more than enough evidence and why do so many people live their lives in the realm of lies and obvious truths?  I don’t have 200 pages to deal with this so I’ll do my best with just a few hundred words.

So, what is truth – truth is most often used to mean being in accord with fact or reality or fidelity to an original or standard. Truth may also often be used in modern contexts to refer to an idea of "truth to self," or authenticity.  Need more?  Want more?  Truth – fact, veracity, certainty, actuality, reality.  FYI – Truth isn’t – opinion, impression, interpretation, estimation, judgment, belief, experience -  Got this one too?

Therefore, I have three questions –

1)   why do people act like their opinion etc. is the truth?

2)   Why do people work so hard to convince others that their version of truth is the only one or the only one that matters or the only one that you or I should believe?

3)   How many facts (reality do we need) to know what is true or not true.

Is - gravity a truth?

Is - physical death a truth?

Is - the fact that change is constant a truth?


Is - the weather is crappy today a truth?

Is - the service in this establishment is really bad a truth?

Is – this “__________” (whatever) you believe a truth?

Is – this technology is really slow a truth?

Again – got it?

So, back to my questions.

Why do people act like their opinion etc. is the truth? Everything in life is a perception – the weather, time, health, food etc. In other words – This corn is too hot.  No, it isn’t!  This movie is too long. Maybe yes and maybe no. That color is too dark. See where I’m going with this? Ever had an argument or disagreement with someone?  Sure, we all have.  What caused it?  Very simply – two different opinions coming face to face with each other - when only one could win but both were not necessarily true but you both believed that each of yours were true as far as the two of you were concerned. All conflict is the result of perceptual interpretation not based on truth and why – because truth does not have to be defended if it is real truth. When people can’t let go of the need to justify opinions, attitudes, decisions, actions, feelings etc. that might be inconsistent with truth it is generally because of one of the following exists; the need for control, ego needs, arrogance, low self-esteem, insecurity or early conditioning that caused them to feel they need to get others approval in order to achieve self-acceptance and the way they do this is by being right.

Why do people work so hard to convince others that their version of truth is the only one or the only one that matters or the only one that you or I should believe or accept?  A lot of this stems from the previous discussion but for clarity I will add a couple of other items.  One is called projection.  This is simply a refusal to accept a certain type of self-behavior and implying others of having the behavior that you have but refuse to acknowledge, admit or accept.  In other words – “I am always late but can’t admit it but I always blame you for being late whether you are or are not.”  Another one is expanding on something or just making things up that aren’t true.  I want others to think I am successful so I create a self-story that over time I come to believe as true.  Even if you know me well and know what I say about myself isn’t true, I will still boast about these untruths as if they were true.  Actually, you would be quite amazed at how many people have this behavior.

How many facts (reality do we need) to know what is true or not true.

Well, if you see a lose wire coming from a generator you might want to avoid it.  If you see a red-hot grill you might not want to touch it.  How many facts do you need to avoid these disasters? Probably just one. If you want to know if Heaven is for real you might need a few more facts.  But here’s the real issue when it comes to truth.  Some things, many things might be or could be true, but we don’t know it because we don’t have enough information to make a decision.  If this is true just because we lack evidence doesn’t mean something is or isn’t true.  Think about it. For years people believed the earth was flat until what – someone figured out that it wasn’t.  But, many people continued to believe in this untruth because they lacked wisdom, knowledge or information.  The same is true today.  Could many things be untrue today that we just don’t know are untrue but still believe they are?  And the opposite.  Could many things we believe are not true actually be true?

I’m done with my opinions – so what do you think about what you just read?  Truth?  Opinion? Blah, Blah, Blah?

Monday, June 12, 2017

The greatest challenge = the better the learning.

The greater the challenge – the better the learning.

Tim Connor

Facing a challenge today?  Welcome to life 101.  The question is what do you do with it?  Or better still, how do you feel about it?  Or, if you are really mature - what can you learn from it.  I’m sure with this opening I have already lost some of you.  Tired of useless, motivational mumbo jumbo from people who think they know it all but don’t have a clue just spouting inspirational words they think we need when what we really need are practical ideas to use challenges as a learning tool?  Believe me - I teach this stuff and I can tell you I am tired of pontification from too many famous people. 

So, let me begin with a few basic premises if you are still with me so you can decide if you want to finish this article.

-Failure is necessary for real and lasting success.

-Most people do whatever they can to avoid failure.

-Problems, hardship, trials etc. are normal – no one is immune.

-When you stop learning you stop growing.

-When you stop growing you start dying.

-All success is first and foremost a mindset.

-Everything that comes at us does so to teach us.

-All our reactions to everything in life are driven by our perceptual interpretations.

Need more?

-If you are not risking you are not failing and if you are not failing you are stuck.

-Change is constant and people don’t resist change - they resist losing control.

OK, enough of this - now to the key point - why, when and how can we learn to deal with hardships, challenges, adversity, failures, problems etc. to use them as learning tools and resources?

There are many ways people both interpret and respond to a variety of life’s challenges or trials.  Actually, many people don’t even call them challenges but opportunities but more on that another time, for now let’s just stick with how we respond and why and how we can respond if we choose to.

Challenge – question, disagree with, dispute, take issue with, protest against, call into question, object to.

See how we can choose to even define the word differently?  For example, what I am referring to here when I say challenge is not the above definition but a – test, trial, difficulty, struggle etc.  But I’m sure you are well aware of how words can often be defined differently by different people depending on how they choose to or decide to define them.

But, I digress.

There are basically only three ways to define, deal with or interpret a challenge – denial, acceptance or rejection.  And, depending on your definition or interpretation – this will determine your reaction and then potential consequences.  For example:

Denial – just because you choose to deny something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Rejection – just because you reject something doesn’t mean it won’t persist.

Acceptance – just because you accept something doesn’t mean it is solved or dealt with in a positive, creative or constructive way.

You see, there is more to the idea of a challenge than just your initial response.  What really matters is not just how you define them or your initial reaction to them, but your attitudes about how you will let them influence your life now or in the future.  It’s about keeping control of your life or giving it up to others or outside circumstances.  By this I don’t mean to imply that there are some situations that we can’t control but even in all of these we still have the power of self-reaction or self-control if and only if we choose to exercise it.

There are consequences to the three reactions above.

Denial – they will tend not to go away or never return.  They will need to be dealt with sooner or later – sooner being the better of the two options.

Rejection – you can resist and fight all you want but it’s just reality – life happens and it wants to teach us. Life is not fair or unfair.  It doesn’t pick on or reward certain people.  Wealth won’t stop cancer.  Fame won’t stop a potential accident.  Good looks won’t prevent loss.  Get it?  I don’t care how well off you are - no one and I mean no one regardless of wealth can prevent aging.  Oh, sure you can invest a lot in surgeries to make you look better on the outside but trust me – you are still fading on the inside

Acceptance from my perspective is the best option or approach and why?  Well, you are on offence and not defense for starters.  But the most important thing is you have chosen to take control of something rather than give up control.

I hope you weren’t looking for a list of do’s and don’ts when it comes to challenges.  Sure, I can give these to you if you want – just shoot me an email and I’ll be happy to give you my list.

What I have tried to do with this article is to ask you to start thinking about how you approach challenges and the impact they have on your life.  I hope I was able to create a positive inner dialog.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Don't waste your pain - Use it to grow.

Don’t waste your pain.

Tim Connor

No one can avoid pain whether emotional or physical.  Sooner or later we are all disappointed or hurt by others and experience some type of physical pain.  Trust me – if you haven’t yet – It’s coming – you can count on it.  No one is immune to life’s desire and attempts to teach us, help us learn or yes, even punish us for our misdeeds, stupid decisions or dumb behaviors.

It’s interesting how sometimes emotional pain can be worse than physical pain – I guess it just depends on the cause or source.  So, let me just focus on some of the common issues, consequences, and actions we can take when it comes to the emotional stuff.  As far as the physical stuff, make an appointment with your Doctor, I’m not in that business however, it’s been proven that a great deal of physical pain can be directly attributed to emotional issues – but that’s for another time.

There are only two basic emotions – love and fear and all emotional pain comes from or is driven by the fear side, things like; anger, blame, regret, disappointment, anxiety, frustration, jealousy, hatred, suspicion, etc.  So, the first question is - could there be or is there a common denominator in emotional pain regardless of the cause or source?  Interesting question, let’s take a brief look at this before we move on.

First, what is emotional pain?

“Some psychology researchers have described two types of pain. The first type is considered existential pain, or what one researcher calls “clean pain,” which is the normal pain that comes with living an ordinary life.  This pain comes from such common, but nevertheless painful, human experiences as losing a loved one; being diagnosed with a serious illness; experiencing abuse, humiliation, or degradation; or perceiving that we have failed at something we hoped would succeed. All humans experience this type of pain to some extent. 

The second type of pain is considered neurotic, unnecessary, or “dirty pain.” Neurotic pain is considered unnecessary or “dirty pain.” This pain is pathological, unhealthy, and damaging, and stems from what we tell ourselves about the existential pain we experience. It can also be caused by unrealistic appraisals of ourselves, harsh judgments from others or the world and a consistently negative view of the world that is unaffected by any positive feedback or events. For people with depression, it is often this unnecessary pain that causes the most suffering

For the sake of saving time, I’m going to put most (but not all) emotional pain (that is self-inflicted and often unnecessary) in the dirty pain section.

Another way to look at this is to think of pain like a traffic or roadside sign helping you to reach your destination as quickly, safely and easily as possible.  If the sign ahead said one way - I’ll bet you wouldn’t head in the wrong direction and why, well DUH – you would probably have an accident.

Emotional pain can do the same – help you avoid life mistakes, wrong direction and even associating with the wrong people or organizations but only if we choose to pay attention to the signals and then abide by them, honor them or just do what our inner voice is telling us to do or nor to do.

What are some of these signals and what could the outcomes be if they are ignored?  Well first, what are they?

Stress is one of the common ones as stress is not the cause of the pain but the outcome of it when the signals we are given by the pain are ignored.  Ever had a panic or anxiety attack? I have and it ain’t pretty. It’s like having a heart attack. Sweat, nervousness, loss of bearings, feeling totally out of control etc. 

A few of the common emotional signals (that can take physical form) we can get are things like – trouble sleeping, loss of attention or control, little things distract you, itching, stomach issues, soreness, heartburn, indecision, headaches, migraines, fears of all kinds and for no apparent reason.  So, let me repeat, these emotional signals can be both physical and mental in nature.

Let me give you a quick personal example.

Many years ago, I was offered a full time very high position by a client.  It was lucrative, filled with great potential and I was more than qualified. At the same time, as a full-time speaker for several years I was still struggling to get my career into high gear.  During a period of several weeks I kept weighing the options – pro and con – to taking it.  Here’s the kicker. Every time I was moving emotionally toward accepting it my stomach began to feel queasy and almost painful.  When I let go of this tendency to accept it and focused on staying the course in my current career and business these symptoms quickly went away.

Let me ask you, regardless of the choice, decision or option – ever had a similar situation?  Feeling it now due to a choice, opportunity or consequence that is facing you?

Is there an answer to emotional pain regardless if it was from a loss of a position or job, the loss of a loved one, having an important (from your perspective) email ignored or getting dumped after a few dates?

Here are a few things to consider in no order.

Ask yourself – what am I supposed to or can I learn from this?

Ask yourself – what is this trying to teach me.

Accept the fact that God (if you are a non-believer this one will have no meaning or benefit for you) doesn’t punish us with stuff but allows stuff to help us learn.  My first reaction to everything I don’t like or want and even stuff I do is – OK, God – what are you up to with this?

Keep in mind that all of life’s experiences are teachers trying to teach us about ourselves and not necessarily the situation or other people.  (I was given three children for them to teach me not for me to teach them.)

Ask yourself – is this the first time this lesson has come to me or is it repeating because I have failed to learn from previous situations and if so – why?

Spend more time in prayer, meditation, quiet introspection and/or, nature.

Turn off technology and the outside world and just listen to yourself.

See the potential humor in everything.

Spend time listening to your favorite music.

There are numerous other tasks and/or activities you can do that can help you through the weeds of negative life circumstances that can cause pain but the most important one is the decision not to let outside circumstances or people take control of you.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Traditional vs. contemporary Managment Approaches

Mastering Contemporary & Relevant Management & Leadership

Skills and Mindsets in a Rapidly Evolving World

A NEW program by Tim Connor

During this NEW all-day program, I cover the critical factors in the following five areas:

Creating a self-coaching, creative and motivational climate: Teaching your employees to self-coach improves many aspects of their performance without direct or close and constant supervision and allowing management to spend adequate and necessary time in the roles and responsibilities to help grow the organization without wasting their valuable time on many mundane and routine management functions or tasks.

Implementing accountability practices that ensure wide-ranging peak performance: One of the common issues with organizations that fail to meet their growth and profit potential is a lack of consistent employee, department and operational accountability.  When this issue is overcome performance improves, motivation improves, mutual trust and respect achieve record levels, communication integrity improves and wasted time, redundancy and wasted resources decline.

Developing integrity based communication approaches to reduce performance dysfunction: A major challenge in a world dominated by technology driven communication is often overcoming confusion, assumptions, misunderstanding and erroneous, fallacious, unsound, misplaced, misconceived, ill-advised, ill-considered, ill-judged, ill-founded, inappropriate, unwise, injudicious, imprudent, misinformed, misled, wrong, mistaken, deluded, confused, off basemistaken expectations. The result of any of these errors in communication contribute to relationship breakdowns and isolation.  There is an answer and it isn’t only a greater reliance on technology but a blended process that uses the best of both – the human touch and technology with congruence, understanding and interest.  The answer is not political correctness but the courage to be honest and compassionate at the same time.

Maintaining a clear, consistent, focused organization mission and direction: Overcoming Corporate Disconnect (CD) is one of the greatest challenges every organization faces today regardless of its size, geography, history and industry.  Every organization over the years that has failed did so due to their lack of awareness of their CD, their unwillingness to admit their CD symptoms or their lack of effort and purpose to rid their organization of this malaise. The solution is simple but not easy – pay attention to reality, trends, organization inconsistencies and dysfunctions and put management’s arrogance and or ignorance in the closet.

Maximizing employee diversity to improve creativity, motivation and effectiveness: We live in a very diverse world today and every organization must learn to master the ability to manage and lead all employees regardless of their race, gender, age group, educational level, general background, experience and employment history. Fail to accomplish this and you are guaranteed to have consistent and growing turnover, a poor motivational culture, constant communication breakdowns, poor customer loyalty, inconsistent market position and many other negative growth and financial factors.  The answer is simple – learn the needs, motives, style, expectations of your employees and blend them into your culture or if you can’t – get them off the bus and replace them with talent that can.

This program is NOT just for members of management but any and every employee who contributes in a small or large way to an organization's effectiveness, reputation, performance and positive growth.

Master the techniques and concepts I cover in this program and you will be amazed at how much more your employees and organization can benefit and achieve even greater success.

Contact me if you want more information -