Who wrote your script

Who wrote your script

Tim Connor

Having acted in a number of plays during my life I learned the importance to sticking with the script of the role I was playing. One – to maintain the integrity of the theme as written by the author of the play and two – to enable the other actors to play their parts correctly so they can follow their scripts as well.  As I was recently thinking about the parallels between acting and life in general it occurred to me that most of us are just performing our parts as we move through our lives.  We are just playing our parts and living by the scripts we were given by a variety of directors, producers and writers.

Let me explain.

There are four elements in rewriting your life script if the one that is currently dominating your life isn’t working for you.

What’s true –

The scripts actors follow are designed to create certain outcomes – laughter, uncertainty, suspense etc.  The lines are crafted to create these outcomes or reactions.  Much of the scripts we were given by life (parents, schools, churches etc.) were only what either these people believed or what they wanted us to believe.  The problem is that their agendas for us might not have been in our long term best interests.  It’s not about truth from them but what they wanted us to believe, how they wanted us to behave or feel.  Yes, these sources were like the directors of a movie or play – they had an agenda but the question is – should we follow it or as many actors do during performances – improvise – bringing their own interpretation to the lines they say or the circumstances they face during a performance.

Most of what we have been given as our scripts is not true; yes it might have been true for others but not necessarily for us given our own dreams, talent, goals or circumstances. Most of us need to improvise and only keep the elements of the scripts that were given to us that make sense or work for us – given the realities of our life.  We need to discern what is true and what isn’t.

Some of the values, beliefs etc might be of tremendous value and we need to hold on to these but the question is – do we really know what is true or what was just their perceptions or interpretations of truth?

What’s untrue –

As I consider the information that was given to me by the sources mentioned above I have come to realize that mush of what was given to me was not true but grounded in someone else’s agenda for me.  For example.

When I became a self-employed author and speaker - this went against the desires and teaching of my parents.  They wanted me to get a regular job with a regular paycheck.  It was their opinion that this was the only way to have financial security.  During my early years they did everything they could to discourage me from pursuing my dream for my life.

As a teenager I attended the church of my choosing and was given a great deal of religious dogma (do’s and don’ts) but over the years I have come to believe differently based on a great deal of reading, personal experience and prayer.

Religious beliefs about God vary greatly depending on a particular church’s views and interpretations of scripture.  A number of years ago I decided it was up to me to get to the truth by carefully and routinely reading scripture and bringing my Spirit into the process.

Unlearning –

Unlearning is often more difficult than learning.  Learning only requires exposure the new material and then accepting its value or relevance to your goals, needs or life. Unlearning is a much more difficult process, but the two are related in many ways.  For example if you don’t know what you need to unlearn it is difficult to discover what new learning may be available or necessary or how to go about new learning to change mindsets, opinions, values, beliefs or attitudes.

Let me give you a quick example.

One of the things I have needed to unlearn during my life was the attitude of control.  I wanted control, I needed control and therefore when I didn’t have it I often made stupid mistakes taking actions too soon or too often that ultimately ruined or even destroyed relationships or the potential for new opportunities.  Over time I came to realize that this need for control, which by the way I developed very early in life, was counterproductive to the outcomes I was trying to achieve.

Unlearning requires courage, patience, effort and a willingness to let go of something you may be very comfortable with, but just isn’t working in your life.

Rewriting your script –

To re-write your script requires six simple (but not easy) steps;

1)   Learning to let go of old habits, beliefs, attitudes or behaviors that are not contributing to the outcomes you want to achieve.

2)   The awareness that something needs to change.

3)   The willingness to make the appropriate changes.

4)   The decision to make them.

5)   Taking appropriate actions until the changes occur.

6)   Start.

What do you need to learn?  Unlearn? Let go of?

“Men must decide on what they will not do, and then they are able to set with vigor in what they ought to do.”

Mencius