Thoughts and life outcomes - a few questions

Thoughts and life Questions

The mind is your life’s control tower – is it working for you or against you?

Thoughts = life = attitudes = actions = outcomes.  Don’t like some of the outcomes you are getting in any life area . . . consider the following . . .

Where are my thoughts leading me?

Where do I want my thoughts to take me in the future?

Do my thoughts fit who I am – who I want to be – do what I want to do?

Are my thoughts helping me become who I want to be?

How are my thoughts impacting those around me?

Are my thoughts building me up or tearing me down?

Where did my current thoughts come from?

Why am I thinking these thoughts?

How do these thoughts make me feel?

Why am I continuing to think these thoughts?

What do I need to do to change my thoughts?

Am I willing to do the inner work to change my thoughts?

Want more questions like these – order my “Life Questions Manual” on my website;

Is the time bomb in your head killing you?

Tim Connor

Everyone has this time bomb in their head – it’s ticking – for some folks it’s ticking so fast they are heading for the grave before they know it.  For others – it’s ticking but it’s just slowly ticking and stealing the value of life from their life.

Are you slowly killing yourself?

If you have never read an article about “stress” you have probably just landed here from some distant planet.

I will also wager that if you are an employee, employer, parent or spouse you know some of the symptoms and causes of stress. It is not my objective to lecture you on life’s do’s and don’ts and right’s or wrong’s but to simply ask you if you realize the negative long-term consequences of your stressors and the benefit of managing them better before it is too late.

Let me summarize my all-day seminar on stress with one sentence.  Stress is your inside-out reaction to outside-in circumstances, events or people. Sound simple?  Well, if it is why do so many people die every year from stress-related illnesses?

The number one contributor to death (I didn’t say cause) is stress.  Know the number one contributor to stress?  It’s impatience and/or the need for control.  Know a control freak?  Know someone who is impatient, in a hurry or have just “lost it” when it comes to letting life be as it is and not how they feel or believe it should always be?

Keep in mind failure causes stress. Winning the lottery causes stress. Losing a job causes stress.  Getting a promotion causes stress.  Get it? There are negative and positive stressors, but the body doesn’t distinguish between them – to your body they are all just “stressors”. So, the real key here is not what stressors are in your life but how you are reacting to them and/or handling them.

Each of us daily, even hourly must confront people and issues that bring with them great potential for stress.  We can’t stick our heads in the sand and ask the world to go away.  We must deal in the evolving, often hectic, fast paced and ever-changing world of business, finances, technology and relationships.  And we must survive as we go about these daily routines.  It’s a fact that most of us create our own stress and/or our stressors.  We do so in a variety of ways.  Here are just a few;

1. We create deadlines and expectations.  2. We set ourselves up for frustration and disappointment.  3. We have unrealistic attitudes and goals.  4. We live out of balance. 5. We carry around blame and resentment.  6. We suppress feelings and emotions.  7. But most of all we fail to keep all of this in perspective as we move through the hours, days and years of our life. 

So why do we do this to ourselves? And we do - do it to ourselves.  No one does it to us. We do it in the name of success, financial gain, profit, competition, winning, perceived happiness, security, ego needs or arrogance and more and more and more.  And in the long run, we end up with less.  Less satisfying relationships, poor health, less fun, less happiness and less pure joy of living.   Stress keeps you stuck in the future or the past and out of the joy of the present. 

Stress, in my opinion, is the single greatest threat to happiness, joy and a truly rewarding life. It ruins relationships. It causes health issues. It destroys careers.

I hope I have your attention. If you are under stress you don't need me to tell you.  Your body is doing an excellent job of telling you this very minute.  You are either ignoring the signals or overriding them with drugs, denial, pills, projection or stimulants of some kind.

There is something you can do to alleviate all of this stress in your life.  You will not find my suggestions very profound or enlightening.  But they will help you live longer.

1.   Lighten up.  2. Accept that life and business is a game.  You win some and you

lose some.  You will never win them all and you won't lose them all.  3. Relax.  You can’t keep draining your battery without recharging it from time to time.  4. Slow down.  You are not in a race.  If you think you are, trust me you will never win.  Your only hope is to just try and finish, alive.  5. Stay in the present.  Your mad dash into your future is all in vain.  The time you miss now, the fun you miss now, the relationships you miss now and the simple pleasures you miss now can’t be found in the future.  They can’t be enjoyed from a hospital bed or from the grave.  6. Laugh a lot.  Laughter is nourishment for the soul.  7. Take time to play.  7. Accept people and life as it is. You can’t change anyone.  People are who they are and act the way they act. Period.  Life is.  You can’t manipulate the rules of the universe and life to your liking.  8. Rest.  It is not a sin to do nothing.  It is not a crime to spend time in an aimless pursuit of nothingness.

It's a choice – live longer or die sooner – this my friend is a simple fact of life – manage your stressors or let them kill you.

Is the grass really greener on the other side of the street?

Is the grass really greener over there?

Tim Connor

Is the grass really greener on the other side of the street?  Do the people over there that you observe day in and day out; have more fun, better relationships, more rewarding careers, fewer problems or just have better lives in general?  Are they content or are they looking at your side of the street wondering the same things about you?  If you switched sides would both of you be any happier? Have less stress? Find your life’s dream in the front yard?

Consider for a moment – maybe the grass is greener on the other side of the street because they are using better fertilizer, weeding more often and watering regularly.  Maybe they are just taking better care of their lawn (life) than you are.  I’m sure I don’t need to give you hundreds of words and unlimited illustrations for you to get this simple analogy.

Most people are searching for only a few fundamental things in life.  I believe the significant ones are to be loved and to give love, acceptance for who they are and who they are becoming, appreciation, validation, respect and the opportunity to be happy, successful, safe and content. All of the other stuff you and I say we want - and the list is far too long to share here - is often just an elusive dream.

It could be time to start doing a better job of nurturing your own lawn, garden (life) than the people you seem to envy are doing.

Having been in front of over a million people in my global audiences over the years I can tell you that after hundreds if not thousands of discussions everyone wishes they had something better or different in their life, career, finances, business or relationships.  And yet – they keep searching outside themselves for the answers, solutions or results. 

Suffice it to say that you will never get everything you want “out there” until you do a better job of fertilizing, growing and nurturing your “in there.”  What are you searching for now or have you been looking for, hoping for or dreaming about for years that is still evading you or that is missing in your life?  Let’s take a brief look at just a few of these: 

Love: Everyone wants to love someone and be loved by someone.  It is a deep yearning in every heart, the desire for real and lasting love.  Not just romantic love, not egotistical love, not superficial love, not manipulative love just real unconditional love from the heart.

Acceptance: I believe everyone wants to feel like they are o.k. just the way they are, that they don’t need to change anything, according to your expectations, to be accepted by you. I can be me and it's o.k.  You don't have to like it, but you can learn to accept it or live with it. No one was put on this earth for the approval of others.  Yes, we all can grow and be better, wiser, smarter, nicer, etc. but that’s up to us and not those in our lives.

Appreciation:  Real appreciation, given from the heart with no agendas or expectations is one of the real needs of the human spirit. Appreciation says you care, are aware of what other's do, are interested in showing them that they matter.  Everyone does something every day for others and I guarantee that they feel they should be appreciated for it.  I am not saying here that you should spend every waking minute giving appreciation to someone who is insecure, needy or egotistical.  No matter how much you give them it will never be enough.

Validation:  There are so many ways we invalidate people.  We interrupt them, we forget to do things for them that we promised we would, we don’t listen to them, we do all of the talking when we are with them, we don’t give them credit for having anything worthwhile to say, feel and we take credit for their ideas.  We constantly say to them: you should, why don't you, you need to - this list my friends is endless.  One way to know if you are with an invalidator is: how do you feel when you are around them?  Do you like yourself more or less when in their presence?  When we invalidate others, we say to them - you don’t matter.

Respect: Not everyone will go to the moon, invent a cure for cancer or become a billionaire but we all deserve the respect of others regardless of our race, education, religion, age, looks, etc.  This doesn’t mean we agree with them or even like them, but respect is not about liking or loving.  When you judge another person that doesn’t define them – it defines you.

So, let me ask you – is it time to buy some more or better-quality fertilizer for your lawn?

What are you taking for granted in life . . .

What are you taking for granted in life?

Tim Connor

It constantly amazes me what so many people take for granted in life every day; whether their health, career, someone’s love or even the 60+ beats of their heart every minute of every hour of every day.  Have you ever really thought that in any given moment you are less than five minutes away from death?  Not trying to be morbid here but the average number of deaths every day in the US alone is over 8000 people.  Could you be one of them tomorrow?



Why do people take things for granted and fail to have gratitude for little daily blessings or victories?  Yes, when you win the Lotto, do you say thank you or do you say, “I deserved that?”  Are you routinely filled with appreciation for the over three trillion chemical reactions every second in your body that allow you to laugh, hear, walk, see, learn, smile or just think without conscious effort, awareness or attention?



I’ll bet if you suddenly lost your eyesight you would feel gratitude for the years you could see.  If you were in an auto accident and had to use crutches for three months, I’ll bet you would feel appreciation for the ability to walk before that unexpected event.



Is it ego, a belief of entitlement or something more that causes people to take so many things in life for granted?  I think it’s something more.  I have lost many things during my life, but I can tell you that several times a day I thank God for each and every one of my life’s gifts and blessings no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.



I believe that most people are so self-focused these days that they never even think to thank life or God or who or whatever you believe in for all of the blessings you have received, are receiving and possibly will receive.  So many people expect that life should happen the way they want, expect or believe they deserve, that bad stuff won’t happen to them for any number of reasons.  They feel like they are even invincible, and that life should only happen on their terms.  Well, I have news for you, unless you have discovered this for yourself and don’t need my reminder, that nothing or no one is immune to life’s adversity, trauma, uncertainties or unexpected negative events.



Just look at the hundreds of people who have lost their homes in the past due to tornadoes, hurricanes or floods.  Do you think that one minute before or even a week before they lost everything that these folks said thank you for what they had?  I seriously doubt it.



How about you?  What are you taking for granted?  That your children will grow up safe and happy and secure?  That you will have a job next week?  That your health will not become a burden?  That you will always have your sight, the ability to remember or just enjoy each new day and each new event?



Millions of people every day face adversity that they didn’t expect or feel they deserved but, in the end, Tornadoes or drunk drivers don’t give a rip about your personal views.  When the economy is in chaos millions of people lose their homes and jobs.  Did they deserve these outcomes?  I’ll bet in most cases no, but in the end, our expectations, beliefs, and attitudes about what we deserve or are entitled to is a very fragile set of circumstances.



I have friends who have died at an early age - relatives who have had to deal with serious family challenges and have met total strangers during my travels that their stories would bring tears to your eyes in a heartbeat.



Life is a very fragile gift and the sooner you stop taking things for granted the sooner you will have inner peace, happiness, contentment and feel gratitude every minute for all of life’s gifts and blessings no matter how small or insignificant they might seem to you now.



Just start saying thank you more often to everything and everyone and you might be surprised at how it lifts your spirit as well as theirs.

Life is not a "dress rehearsal" . . .

Life is not a dress rehearsal . . .

Tim Connor

Each of us is born, spend all our days searching for peace, success, love, happiness, freedom, pleasure and then we die. Some people leave a positive legacy behind while others leave a destructive one. Some people contribute to the lives of their fellow man while others only take from society. And some people have a positive impact on the world while others have a negative one.

Why the difference? I can't answer that question in 200 words.

What I can say is, that each of us has the gift of a new day, a new chance and a new responsibility to serve if we were blessed enough to see another sunrise.

Life is not a dress rehearsal for something later or better. Each day is the first and last act of the personal performance of our lives. Some people seem to live with the illusion that life will be better when they are older, wiser, richer, more famous, happier, busier, better looking, retired, or a million other reasons. Not so. Life is either good or not good, now regardless of your circumstances. Yes, you may be richer later, but who is to say you will need or even want the wealth later? Yes, you may be wiser later in life but who is to say you were not wise now? Yes, you may be more famous later but what does real fame mean?

So many people chase the illusions of life with a rigorous zeal hoping that somehow life will be better "when or if". Sorry folks. Life is now. This is not a dress rehearsal for your next life.

Yes, we can change, learn, grow and improve to help make what's next in our life better in some way, but there are no guarantees they will work, or we will be able to enjoy or benefit from them.

So bask in the sunshine or the shade, whichever you prefer, now, be happy now, have fun now, love now, work now, spend money now, save for a rainy day now, and feel gratitude for the life you have, now it's all that is guaranteed!

It doesn't really get better (and this depends on how each of us chooses to define better) later, just different. If you are not happy where you are now - it's unlikely you will be even happier where you aren't - yet. Life is not about tomorrow or yesterday. It is about now. So, don't worry if you forget your lines, misplace your costume - today is not the dress rehearsal it's - SHOWTIME!

So . . . you think you really know me!

So, you think you really know me!

Tim Connor

So . . . you think you really know me – my faults and my strengths, my history and my goals, my fears, and my desires and yes, all the pain and disappointments, failures and troubles and yes, achievements I have had?  Well, I have news for you – I don’t really know you and you will never really know me. Let me ask you - do any of us really know anyone? Will we ever really know anyone? Can we ever really know anyone? The answers are; no, no and NO.  Don’t believe me . . . read on.


I am not going to bore you with my past history of failure and success, pain and achievement and desires and disappointments and I am not going to ask you to share all of yours with me on our honeymoon, when we meet for dinner, sit side by side at a meeting or meet as strangers passing in the night, but suffice it to say we all have a history that no one and I mean no one will ever know everything there is to know about what makes us “us”.  Having spoken to over a million people in twenty-five countries I know what it feels like to be judged by others who, by the way have no right (keep reading) to do so. But I digress.


Why is so much the world so judgmental today acting as if they are perfect and not flawed or we are not worthy of their respect, compassion, and understanding?


Ever met someone, a; homeless person, millionaire, politician, younger person or someone in their final years and decided because of your interpretation of their circumstances they did not deserve your time, interest, compassion or respect?  Ever met someone who had it all and because they did, they became your idol and your future life model for who you wanted to become in your life, without knowing anything about them except what they wanted you to know?


During my global travels, I have met many wonderful people whose life was not dedicated to trying to convince me they were better or smarter than me and I have met many people who went out of their way to try and get me to believe they were not flawed, broken or weak in some way.


I have had many mentors and heroes during my life and one of the common traits of all of them was their humility, integrity, self-depreciation, and kindness regardless of their wealth, fame, success or lack of all or any of these.


I don’t care if you are my parent, spouse, best friend or sibling, you can never know the extent of my life trials, pain, fears and frustrations and I can never know all of yours.  If this is true and I believe it is why do so many people make stupid, unworthy and unreliable assumptions or opinions about so many people whether friends, relatives, politicians, taxi drivers, acquaintances or even total strangers?


Is it arrogance or ego?  Insecurity or immaturity? Stupidity or just plain insanity?  I don’t have a clue but what I do know is that I will guarantee during your life you will be judged incorrectly by someone else because they had no idea of the struggles or achievements you had experienced or weathered during your many years.  And I will also guarantee that you have done the same at some point about someone else.  So, the question remains – why?


In a few words let me share what I believe are the five major reasons why this is one of today’s realities of life as we know it.


First – few people can admit their true weaknesses and brokenness in any life areas to others so the rest of us are left with our own interpretations, impressions or ideas about you and your life and where you are and how you got there.  Yes, there are some folks who can fess up about their wounds, mistakes, failures, and frustrations but they are few and far between.


Second – it is my opinion that society - - and the “selfie” orientation today along with all of the social media opportunities - - only wants to; see, talk about, witness and admit the good and great stuff and keep the negative stuff and often the truth hidden forever from everyone.   Yes, there are many who are not part of this social network of needy people, but I believe we are in the majority.


Third – None of us are or ever will be perfect.  We are all human, flawed, weak, stupid and insecure in some way regardless of the house we live in, our bank balance, our age, position or any other life circumstance.  And yes, we are all clever, smart, intuitive, influential and positive in many ways as well.  The question in life is – can we be as honest about the weaknesses as we can about the positives?


Fourth – Some people come into our lives to help us and some come for us to help them. Whether family, friends, co-workers or strangers we were put on this earth to influence, serve or help someone else or others in some way.  We were not put here to just take selfies, post photos on Facebook or expect the world to bow or cave to all of our demands or expectations. Get over it – there will always be people better off than you, smarter than you, better looking than you, richer than you, etc. (group one) and there will always be people poorer than you, uglier than you, stupider than you and worse off than you (group two). But neither group deserves the scorn, disapproval or ridicule of people on the other side because I will guarantee that there are people in group one who have done some really stupid things and there are people in group two who in some ways are like a Saint.


Fifth – And finally (yes there are others, but I know you have other things to do so I have tried to keep this short as possible) everyone on earth wants a few of the same things – happiness, security, safety, respect, and love. The problem is that far too many people - sacrifice themselves and who they are and what they believe – to achieve, gain or find these in life.  They give up their dreams to find the right life partner.  They give up their integrity to keep a job.  They keep quiet when their values, morals or ideas are challenged by others to avoid conflict.  And, they cave to the demands and expectations of certain groups or life, in general, to not be seen as a trouble-maker, change agent or even worthy of the respect that their simple humanity gives them.


You have the right to be you.  You have the right to grow.  You have the right to change.  You have the right to fail.  You have the right to succeed.  You the right to prosper.  You have the right to your opinions, beliefs, and values.  Just keep in mind that just because you have these rights does not eliminate them from my life as well.  Your right is not to diminish or ridicule my right to my circumstances, beliefs, values as long as both of us – “important” do not harm each other in any way – physically, morally or publicly.

If you want anything to change - try looking in the mirror!

If you want anything to change

– try looking in the mirror!

Tim Connor

If you are overweight – it’s most likely because you have accepted your condition.  If you are broke – it’s probably because you are unwilling to do what you need to do to get out from under.  If you are staying in a negative relationship – I’ll wager, it’s because you have settled for one or more reasons.  If you are in a career or job you hate – I’ll bet it’s because you are being driven by fear and doubt rather than faith and/or trust. If your health is not ideal, I’m guessing that there is some personal behavior that is in one way or another contributing to your malaise. If you have a department or staff section in your organization that is not performing to expectations – I’ll guarantee it’s because you tolerate the behavior, or you may be even contributing to it with your management style. Life is a process, not an event.  You are always moving toward something or away from it and “it” is a neutral concept.  “It” doesn’t judge, persuade, reward or blame “it” is just is life one moment, one day and one year at a time.


As the author of 80+ books (and a few bestsellers), I’ll guarantee that at least one person reading this is taking issue with one or all of the above statements and you know why?  Well, there could be many reasons, but the basic ones are; blame, denial, arrogance, ignorance, a victim mindset or just out of touch with reality.  Or, because they are unwilling to look in the mirror and admit that if a change is going to happen in their life it will never happen as long as they feel they are not responsible.  If you disagree with my premises so far, why not write an article yourself explaining your point of view?


But, let me get to my point before I lose all of you.


We can blame life (others, parents, advertising, the media, the government, social media, our gender, our race, our religion, our age – need I go on) for our life circumstances – or – we can look in the mirror.  And, this folks - is never or always easy which is why so few people ever do it.


Blame is stupid.  Regret is dumb. Denial helps nothing. Shame doesn’t improve life. I could go on with dozens of more emotions or words like these that describe negative feelings. And then there is joy, gratitude, responsibility, acceptance, compassion, and maturity, to share the other side of the subject. But I hope I have made my point so far – that what we are feeling is not always an accurate representation of what is going on, but simply our interpretation, explanation or opinion of what is going on. And trust me, most people’s interpretation is generally compatible with what they are comfortable with and not always what makes the most sense to deal effectively with an issue, circumstance, person or challenge.


So, we always have two ways to look at any life situation – the truth (reality) or our version of truth (reality). Curious - which one of these two approaches do you think will help us deal most effectively with a life issue or situation most effectively? Back to that question in a minute.


So here is a quick scenario I once used to justify some personal circumstances that kept me stuck until I was willing to look in the mirror.


Many years ago, my parents wouldn’t pay for my college education.  So, I tried for three years to make some progress on my own but just couldn’t pull it off, so I joined the Air Force and picked up three years of college credits while serving for four years.


When I got out of the military, I spent far too many years in emotional blame mode for their lack of help, compassion and what I perceived as – understanding.  No, let me restate that - I wasted far too many years carrying this negative emotion into every area of my life.  Finally, I was able to let it go and as a result, many years later I have had numerous audiences around the world where everyone present had more education than me and were all probably smarter than me. Go figure!


Yes, I have many stories like this as I’m sure you do too but my question is simply – are any of your stories getting in the way of happiness, success, inner peace, etc. because you can’t or won’t face them, deal with them, admit them – whatever?


Blame, regret, anger, denial - all of these and more prevent us from overcoming issues that will haunt us for years if we let them.  They will keep us stuck preventing inner peace, success in careers or relationships.  Don’t believe me; a few statistics that I believe are connected or at least in some way related to this challenge;


The divorce rate in the US has been between 45-55% for years.

The suicide rate in the US – average is 135 per day.

The obesity rate in the US – 39%.

Drug, alcohol, cigarette addiction affects – in the US over 1 million people die every year due to these three.


Need more? Cause there are plenty I could share – but, I don’t.


Want a better life in any way before you leave here – look in the mirror.  Knows someone who needs to look in the mirror. Keep trying until you can get them too.