Closeness vs. Distance
Tim Connor
You can be a million
miles apart emotionally while in the same bed and as close as the next
heartbeat even though you are separated by miles or time. Have you ever
had the experience of feeling really separated or far apart from your partner
even though you were within touching distance? Have you ever felt close
to someone that you see infrequently or don’t really know that well?
How can you explain this
paradox? I have had both experiences in my life on more than one occasion
and I have tried to determine the root of this closeness and distance paradox.
I don't have a definitive answer, but I think I am getting closer to the core
of the issue.
There are several types
of closeness or distance. There is: physical, emotional, financial, sexual,
spiritual, and psychological. I have felt really close emotionally to
someone yet a million miles apart physically. I have felt a great valley
of distance between someone spiritually yet a closeness in other areas. How
about you – had the same experiences? If you are in a relationship and do not
feel close to your significant other or partner in any of the above ways I
suggest you consider the value of this relationship on your path through the
rest of your life and how to change this or what it demonstrates in the overall
picture of your relationship needs or agendas.
The real problem here is
when we are close in some ways and distant in others. For example, if you
have a greater need for more affection, emotional closeness or romance and your
significant other has a greater need for better financial security and no need
for the romance or emotional closeness, you will never bridge this gap focusing
on a totally unrelated common area in your relationship or pretending it doesn’t
exist or doesn’t really matter. You will tend to bring the unresolved
resentments, baggage, expectations, guilt etc. into the other areas of your
relationship contributing to greater distance and more dysfunction. You
may not do this consciously, but you will certainly do it unconsciously.
I am just asking you to
spend some time considering where you are close and far apart in a current
relationship and its impact on the overall relationship and each o your
relationship needs and expectations.
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