The impact of projection on success and happiness

The impact of projection

Tim Connor

Consider for a moment – that your life (reality) is nothing more than your projection of who you think you are to the rest of the world. 

If you;

Are Bored – could it be that you are boring?

Are Confused – could it be that you are conflicted?

Are upset by others – could it be that you are an angry person?

Are Disappointed – could it be that your expectations of others are unrealistic?

Lack control – could it be that you are stubborn?

Are frustrated by others – could it be that you are a frustrating person?

Lack friends – could it be that you are not friendly?

Are Alone – could it be that you don’t like the company of others?

Stressed – could it be you need total control of everything?

Afraid – could it be that uncertainty and insecurity have control over you?

Etc. Etc Etc.

Projection is one of the defense mechanisms identified by Freud and still acknowledged today as a significant issue. According to Freud, projection is when someone is threatened by or afraid of their own impulses so they attribute these impulses to someone else. For example, a person in psychoanalysis insists that people can’t be trusted when in fact the patient can’t be trusted.

We all project at one time or another and this is normal in most people. 

The driver who drives you nuts when they cut you off, but you have been guilty of the same act.

The person who frustrates you because they don’t respond to an email immediately and you often wait before answering someone’s email.

The person who fails to listen to your every word when you are guilty of the same.

Again these examples are numerous.  So, why do we project and how can we better manage this tendency?

Projection is accepting reality, but denying responsibility.

Why do we project –

Ego? Arrogance? Insecurity? Low self-esteem? The need to be right? The need to impress others?  Fear of disapproval? Yes.

Each of these issues if you searched the internet for further information would give you thousands if not millions of resources or references – got that much time?  I doubt it - so briefly;

We project because we can’t accept personal responsibility for our; actions, behavior, opinions, mistakes, failures, words, decisions, consequences, disapproval, loneliness, emotional immaturity, lack of success, poor performance or poor communication (causing confusion, assumptions, misunderstanding and often conflict).

How can we better manage this tendency –

There are dozens of actions we can take to get better in touch with our need for projection and how to reduce its impact on our relationships, happiness, inner peace and success – here are just a few.

-Have you been even aware or conscious of the concept of projection up to this point or is this a new idea for you?  You do it - but you were not aware of how much, how often and with whom and its impact on your life and relationships and even your success.

-Pay attention to your actions and words as you live them and their impact on others and your life in general.

-Ask yourself – how do I feel when others project their issues on to me?

-Ask yourself – where in life do I feel inferior or not able to face my personal issues in a responsible way?

-Give someone you respect and trust permission to hold you accountable every time you project and bring these times or circumstances to your attention.

-Have a face to face private meeting with yourself and create a list of every area in your life where you feel insecure, unhappy, not responsible, ego driven, unsuccessful, frustrated, stressed or anxious.

-Consider therapy.

-Read more – my list of recommended books (other authors) have several books that can help with this issue. Email me and I’ll be happy to send you this list.

-Spend more time in reflection, meditation or prayer and ask the tough questions and wait patiently for answers that can come from a variety of sources.

-Find the courage to be honest with yourself about your needs, fears, hopes, dreams and desires.

-Analyze your difficult relationships and ask yourself a simple question – why is this relationship difficult?

This is enough to get you started.  Go for it, you will live a better and more rewarding and productive life. – I promise you.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.”
e.e. cummings