Attitudes – the major contributors
Tim Connor
I’m sure
you’ve heard it a hundred times – attitude is everything. I know I’ve said it thousands of times, but
what exactly does this mean or better still what are the factors that
contribute to our attitudes? The list is
really long and complex, but I will cut to the basics hoping that if you feel
you need an attitude adjustment or know someone that does, that this
abbreviated version might be of some value.
So what are the major contributors to attitudes? In no order of
importance I believe they are;
Experience
– Experience can be a great teacher
or it can cause our attitudes right or wrong, good or bad, to become further
entrenched in our behavior causing us to just default to previous responses
when dealing with totally new circumstances or people. If we don’t learn from
our experience we can’t use it as an effective tool to improve or change for
the better. Negative experiences have a
significant impact on our attitudes and until we are willing and able to
evaluate them maturely and accurately we are destined to continue to repeat
similar behaviors in completely new and different situations.
Mindsets
– Think of a mindset as cruise
control. Once you press the button everything happens automatically. So, if
over time you have become a negative or pessimistic person it is easier to
think this way about everything than think otherwise. Attitudes are driven by
mindsets. If you have any prejudices as
a part of your attitude base you will tend to think and act this way regardless
of current circumstances. Mindsets are
one of the major factors that contribute to our attitudes whether it is your
attitude about time, weather or any other human factor or interaction. To change attitudes requires that you change
a mindset, but I’m sure you realize that because of an existing mindset this
can be a very difficult if not impossible task.
And why? Because most people
would rather remain the same than do the work to change. The other reason is that when we have certain
attitudes we will go to great lengths to defend them as right or appropriate.
Personal
history – Your personal history; how
you were raised, values you were given, beliefs you have developed over the
years are a significant factor contributing to attitudes. If you have consistently failed over the
years regardless of the activity or endeavor, if you have not come to see these
failures as a valuable learning tool but a reason to bring this philosophy to
any new action you will tend to continue to repeat these outcomes and
justifying them as – that’s life.
You can’t change your history, but you
can change how you choose to interpret it in your present moments in present
circumstances. It’s a choice, one that
is vital if you want to change any attitude.
Expectations
– The number one cause of
disappointment are unrealized expectations either of yourself or someone else
or even a situation that does not turn out the way you hoped or planned. Disappointment leads to frustration and
stress and both of these can have a temporary or even permanent impact on your
attitudes. Expectations are simply what you want to happen or when or how you
want someone to act or behave. These
expectations are generally grounded in your personal attitudes like – people
should be on time, the weather should cooperate, stupid drivers should stay off
the road while you are travelling, planes should be on time – got it? These are
simply personal beliefs that you have that have developed over time that are
then manifested through your expectations thus reinforcing your attitudes in
this area. So when someone is late you typically bring a certain set of
behaviors or attitudes to this situation. If they are continually late this
sets up other emotions such as resentment and even anger. These then feed your sense of disappointment
and therefore continually impact or reinforce these attitudes. This is true of all of the expectations you
have of life, others or yourself.
Conditioned
environment – You were raised in an
environment you couldn’t control. All
that your parents or caregivers could pass on to you were their beliefs, values
etc. Although these might have been
appropriate for them given their circumstances it is unlikely that some of what
they passed on to you is still relevant in today’s complex world. What you
learned from teachers, church leaders, relatives or even neighbors was “where
they were coming from in their life” but it has no relevance whatsoever to the
decisions you face and the choices you must make in your life. Yes, some of these lessons and information
can have an impact on how you feel, what you believe or how you act, but they
must be filtered through your current situations and life in general.
Education
– Education can be a significant
factor when it comes to attitudes as what we learn, who we learn it from and
how we are trained to apply our learning can impact views, opinions and beliefs
and how we execute these.
Our education system can be perceived in
many different ways depending on your political leaning. I don’t want to dig into the weeds on this
political influence as I am sure no matter what I say on this topic you will
either agree with or disagree with me. I
have therefore with this last statement just proved my point. Your political
influence is driving many of your views, prejudices, opinions and values. I am not implying that any of these are
wrong, right or neutral just that they are impacting your attitudes. Yes after our early educational influences
many people change their views, but this is usually due to continued neutral
and impartial ongoing education.
Perceptual
interpretations – Everyone filters
what they hear, observe and experience through a very personal and unique
mental emotional filter. If you have read any of my thousands of articles you
are well aware of the importance and impact on life and our attitudes of our
unique filtering process. Let me just
conclude that the ingredients in your mental filter, things like; expectations,
age, gender, race, religious beliefs, cultural background, education etc. all have
contributed to your opinions, interpretations, beliefs, values and yes
prejudices. As long as you are unwilling
to approach any new topic, situation, person etc. with a clean or empty filter
you are doomed to continue to default back to your previous beliefs or
attitudes regardless of how accurate, appropriate or true they are.
Yes there
are many more contributors to a person’s attitudes, but I’ll wager that most of
your current attitudes can be measured using the above topics as your template.
I’ll leave
you with a question – are any of your dominant or primary attitudes getting in
some way sabotaging your success, happiness, inner peace, relationships, career
or any other life area?
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