Self-control is not saying No but Yes!

We’ve all heard it – from parents, spouses, teachers, supervisors, friends and even family – “you need more self-control”.  I won’t argue this point, but I must add that self-control is a lot more than saying no to something - It is almost always saying “yes”.  Let me explain.

Self-control is a very close cousin to discipline and discipline is also just as much about saying yes as it is no.

So, you want to lose weight, better use your time, stop procrastinating, spend more wisely, exercise more, read more – whatever -  but just saying no is seldom ever enough as we all have weaknesses, challenges and a lack of commitment sooner or later depending on how serious we are about our goals, mission, destiny or just everyday living.

As a “desert lover” it isn’t always easy to just say “no to Key Lime Pie or anything else sweet but sometimes I need an extra push or better still – something I can say yes to instead of no. For example – yes to an apple or another glass of iced tea.

I believe it is generally easier to say yes to things than no. Whether it’s a request from a friend or a favor for a family member, many times we say yes when we want to say no but don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings with a no.  The same is often true for ourselves - saying yes is sometimes easier than the resistance that a no can bring.

I’m not suggesting that if you are a member AA that this will always work but think about it – how often do you say yes to a habit vs. a no?  So, why not reverse this process and find alternate things you can say yes too, to change a behavior.

Here are a couple of examples:

When you don’t feel like exercising and want to say no (an excuse) say yes to - I can do this because I want to look better, feel better or just have a sense of accomplishment.

When you want to hit the snooze button to grab an extra few minutes’ sleep, say yes instead of no – I want to get up to have some extra time to get ready.

There could be hundreds of illustrations here but the message is always the same – when you feel the need to say no – replace it with a yes.  Try it – you will be amazed.