How is where you have been imacting where you are going in life?

How is where you have been . . .

contributing to where you are going?

Tim Connor

Let me be clear at the outset – I’m not referring here to your last and next vacation.

No one knows what tomorrow will bring.  Everyone knows what yesterday brought them.  So, the real question of life is simply – how do use what yesterday offered to help us get where life wants us to be tomorrow?

There are lots of ways to consider this topic – relationships, careers, businesses, health issues, financial concerns etc.  I don’t have the time or ability to talk about each of these in a meaningful way so let me stick with a few general concepts.

-Does the past pre-determine our future?

-Can we change course after many years of charting the same direction?

-Should we even consider a new course direction later in life?

-What are the challenges if we do decide it’s time for a new direction?

-What are the benefits and finally what are the consequences?

Does the past pre-determine our future?

I don’t care if you are in your twenties or eighties - previous actions, thoughts, decisions, outcomes, beliefs, prejudices etc. all contribute to tomorrow, next week, next year and the next decade.  There is no way to prevent this.  I could go into all the psychological and spiritual reasons for this but suffice it to say – history repeats itself unless we make dramatic changes to our thought patterns, mindsets and willingness to learn and change behaviors, decision process, habits, expectations and self-accountability.

There are three areas where the past dictates - often even control our future;

The need for approval or validation from others.

Low self-esteem.

An out of control ego.

Got any of the three?  I know during my life I have often struggled with repetitive life, career, business etc. mistakes and for the life of me couldn’t figure out why.  Wrong!!  I really wasn’t ready to face up to my weaknesses for a variety of reasons.  So, you ask, what gives you the right to write this article?  Great question.  Want an answer – nothing, but I’m writing it anyway because with time and effort I am figuring this stuff out.

The future is a blank slate but it also has embedded in it some rules, rituals, beliefs, desires and fears.  When any of these dominate our behavior or actions we will tend to continue them but I’m sure you’ve heard that old phrase – “To continue doing the same stuff and expecting different outcomes is a sign of insanity”.

Does that those of us who make repetitive bad decisions or choices – are insane – well – maybe not worthy of an being in an institution but we sure could use some human training.

So - to answer the question for this subtopic – it’s yes and no and it depends.  Helpful?  Probably not – so keep reading, hopefully by the end of the article you will have figured all you need to in order to – change or stay the same or just chill out and not care.

Can we change course after many years of charting the same direction?

Life is a lot like sailing.  Years ago, I spent a lot of time in my sailboat “Rainbows End” and it (she) taught me a great deal about the past, present and future.

1)   As long as the rudder (your brain) is working you can change course at any time.

2)   As long as you have a wheel to turn (a willingness to learn, grow and or change) you can change course.

3)   As long as the sails are up (you have desire) you can change course.

4)   As long as there is wind (action/movement) you can change course.

5)   As long as you have a compass or GPS or Map (life direction) you can change course.

It doesn’t matter how old or young you are.  Your gender is not an issue.  Your race, education or upbringing are not factors.  None of these matter UNLESS you let them in some way manipulate you and/or your future.

Let me close this subtopic with two favorite quotes from some mentors during my life.  “Want to make God laugh?  Tell Him your plans.”  “We are here for a little while then we are somewhere else forever. So, decide how you want to spend them both and how they relate to each other before it’s too late.”

Should we even consider a new course direction later in life?

How does one decide if it’s time for a new life direction? And if so, what should that be? What do I need to do?  Where can I turn?  Who or what can help or guide me?  What if the new direction ends badly?  Questions and more questions.  Trust me – I’ve spent a great deal of time with these and many more but what are the answers to the most critical or demanding ones?

Is it time for a new direction?  Feeling some inner stress, anxiety or emotions pulling at your heart, stomach or mind?  Your inner voice screaming at you: “do something.”  Your spiritual inner guide or your Spirit tugging at your life trying to get your attention?  Believe me – there are always signs that it’s time for a change and usually they are masked in pain, struggle, uncertainty, regret, challenges even failure.  The key is to pay attention and listen.  I know - your pain doesn’t speak english but trust me if you will listen to your inner cravings, fears, dreams, emotions and yes, your pain - it will guide you without using language but the real question is – do you follow your instinct and heart or do you pay more attention to your brain?  Here/s the key – follow your heart in all matters and then let your mind get in step.

We will tend to only change when the pain becomes unbearable or the emotional rationales no longer make sense.  If we wait too long however, the consequences could be devastating.

What are the challenges if we do decide it’s time for a new direction?

Just because you change or start moving in another direction is no guarantee that things will improve or change quickly or easily or even at all.

Any change requires faith, patience, trust, courage, planning, action and resolve and without any one of these we can get derailed in a heartbeat.  There are hundreds if not thousands of books on these topics so let me just address three of the common challenges.

Resistance – We tend to resist that which we are either uncomfortable with or have little knowledge or information about.  To better manage resistance requires more accurate information, truth and facts about something or anything.  The problem is with change is - that we may have these about the past but there is no way to have them accurately about the future which is why so many people fail to change.

Impatience – The number one contributor (not cause) of death is stress.  The number one contributor to stress is impatience or the need for control.  I don’t care how smart you are, how wealthy you are or how old you are etc., you can never know everything or often anything about the future so the need to control it is essentially stupid, a waste of time or any other word you would like to use.  This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t plan, have goals or dream but it does mean that we shouldn’t get too attached to these.

Fear – Fear, what can I say – the single biggest issue that gets in the way of any and or all change.  Want to stay stuck – keep letting fear rule your life.

What are the benefits and finally what are the consequences?

I’m going to let you do some of the work here.  I don’t pretend to have all the answers nor do I have the right to tell you how to live your life or why.  So, it’s your turn. . .