Time
heals all things – It’s a myth.
Tim
Connor
We’ve all heard it – time heals everything – nothing is
further from the truth. Don’t believe me
– read on.
First of all - time can’t heal anything – it’s time not a
healing process, medical professional or medication. I know you probably think I’m starting off on
the side of ridiculous. Well, just trying to get your attention.
If time can heal I wish it would heal faster – my recent
hip surgery, heart bypass surgery, several years of business uncertainty, some
of the negativity of a former spouse (hope she’s not reading this) and any
number of life areas that continue to get in the way of some of my exciting
opportunities.
OK, not complaining here so let me ask you – are you still
waiting for time to heal some area of your life that you feel is taking too
long?
Healing - literally
meaning to make whole - is the process of the restoration of health from an unbalanced, diseased or damaged organism. It is also referred to in the context of the
grieving process. In psychiatry and psychology, healing is the process by which neuroses and psychoses are resolved to the degree that the client is able to
lead a normal or fulfilling existence without being overwhelmed by psychopathological phenomena.
Had enough?
So, let me ask you - when
most people say time heals all things in due time are they referring to the
above stuff or something else? I’ll bet
– something else.
Time doesn’t heal a wound
whether physical or mental – but what we do about what has happened during the
passage of time is what heals it or does not heal it. So, if you are grieving about anything it’s
not the time involved but what you do or how you handle the events,
circumstances or situations during the passage of time. And why – well, for
starters let me ask you - do some people heal faster or slower to the same loss
than others? Do some people never heal
from certain losses? The answer to both is – yes. So, again it’s not the time
but what you do or don’t do during the time.
I know, I know, I’m being redundant but some people need to hear or read
stuff (not you of course) more than once to “get it”.
So, what gets in the way
of faster healing for some people? Here
are just a few reasons; the need for control, fear, impatience, future
uncertainty, a victim mentality, poor self-esteem, cluttered mental perceptual
filters, life imbalance and a lack of being in life reality. All of these require more explanation but I’m
trying to keep this article under 1000 words – so if you are someone who fails
to heal well or quickly you might want to do some more reading. I can give you lots of resources.
The source of healing in
a person is a combination of them using their mind/thoughts and their
spirit/soul to address, manage or overcome the challenges, issues, losses etc.
that life brings sooner or later to each of us. Both are required in some way
to handle both physical and emotional healing issues and or life trials. It has been my experience over the years that
people who I have known who can’t control their thoughts and have weak
spiritual values tend not to heal well or in a timely fashion.
What can contribute to a
more effective healing process is any combination of the following actions,
behaviors, approaches or attitudes.
-Show appreciation more
often for everything in life even if you don’t think it or them deserve it.
-Pray, meditate and spend
routine time in silence.
-Live life with greater
gratitude. When you lose something - focus on what you still have rather than
what you have lost.
-Strengthen your
spiritual life – in ways that help you understand and accept life’s trials,
disappointments and losses.
-Read appropriate
Scripture.
-Develop a support system
that builds you up and doesn’t just cry with you and keep you stuck in your
loss or issues.
-Learn to accept that all
of life’s challenges whether you agree with me or not, are opportunities for
personal, career or life growth.
I could go on for pages
with suggestions but I’ll leave you with just one more – Life is not picking on
you when it drops a bomb into your life – it is not singling you out because
you need to “get it” now – no – life happens to all of us and the key to
happiness, inner peace and a life of joy is not what we are dealing with –
perceived as good or bad – but what it teaches, us, how it molds us and how it
helps us live a better life for those around us.
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