Regret weighs tons

Regret weighs tons

Tim Connor

Got any regrets? Who doesn’t?  Stressing you out? Why – nothing you can do about them now!

One of the common reasons why people fail to achieve happiness, contentment and inner peace in life is due to previous regrets – things done and things not done and often things said and things not said.

Avoiding regret is like reliving the past (ain’t possible folks) however, you can recognize where and why you have taken or avoided actions in the past and do a better job of not repeating many of these similar mistakes in the future. Is this possible?  Of course but it takes thoughtful introspection, analysis of why you do or don’t do things and then the courage, faith and will to change.

I have many regrets and unfortunately I seem to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.  Am I crazy or just normal like the rest of the world?  Well, I’d like to think I am normal but when I consider some of my mistakes, decisions and inactions and yes, actions, 

I could be either crazy, out of touch or stupid.  Yes, I am writing this and I just called myself stupid – so what does that make you – reading it?  I’m not calling you stupid but if you come to some of the same conclusions I have after some careful thought – well – call it what you will.  But, the point is, can we do a better job of avoiding disappointment and regret in the future?  Yes we can.  Can we avoid all future regrets?  I seriously doubt it.  So why worry, just keep making mistakes and creating more regrets?

OK, Tim how about a few suggestions rather than more of the above?  Great idea, so here goes.

Life happens, people do things, we can’t control everything and actually very little but we can control our decisions, actions and behavior but we can’t control the outcome of these so what’s left?  Consider. . .

There are four kinds of regret; Things said, things not said, things done and things not done.

Let’s start with things said.

Most of the regrets from things said are done during stressful, emotional or fearful times. We blurt out stuff we don’t mean just stuff that we feel when we say it will make us feel better.  Well, if you’ve ever done this it might have made you feel better at the time but I’ll guarantee the words spoken will at some point come back and haunt you regardless of who they were said to – a spouse, friend, customer, boss or child.

The way to avoid these types of situations is when you are feeling any negative emotion that is triggered by another person or a circumstance is to stop and take what I call a “quality pause”.  Simply stop and count to five slowly but while counting – say to yourself – I have a choice – I can let this person or circumstance control me or I can control me – which do I choose at this moment?

Things not said.

I can’t tell you how many people I have met that have told me they have lost a loved one and there were so many things left unsaid or questions not asked.  If they are gone, there is no solution to this however, with the people who are still in your life you can avoid repeating this mistake and how?

Tell people what you want them to know every chance you get.  Ask them the questions you want answers to.  Don’t wait.  Do it now, today, this week or it may be too late.

Things done.

Made a bad career choice? Made an unwise financial decision? Picked the wrong life partner?  Drove too fast on a snowy day? Eaten the wrong foods for too many years? This list could go on for hundreds of pages but I’ll spare you my rambling but let me ask you – are you still beating yourself up due to some of these poor past choices, decisions, actions or behaviors?  Why?  What good is it doing you now?  You can change things now, but you can’t change things from the past.  It’s done, over, finished – let it go.  But if they are important for your future – fix it, change it, do it.

Things not done.

If I talk with one more person who says they wish they had . . . years ago or even yesterday I think I will scream.  I know, you were too young, too old, too broke, too busy, had kids, had a new business or job, had aging parents – excuses folks all of them.

During my career I have spoken in 25 countries, visited several others just for fun, sailed the Caribbean, cruises to Alaska, Europe and Greece, tried out for the Olympic trials . . . blah, blah blah . . . but I still have a lot on my bucket list – stuff not done yet.

You can’t visit Bora Bora, Fiji or Bermuda after you are dead.  You can’t learn to play the guitar after you are dead.  You can’t hike the Grand Canyon after you are dead.  So create your bucket list and get started.

And the conclusion.

There are no valid excuses for not living life to the fullest (you choose how you define fullest) but believe me – regrets cost; happiness, inner peace, contentment and often remorse and even discouragement.  So the answer is – start – something, anything and start now.

“The things you will regret the most in life are the things you didn’t do.”

Michael Curtiz