Who are you?
Tim Connor
Who are you?
And I’m not referring to your name, address or any other specific descriptors
you might use like; position, race, religion, age, gender etc. What I’m asking is who are you when you peel
away all of the facades, fears, desires, history, goals or status. I mean really – who are you? And not just your beliefs, values, opinions
or expectations. I’m sure you are
wondering by now – what’s left if you don’t include any or all of the above.
In the
privacy of your own mind, soul, body and spirit who are you? Have you ever thought about this or have you
been too busy acting your way through life? Day after day!
Almost all
of the people I have met during my world travels in my speaking career for a
number of years have put forward a façade of who they were due to their need to
be; accepted, liked, respected or perceived as successful, nice, thoughtful,
caring or wise humans – blah, blah, blah. (If you are not familiar with this term
- it’s the title of my latest book).
Why do we
spend so much time worrying about what other people think about us to the
extreme of letting this agenda impact our “real” selves? Why do so many people struggle with
acceptance or the need to appear smart, successful or in control of their life?
I don’t know
about you – but on numerous occasions I have been guilty of this behavior
wanting, no, needing your approval regardless of our relationship – a total stranger,
friend, relative or someone very close.
As I look back over these times I am filled with inner turmoil as to why
I let your opinion of me influence me.
Yes, we all should be respectful of others. Yes, we should all be compassionate. But does a person’s reaction or response to
us have to be ruled by political beliefs, race, gender or any other situation
or life choice you have made?
I have had more
than I can take of political correctness – it’s getting out of hand. If I don’t like you or you don’t like me why
do we have to pretend the opposite? Just
walk away from me and don’t include me in your future – it’s that simple. You don’t have to tell me why, I’m OK with
you just walking out of my life.
So back to
the question – who are you? Or better still are your behaviors, personality or
actions congruent with who you are or do you too find yourself on occasion
stuffing the real you in front of a boss, a spouse or a customer? Yes, I understand that certain parts of us
should remain private – in my own mind – in certain situations and they should not
find their way into the public arena but I’m not talking about this serious
stuff but everyday things like – the way you dress, the way you talk, the way
you carry yourself. Your willingness and
ability to be honest with your opinions.
I am a very
spiritual person and go to church every Sunday and I believe God has a sense of
humor and before the service last week I was joking with an acquaintance in the
foyer. His response – you shouldn’t act
this way in church. I said we are in a
church building, but not in the service yet, what’s wrong with my joking
around? He just looked at me like I was
crazy and walked away.
We are all
entitled to our personal opinions and perceptions but that doesn’t mean they
are right or that everyone else should embrace them. If we do give up this control we are just
letting others decide who we are.
So who are
you? Why not ponder the following
questions.
1 – What are
your secret dreams?
2 – When you
don’t act the others think you should and they point this out to you – how do
you feel?
3 – If you
were not responsible to or for anyone in life what would you be doing
differently now?
4 – When or
with who are you yourself? Why only with
them?
5 – On your
deathbed what regret do you want to be sure you don’t have?
Why not come
up with some of your own.
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