Ever been disappointed? We all are sooner or later and
some of us more often than others and more often than necessary. What exactly
is disappointment and what are its primary contributors? But also, why do we set ourselves up for it?
Disappointment - the
feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes
or expectations. Get it – the single biggest
cause of disappointment are the expectations we want or need to happen or
feelings we have when we have been let down by others or circumstances.
Let me briefly explain the
title as I believe that expectations and their outcomes are more of a process
than an outcome.
We want something to happen –
a returned phone call, email or text response, someone to show up on time for
lunch – whatever – and we believe/feel that it should happen due to our own
needs, desires or situations and then BAM – nothing. So, we get upset, angry, hurt or yes –
disappointed. I call it the
disappointment – setup. Can it be
avoided? Yes, but there are a few conditions that must be present.
First we have to grasp the
simple concept that we are not in control of others or their actions,
responses, timing or agendas.
Second we must accept that
the world doesn’t revolve around us.
And third we must nurture
patience – not an easy task for control freaks.
When I say that
disappointment is a process it starts with us and how we turn over control of
our feelings, behavior, decisions or actions to others or circumstances. It doesn’t just happen – it builds slowly as
time passes and you wait for responses, actions, decisions or outcomes you want
from others or life in general.
I don’t care if it’s an
airline flight that is late or cancelled, the weather that messes with your
weekend plans or simply routine traffic while on the way to an important
meeting – it’s all the same – stuff happens and if this concept is not
ingrained in your consciousness I will guarantee you spend a great deal of time
in a mindset of disappointment.
The other factor is the
stress that is caused by these situations and if you are not aware of the
negative impact of this let me tell you that everything in life is a stressor –
a wedding or a divorce, winning the lotto or filing bankruptcy, getting fired
or starting a new position – everything in life is a stressor but the body
doesn’t separate negative from positive stressors – they are all the same. Stress isn’t what is happening but how you
choose to respond internally to what is happening.
Yes, disappointment is a
major contributor to stress and again its primary causes are the expectations
you bring to any and every situation or person.
What can you do to eliminate
or reduce your disappointments? Simple
folks – let go emotionally of the things you can’t control. Accept that life happens and not always
according to your agendas or needs.
I’ll share one of my life
mantras with you – “I will be excited if it happens but I won’t be disappointed
if it doesn’t.”
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