If you want anything to change - try looking in the mirror!

If you want anything to change

– try looking in the mirror!

Tim Connor

If you are overweight – it’s most likely because you have accepted your condition.  If you are broke – it’s probably because you are unwilling to do what you need to do to get out from under.  If you are staying in a negative relationship – I’ll wager, it’s because you have settled for one or more reasons.  If you are in a career or job you hate – I’ll bet it’s because you are being driven by fear and doubt rather than faith and/or trust. If your health is not ideal, I’m guessing that there is some personal behavior that is in one way or another contributing to your malaise. If you have a department or staff section in your organization that is not performing to expectations – I’ll guarantee it’s because you tolerate the behavior, or you may be even contributing to it with your management style. Life is a process, not an event.  You are always moving toward something or away from it and “it” is a neutral concept.  “It” doesn’t judge, persuade, reward or blame “it” is just is life one moment, one day and one year at a time.


As the author of 80+ books (and a few bestsellers), I’ll guarantee that at least one person reading this is taking issue with one or all of the above statements and you know why?  Well, there could be many reasons, but the basic ones are; blame, denial, arrogance, ignorance, a victim mindset or just out of touch with reality.  Or, because they are unwilling to look in the mirror and admit that if a change is going to happen in their life it will never happen as long as they feel they are not responsible.  If you disagree with my premises so far, why not write an article yourself explaining your point of view?


But, let me get to my point before I lose all of you.


We can blame life (others, parents, advertising, the media, the government, social media, our gender, our race, our religion, our age – need I go on) for our life circumstances – or – we can look in the mirror.  And, this folks - is never or always easy which is why so few people ever do it.


Blame is stupid.  Regret is dumb. Denial helps nothing. Shame doesn’t improve life. I could go on with dozens of more emotions or words like these that describe negative feelings. And then there is joy, gratitude, responsibility, acceptance, compassion, and maturity, to share the other side of the subject. But I hope I have made my point so far – that what we are feeling is not always an accurate representation of what is going on, but simply our interpretation, explanation or opinion of what is going on. And trust me, most people’s interpretation is generally compatible with what they are comfortable with and not always what makes the most sense to deal effectively with an issue, circumstance, person or challenge.


So, we always have two ways to look at any life situation – the truth (reality) or our version of truth (reality). Curious - which one of these two approaches do you think will help us deal most effectively with a life issue or situation most effectively? Back to that question in a minute.


So here is a quick scenario I once used to justify some personal circumstances that kept me stuck until I was willing to look in the mirror.


Many years ago, my parents wouldn’t pay for my college education.  So, I tried for three years to make some progress on my own but just couldn’t pull it off, so I joined the Air Force and picked up three years of college credits while serving for four years.


When I got out of the military, I spent far too many years in emotional blame mode for their lack of help, compassion and what I perceived as – understanding.  No, let me restate that - I wasted far too many years carrying this negative emotion into every area of my life.  Finally, I was able to let it go and as a result, many years later I have had numerous audiences around the world where everyone present had more education than me and were all probably smarter than me. Go figure!


Yes, I have many stories like this as I’m sure you do too but my question is simply – are any of your stories getting in the way of happiness, success, inner peace, etc. because you can’t or won’t face them, deal with them, admit them – whatever?


Blame, regret, anger, denial - all of these and more prevent us from overcoming issues that will haunt us for years if we let them.  They will keep us stuck preventing inner peace, success in careers or relationships.  Don’t believe me; a few statistics that I believe are connected or at least in some way related to this challenge;


The divorce rate in the US has been between 45-55% for years.

The suicide rate in the US – average is 135 per day.

The obesity rate in the US – 39%.

Drug, alcohol, cigarette addiction affects – in the US over 1 million people die every year due to these three.


Need more? Cause there are plenty I could share – but, I don’t.


Want a better life in any way before you leave here – look in the mirror.  Knows someone who needs to look in the mirror. Keep trying until you can get them too.