Motivation/Success - My session Presentation Key Points

-       Everything in life is perception driven by background, conditioning, education, upbringing etc.

-       Don’t let other people’s behavior control yours.

-       You are responsible to people not for them.

-       Failure is necessary for success.

-       Good days – bad days – you define them – don’t let them define you.

-       Adversity is a tool for growth.

-       You don’t need anyone’s approval.

-       Use psychological anchors.

-       Attention equals awareness – awareness equals action.

-       Uncontrolled ego and arrogance are success killers.

-       The Iceberg effect – what’s below and above the surface and its influence on our life’s outcomes.

-       Don’t let your early life conditioning influence you forever.

-       Get out of auto-pilot.

-       Good news, bad news – it’s just news.

-       You don’t own anything in life – you just get to use it for a while.

-       Age is just a number.

-       You are born.  You will die.  Almost everything in between is trivia.

-       Success is moving toward a goal with passion, focus and discipline.

-       Motivation is goal directed action.

-       Every day you are given is a gift.

-       Read more.

-       Surround yourself with the right people.

-       Five years from today you will be the same as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.

-       Draw a line in the sand when failure lures on the road ahead.

-       Regrets is life weigh tons. 

-       Your version of truth may not be even close to the truth.

-       Are you an encourager?  Who is your encourager?

-       Detachment is when you feel responsible to people - empathy. Disengagement is when you just don’t care.

-       Ever had a 2 X 4 experience or lesson? If not, it’s coming.

-       Take a quality pause – a three second time between a stimulus and your response where you say to yourself – I have a choice.

-       Self-esteem is a major contributor or detractor to success, motivation and inner peace.

-       What are your motivators?  Demotivators?

-       To get unstuck you need to re-invent, re-charge, adapt, adopt, modify, adjust and re-set some area of your life.

-       Planning is important but things change.

-       Wisdom is a combination of experience, knowledge, information and discernment.

-       If you don’t ask yourself the right questions you will never get the best or right answers to life’s issues.

-       Don’t let other people’s garbage become your destiny.

-       Without faith – little is possible.

-       You can’t manage time – you have to manage yourself.

-       Don’t let technology eliminate the human touch in your life.

-       Who are you?  You are who you are, who you project yourself to be and who other people think you are.  If these are not congruent you will create a variety of dysfunctional attitudes and behaviors.

-       There are two types of people – inside-out and outside in.

-       Beliefs drive attitudes, attitudes determine results.

-       Let go of old baggage (bananas).

-       Life’s transitions.  Declare endings, time in the neutral zone, new beginnings.

-       Change it, accept it or leave.

-       Goals equal direction and direction determines outcomes.

-       Goals without action are meaningless.

-       Motivation is inside-out.

-       Mindsets drive attitudes.  Attitudes determine behavior.  Behavior determines outcomes.

-       Control your thoughts to control your life.

-       Show appreciation.

-       Total life balance is impossible.

-       Lock the back door.

-       Count your blessings and say thank you more often.

-       Hit the re-set button.

-       Conflict is normal.

-       Success is not a function of your personality style but your ability and willingness to temporally adjust to others.

-       All decisions equal consequences.  Want different outcomes – change your decisions and actions.

-       People don’t resist change – they resist losing control.

-       We all have unlimited and untapped creativity.

-       Confidence is a function of skills, self-esteem and beliefs.

-       Get out of cruise control.

-       Manage your expectations.

-       Discernment is the key to inner peace.

-       Persistence is the vital ingredient for sustained success.

-       How about – “This too shall prepare me” vs. “This too shall pass.”

-       Legacy is not created at the end of life but lived every day.

-       Want more, better, less etc. – increase your desire.

-       Enthusiasm is inside-out.

-       Life is an adventure – don’t settle.

-       Excuses are stupid and a waste of time and energy.

-       Want more – work harder.

-       Everyone has faults.  Faults are nothing more than others negative perception or interpretation of your behaviors.

-       Forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook but letting yourself off the hook of other’s control over you.

-       Uncontrolled fear is the number one cause of a lack of inner peace, happiness, success and contentment in life.

-       The future is uncertain but can be influenced to some degree by actions in the present.

-       Start a Good-Stuff Jar.

-       Keep growing and learning or stay stuck – it’s a choice.

-       Happiness is not what you have, who you are with, where you are or what you are doing – it is a mindset you bring to each of these.

-       Habits control your life but can be changed.

-       Hope is necessary for a better life but it is not a strategy.

-       Pray, but move your feet – do something and stop waiting for God to do it all.

-       Let go of the hurry syndrome – relax, breath experience the now.

-       There are two types of intention – stated intent and real intent.  If you say you are going to do something and don’t – your real intent was not to do it.

-       Joy is a mindset.  Loneliness is a mindset.

-       To change something use the law of displacement.

-       Limitations are nothing more than internal guidelines that you tell yourself are fixed and permanent.

-       Who are your mentors?  How are they helping you on the life journey?

-       Mistakes can’t be avoided.  Make them, learn from them and move on.

-       The “Hundredth Monkey Concept”.

-       Optimistic and positive people live longer and get sick less than pessimists and negative people.

-       Just because a door in front of you opens – doesn’t mean you should go through it.

-       Purpose is the vital trait for success.

-       A lack of patience is the major contributor to stress.

-       Stress is your inside-out reaction to outside-in people, events or circumstances.

-       Just because someone pushes one of your emotional buttons doesn’t mean you must re-act.

-       Problems in life are normal. Learn from them.

-       Prosperity is not just about money.

-       Success is not power, position, wealth or fame – yes these are nice to have but in the end, none of them will give you inner peace.

-       Want to be better – practice.

-       Pain – emotional or physical is a signal that something needs to change.

-       Procrastination is nothing more than fear of the future or the unknown that it represents.

-       When you fail, this does not mean you are a failure – just that you now have the opportunity to get smarter, wiser or better.

-       Quitting too soon is stupid.

-       Start a daily life journal.

-       Start or join a “Mastermind” group.

-       Without focus and concentration, you will never accomplish your objectives, dreams or desires.

-       Passion can make up for a lack of education, experience and connections.

-       Disappointment is a function of unrealized expectations.

-       Let go of the past and the future.

-       Act like a bird and Pull the tooth.

-       Watch your words.

-       Fun is not what you are doing but a mindset.

-       Laugh more.

-       Everything and everyone in life is a teacher.

-       You attract what you resonate.

-       The past is dead.  Let it go.

The Never Syndrome - Guilty???

The never syndrome.

When is never?  I will bet that you have said that at least once in your life and it wasn’t true when you said it as you discovered at some later time in your life.

Why do people feel the need to say, “I will never  (whatever).”  How about a list.  I love lists, they are easy to read and relate to or disagree with depending on your perspective on any given day.( Those of you who have read my latest book, Emerging From Life’s Valleys with Confidence, Patience, Courage and Faith will relate to this, those of you who haven’t read it are missing a great book, seriously, it’s really good.)

People say ‘I will never’ because:

1. They don’t know when never is, so they are safe.

2. It is a habit.

3. It makes them look good, strong, wise or yes, even stupid.

4. They really don’t mean it, they just are setting you up.

5. They really believe that they will never . . .

6. They don’t know what never means.

7. They know you will forget they said it.

8. It sounds good.

Never, means never. 

Not later, once in a while, if conditions change, if I change my mind, if something happens.  Don’t set yourself up.  It is sort of like saying to someone, “I will try.”  When someone says that to you they are setting you up for failure.  Because when they don’t come through, they can always say, “I tried.” 

No one knows what the future holds.  No one can predict how the roll of the dice can change a life. In an instant our entire future can be changed because of some unexpected failure or achievement.  So, learn to embrace the unexpected and release the expected.

There are eight ways we can express this never attitude:

-It will never.

It can never.

-I will never.

-I can never.

-You will never.

-You can never.

-They will never.

-They can never.

Don’t be guilty of assuming someone else will or can never and don’t’ short change yourself and your future by allowing the “never” syndrome into your thoughts. 

Are you learning or stuck in knowing -

Are you learning or stuck in knowing -

Tim Connor

Know a "know it all"?

There is a difference between knowing and learning.  The problem is that many people or should I say "most" people feel they know something and then act according to what they believe they know as truth.

Let me give you a quick example.  For centuries people believed (knew from what they had heard) that the world was flat and they let this knowing impact their beliefs and attitudes.  Then we discovered otherwise - so did everyone change their view or remain stuck in their knowing that was not true?  I don't know, I wasn't there, but what I do know is that truth is truth and regardless of our denial of it or being unaware of it, but it doesn't change the facts or truth.

Years ago scientists believed that the atom was the smallest particle and guess what - with time this was proven that it was not true.  I could go on but over time several subsequent discoveries of the smallest particles proved to still not be true.  

Did everyone embrace the new truths as they emerged?  Some yes and some no.  And why?  Well without personal experience or evidence all we have is what other people tell us, but how do we know that what they know is the truth?  We don't - so we have a choice believe or question.

Flip a switch in your kitchen and the lights come on.  Truth?  Can you see the source or cause - no but you accept what you see as truth - your personal evidence.

This same approach is used by many when it comes to scripture and God.  They have a choice - believe they know it based on what is written or question it - and keep learning and growing.

I could give you thousands of examples to prove that there is more to life than we say we know, but the question remains - do we let our perceived knowing get in the way of our continued learning?

Learning is more than exposure to new information.  It involves a willingness to let go of previous opinions, judgments and mindsets. Just because you read a book or attend a seminar is no guarantee that you will really learn anything, yes you receive new information but generally speaking people resist what is not consistent with their current beliefs, values or knowledge. (By the way the retention of a new idea, concept, approach or philosophy etc. is less than 3% after 2 weeks. (Just thought I would throw that one in for organizations who hire speakers/trainers to do an all day seminar and expect behavior or attitudes to change permanently or even at all.)

As a trainer I have observed thousands of people in my audiences take notes, listen, participate and then change nothing.  Not being critical here - just sharing what I believe is a common challenge to learning and the challenge is - being willing to accept that which you have believed, no matter how vested you are in it, is no longer true, valid or appropriate for how you live your life.

Let me ask you - have you changed any opinion about anything in the past five years - in other words something you believed in the past is no longer relevant or appropriate for how you work, play or just live?  If you answer is no - you are in denial.  We all learn - whether we are actively searching for new knowledge or not - by accident or on purpose.  Life often forces us to learn regardless of whether we are ready or open to new concepts, ideas etc.  Life is a teacher and it teaches us using - failure, problems, adversity, obstacles, disappointment and uncertainty and yes change.

We always have a choice - we can learn what life is trying to teach us, actively search for new knowledge or we can resist life's lessons as they show up.  But I guarantee that if you don't learn when you have the option - sooner or later a similar lesson or opportunity to learn will appear.

For example - if you have never learned the lesson of disappointment I will guarantee that something or someone will continue to disappoint you until you finally get it - we all face disappointment in life and we can learn to accept it and learn to manage it or continue to live with frustration, anxiety, fear etc. due to life's disappointing circumstances.

Let me close with a simple concept - you are either an active life learner continually searching for new knowledge/wisdpm and willing to embrace the new and let go of the old or you are stuck blaming, whining, complaining because life isn't fair, good or it doesn't behave according to your agendas, expectations or schedule.

Welcome to life 101 folks - learn or stay stuck in your knowing or what you believe or think is true.

It’s all trivia . . .

It’s all trivia . . .

Tim Connor

You are born then you die – the rest and everything in between is all trivia. I can hear you now – “are you crazy, don’t you have a clue as to what I have to put up with every day – kids, bosses, customers, spouses, family, financial challenges, career decisions, fellow employees.” – “Yes, I hear you – and - blah, blah, blah, and again – blah, blah, blah.”

Now is a very short time and eternity is forever and I don’t give a rip about what you believe or don’t spiritually – there is more to the life experience than just 60 or 70 years on earth dealing with its trivia. 

Now don’t get me wrong – natural disasters that take your home away, criminals who steal a loved one from you or getting diagnosed with a life threating disease in your teens is big stuff but in the end looking back over your life, let me ask you - did you spend too much valuable time in stress, worry, frustration, anxiety, despair, discouragement, fear etc. on stuff that really didn’t matter or that you came to realize it wasn’t worth the emotional energy, time or resources you gave it?  I’ll bet every one of you, if you are honest, the answer is yes to something or even a lot.

So, what is trivia – well for starters it depends on several factors; your expectations that don’t come to fruition, your time and effort that end with failure or more problems, the money spent on stuff that you recently threw away or donated, relationships that end badly or too soon – I could go on but if you are honest you will come to the same conclusions – in the end when you are getting ready to head over to the other side and your time here is finished none of that will have been worth giving it more than it deserved.

Why do we stress and fret over life’s trivia – is it ego, the need for control, the desire to look good or achieve other’s approval or something else much deeper?

I believe the life approach to overrating trivial stuff that is one of the significant factors is simply self-aggrandizement or the basic need to feel like who you are and what you do – matter. This need includes the ability to accept who you are, no matter where you are in life, to be OK with what you have or don’t have and the belief that what you do is important – from being mother or a janitor, from the sales rep to the CEO, from the retiree to the 20 year-old.

Let me ask you – are you stressing today about anything?  Come on be honest.  OK if not today how about this week or this month or even this year? Or, do you feel in total control of every aspect of your life – I will seriously doubt the latter – that is unless you are living in denial in a cave somewhere in Colorado.

Why not spend a little time creating what I call a “I am in control of - list and a what I am not in control of - list?” You might be surprised at what shows up on both lists but in the end the stuff on your can’t control list is all trivia folks whether you agree with me or not or whether you like it or not.

I won’t bore you with my 50 plus years of career, financial, business and relationship challenges, but looking back now the realization that I gave them more time and energy than they deserved is a far greater disappointment than the actual stuff that happened.

So before I move on to my next trivial matter let me just say that whatever you are dealing with or facing in life now or today over - time will be lost in large wastebasket of regrets.

Life is more than second chances!

Life is more than second chances!

Tim Connor

Ever made a bad decision, mistake or just wish you could erase a previous action, choice or outcome?  This makes you normal, but the real question is – do you still feel the regret or pain of one of these actions and are you still living with the inability to let go – even to the point of missing a second or even third chance that life always offers?

Trust me – I have made more than my share of poor choices and life and career decisions, but life has always come through offering me the opportunity to begin again whether in a relationship, business activity or any number of life areas.

What are second chances and why do we fail to recognize or take advantage of them? The first question is easy but the second one deserves a little more understanding.

Second chances – When life says – it’s OK you can try again even though you screwed up last time.  Pretty simple – wouldn’t you agree?

But the real question is - why do we fail to recognize or take advantage of them?  There are many reasons but I believe most of them fall into one or more of the following categories; fear, ego needs, you are closed off emotionally, low self-esteem, resistance or fear of change, stuck in blame or whining or sustained anger or regret.  Let’s take a brief look at each when it comes to missing second, third or even a tenth chance.

fear – the number one cause of all negative emotions is fear or the mindset that life is giving you something you don’t deserve or want. When we fail or face severe challenges, problems or mistakes we have two choices fear what’s happening and what could or might happen or learn from – whatever – and move on wiser.  Not always easy or for some people even possible but in the end you can choose to remain stuck or begin again.

ego needs – the ego can’t admit mistakes, failure or poor performance or outcomes.  It circles the wagons and draws a line in the sand or often just goes into denial.  But, in the end – it is what it is – and you can accept, admit or face it or pretend it isn’t happening or didn’t happen.  But, in the end it did so none of these tactics will help you grow, improve or change for the better.

you are closed off emotionally – shutting down emotionally and failing to experience, acknowledge or display your reaction to what is happening (tears, managed anger or even laughter) just increases your stress and your method of justification for your responses.  In the end however the emotional pain that you experience is a warning, guide, helper if you will only pay attention and learn from it what it is trying to teach you.

low self-esteem – If you don’t like yourself or feel you are worthy, worthwhile or special (not in an arrogant way) you will always let what is happening control you and fail to learn or change. Your common response is almost always “I deserve or deserved this.”

resistance or fear of change – Life changes.  Nothing remains the same. Everything ends sooner or later. Change is not good or bad or anything in between, it is simply life unfolding one moment, one day or one year at a time. Resisting what is will never maintain the comfortable status quo – things will just keep changing and you can interpret it as a positive opportunity or something to regret and try to hold on to for dear life.

you are stuck in blame or whining – Get over it. Enough said.

sustained anger or regret – when you are stuck in regret or anger (both negative emotions) you will fail to recognize something new that could be a wonderful next step or potential opportunity.  You are so wrapped up in your feelings that even a slap on the side of your head with a baseball bat won’t get your attention.

So, have you been given a second or third chance lately? Have you honored, it or avoided it or run from it?

Real life begins at the edge of your comfort zone

Real life begins at the edge

of your comfort zone

Tim Connor

Why is it that some people live with a risk mentality and others always play it safe?  For the people who play it safe - is it fear of the unknown, the need for control, impatience, ego needs or some other rationale or mindset? Let’s talk about your comfort zone and its impact on your future.

What is a comfort zone?  My perspective is that it is only acting, deciding or moving only where you feel you can control outcomes, consequences or circumstances.  In other words – you don’t invest in financial markets, you don’t try new tasks or hobbies, you don’t take vacations to new locations, you are afraid to start new relationships etc.  You just go with what you know or feel offers little or no uncertainty and yes emotional comfort.  Well let me tell you – the only thing that is certain in life is its uncertainty – so if this is true and believe me it is – why do people stay stuck in what they know, feel, believe or think even though they live with an inner urge to change, try or do something new or different? 

Here are a few of the common ones – risk avoidance, low self-esteem, insecurity, out of control fear, off the chart egos, arrogance, the need for approval and a pessimistic mindset.

Risk avoidance – life is risk – period.  The only way to avoid risk is to die.  Everyone defines risk uniquely according to their comfort zone but what if your comfort zone is grounded in safe or how you define safe and what if your definition of safe is wrong, outdated or just plain stupid?

Low self-esteem – when you lack belief in yourself you will tend to always play it safe avoiding anything that might disrupt your sense of balance or emotional stability.

Insecurity – insecurity is a lack of self-trust and if this is one of your guiding principles you will tend to avoid risks of any kind simply because you think you are not worthy.

Out of control fear – if you fear something, anything you will always only do what you feel will always turn out positively.  If you feel there is any chance of failure, mistakes, criticism or problems you will settle, avoid and stick your head in the sand.

Off the chart egos – a large ego wants to always look good to others, therefore you will have difficulty admitting mistakes, failures or situations where you might look weak or inadequate.  You may take risks but only when you believe or are confident they will turn out well.

Arrogance – arrogance is a close cousin of pride and pride can never admit weakness. So if something new potentially puts you in a position of risk you will blame, point the finger or go into a state of denial.

The need for approval – if you always need the approval of others sooner or later you will discover that when you constantly live with this as your guiding principle or mantra you will eventually lose yourself and become a combination of traits that you feel will never put you in jeopardy of rejection.

A pessimistic mindset – pessimist’s always see the negative no matter how positive anything can be.  These folks can’t admit to success, achievement or anything positive so when they take any kind of a risk they need an escape plan or something or someone to blame.

So, having said all this why live outside your comfort zone?  Well, I could go on for pages but here are just six reasons – they will give you -

Greater confidence

New friends/relationships

More fun

More positive memories

New adventures

New skills

Let me close with two simple questions – are you living outside or inside your comfort zone in some area of your life? Why or why not?

Life’s three essential choices

Life’s three essential choices

Tim Connor

You might think life has more than just three choices and you would be right but the three I want to share are simply some of the biggest ones we will ever make.  They are – change it, accept it or leave.  Let me explain.

Whether it’s a career position, a business, a client, a boss, a relationship or circumstances often we tolerate people or circumstances longer than we should or are even necessary.  There are numerous reasons why we put up with these kinds of situations or people, but in the end the price we pay for staying too long can have a negative impact on our attitudes, self-esteem, life outlook and future opportunities.

Let’s say you have a supervisor who invalidates you, doesn’t respect you and is always criticizing you unnecessarily – got the picture?  You have three choices when it comes to this person – change them, accept their behavior or leave. 

Now I’m not suggesting that you throw in the towel quickly or easily but in the end is staying in this situation longer than necessary hoping they will change or improve or would your future and life be better served to just accept that they are who they are and you will just have to deal with them. 

However, if you can’t change them and you can’t bring yourself to accept their behavior as it is wearing you down and having a negative impact on other areas of your life or relationships – well the only other option is to leave.

Personally I have put up with bad bosses on a few occasions in my life and just decided I would rather go broke working for myself than get wealthy working for someone else.  Again I am by no means suggesting that you should do the same as I have done as each of us has our tolerance levels for other’s poor behavior but when you are staying longer than you know you should for the wrong reasons – you know it in your heart.

How about a personal relationship?  Let’s say you have been dating or married to someone for several years and you just can’t deal with their pessimism, intolerance, nagging – whatever - and it’s starting to affect other relationships at work, with friends or even total strangers – so you have a choice – you can try and change them – good luck.  But, if you can’t and putting up with their issues is wearing you down emotionally, spiritually or even physically then your next option is to just accept who they are and how they behave knowing that they will not improve or change.  But, if accepting them or it is beyond your level of values, tolerance, compassion or understanding all you have left – you got it – leave.  Again, I’m not suggesting that as soon as someone behaves badly or upsets you that you should walk away from the table however you have to decide the consequences of staying too long or leaving.

I might add that the biggest times of stress in your life are when you can’t change something or someone but you refuse to accept them or when you can’t accept them and you won’t leave.

So, there you have it – change it or them or accept it or them and if you can’t do either your choice is deal with it without complaining and whining or leave.