So . . . you think you really know me!

So, you think you really know me!

Tim Connor

So . . . you think you really know me – my faults and my strengths, my history and my goals, my fears, and my desires and yes, all the pain and disappointments, failures and troubles and yes, achievements I have had?  Well, I have news for you – I don’t really know you and you will never really know me. Let me ask you - do any of us really know anyone? Will we ever really know anyone? Can we ever really know anyone? The answers are; no, no and NO.  Don’t believe me . . . read on.


I am not going to bore you with my past history of failure and success, pain and achievement and desires and disappointments and I am not going to ask you to share all of yours with me on our honeymoon, when we meet for dinner, sit side by side at a meeting or meet as strangers passing in the night, but suffice it to say we all have a history that no one and I mean no one will ever know everything there is to know about what makes us “us”.  Having spoken to over a million people in twenty-five countries I know what it feels like to be judged by others who, by the way have no right (keep reading) to do so. But I digress.


Why is so much the world so judgmental today acting as if they are perfect and not flawed or we are not worthy of their respect, compassion, and understanding?


Ever met someone, a; homeless person, millionaire, politician, younger person or someone in their final years and decided because of your interpretation of their circumstances they did not deserve your time, interest, compassion or respect?  Ever met someone who had it all and because they did, they became your idol and your future life model for who you wanted to become in your life, without knowing anything about them except what they wanted you to know?


During my global travels, I have met many wonderful people whose life was not dedicated to trying to convince me they were better or smarter than me and I have met many people who went out of their way to try and get me to believe they were not flawed, broken or weak in some way.


I have had many mentors and heroes during my life and one of the common traits of all of them was their humility, integrity, self-depreciation, and kindness regardless of their wealth, fame, success or lack of all or any of these.


I don’t care if you are my parent, spouse, best friend or sibling, you can never know the extent of my life trials, pain, fears and frustrations and I can never know all of yours.  If this is true and I believe it is why do so many people make stupid, unworthy and unreliable assumptions or opinions about so many people whether friends, relatives, politicians, taxi drivers, acquaintances or even total strangers?


Is it arrogance or ego?  Insecurity or immaturity? Stupidity or just plain insanity?  I don’t have a clue but what I do know is that I will guarantee during your life you will be judged incorrectly by someone else because they had no idea of the struggles or achievements you had experienced or weathered during your many years.  And I will also guarantee that you have done the same at some point about someone else.  So, the question remains – why?


In a few words let me share what I believe are the five major reasons why this is one of today’s realities of life as we know it.


First – few people can admit their true weaknesses and brokenness in any life areas to others so the rest of us are left with our own interpretations, impressions or ideas about you and your life and where you are and how you got there.  Yes, there are some folks who can fess up about their wounds, mistakes, failures, and frustrations but they are few and far between.


Second – it is my opinion that society - - and the “selfie” orientation today along with all of the social media opportunities - - only wants to; see, talk about, witness and admit the good and great stuff and keep the negative stuff and often the truth hidden forever from everyone.   Yes, there are many who are not part of this social network of needy people, but I believe we are in the majority.


Third – None of us are or ever will be perfect.  We are all human, flawed, weak, stupid and insecure in some way regardless of the house we live in, our bank balance, our age, position or any other life circumstance.  And yes, we are all clever, smart, intuitive, influential and positive in many ways as well.  The question in life is – can we be as honest about the weaknesses as we can about the positives?


Fourth – Some people come into our lives to help us and some come for us to help them. Whether family, friends, co-workers or strangers we were put on this earth to influence, serve or help someone else or others in some way.  We were not put here to just take selfies, post photos on Facebook or expect the world to bow or cave to all of our demands or expectations. Get over it – there will always be people better off than you, smarter than you, better looking than you, richer than you, etc. (group one) and there will always be people poorer than you, uglier than you, stupider than you and worse off than you (group two). But neither group deserves the scorn, disapproval or ridicule of people on the other side because I will guarantee that there are people in group one who have done some really stupid things and there are people in group two who in some ways are like a Saint.


Fifth – And finally (yes there are others, but I know you have other things to do so I have tried to keep this short as possible) everyone on earth wants a few of the same things – happiness, security, safety, respect, and love. The problem is that far too many people - sacrifice themselves and who they are and what they believe – to achieve, gain or find these in life.  They give up their dreams to find the right life partner.  They give up their integrity to keep a job.  They keep quiet when their values, morals or ideas are challenged by others to avoid conflict.  And, they cave to the demands and expectations of certain groups or life, in general, to not be seen as a trouble-maker, change agent or even worthy of the respect that their simple humanity gives them.


You have the right to be you.  You have the right to grow.  You have the right to change.  You have the right to fail.  You have the right to succeed.  You the right to prosper.  You have the right to your opinions, beliefs, and values.  Just keep in mind that just because you have these rights does not eliminate them from my life as well.  Your right is not to diminish or ridicule my right to my circumstances, beliefs, values as long as both of us – “important” do not harm each other in any way – physically, morally or publicly.