Had a door close in 2017 you didn't see coming?

Had any unexpected closed doors in 2017?

Tim Connor

We have all experienced a closed door in some area of our life at one time or another and if I were to guess, you had at least one closed this year.  If you haven’t you were either locked in your closet for 12 months or you have a magic wand that you wave in front of every closed door and it opens for you. I will also wager that you have had the opportunity to go through an open door this year but hesitated or just took a different path or decided to go through it.  Yes, I’m doing a lot guessing but having had my share of both open and closed doors in my life and I have learned a great deal about both and how to treat them.

But first what are open and closed doors and what’s their purpose in our life?

Open doors are opportunities – for; new relationships, new careers, new interests, new people in our life, new habits, new mindsets and new attitudes to etc. - just to mention a few.  What are closed doors?  Just re-read the previous examples with a twist - open doors are what we can do or choose to do or take advantage of while closed doors are things we can’t do or control, we don’t want or don’t like, we don’t think we deserve or feel are unfair again - etc.

The critical lesson life has taught me during my many years is that whether a door is open or closed is not the issue, but how I react to or handle whichever life gives me. Both are in our life to teach us.  What?  Read on.

What are some of the potential reactions or responses we can take or have to either open and closed doors?  But before I dig just a bit deeper a thought – have you ever considered that just because an open door opens in front of you that you don’t have to go through it?

We’ve all heard the line “when one door closes another one opens”. What this line fails to include is – just because it opens doesn’t mean it’s a good decision or move to go through it. Ever gone through an open door and in hindsight wish you hadn’t?  Ever not gone through an open door and in hindsight wish you had?  Well, welcome to Life 101.

OK, a bit more about closed doors – When a door closes in our life whether a personal, career or business one - there are usually lessons to be learned, signals to pay attention to that we have missed for any number of reasons or changes that need to be made in our life, career or relationships that we have avoided, procrastinated about or just stayed in denial. Doors can close for many reasons; poor timing, skill inadequacy, immaturity, denial, ego, pain avoidance, personal shortcomings, avoidance techniques, insecurity, emotional reasons or even things like guilt, regret, remorse and what I refer to as “stuckness”.

Most of the doors that close are warnings that are for any number of reasons in our life to prevent us from continuing down the wrong, destructive or time-wasting path. Let me ask you - have you ever had a door close and you went outside and cheered at the top of your lungs?  Probably not, but I’ll bet after some time, careful consideration or introspection that you said to yourself “YES” this was a good thing for whatever reason?  I have, and I know both are possible and either immediate and/or long-term awareness that this door closing was necessary to move on and if it hadn’t closed I would have continued to waste time, energy and/or resources.

I have been asked by a number of people over the years, is it God that closes or opens doors? I am not qualified to answer that question now or ever, but what I do know for sure is that there is always some kind of divine or life intervention when these confront us.  Eric Butterworth one of my former mentors called it “life adjustments that need to be made in order to stay on the right path.” I don’t know what’s around the next bend and neither do you - so we can’t possibly know all of the consequences of decisions made today and their future – short or long-term outcomes.

When a door closes we have a choice – reflect, consider, ask and even pray or we can whine, complain, blame, cry, point fingers or hide but in the end this door closed for a reason – we don’t, nor may ever know why it closed at this time or in these circumstances, but what we can do is see it in terms of who we are, what we want, where we are going, where we have been, what we need to learn, where or how we need to change or who or what we need to let out of our life.

Instead of asking – why me, why now, why this or why anything how about saying - this is here for a reason – what can I learn, what is this trying to teach me about me and not necessarily teach me about it or you?

On to open doors –  First just because a door opens for you, you don’t have to go through it.  And do you know what the biggest mistake is that most people make when dealing open doors and whether to avoid them or go through them? Think about it.  Make it personal. What did you learn or are you learning? Well, I’ll save you some time – most people only focus on the short-term benefits versus the long-term consequences of open doors.

So, when a door opens how should we react or decide.  First of all – ever had a door open before the other one closed?  In other words, in a relationship that’s not over or been ended but you met someone new you were attracted to?  How about a career or job? Ever been offered a new position while you are still in a current one?  These are common occurrences that happen to millions of people every day - plus many others that is too long of a list to include, but I’m sure you get my point.

What are our open-door options, choices or actions?

The answer to this question only has two ways you can go – go through the open door or don’t – that simple, well the choice may be simple, but the details can be really complicated.  So, what should be our benchmarks or rationales be for going through it or not?  There are many but here are just a few of what I feel are the important ones.

-Consider both the short and long-term consequences of your choice or action.  No, you can’t know them all whichever you decide, or will you ever be able to be certain about anything or everything, but you can use your history of; previous circumstances, decisions, actions, choices and outcome patterns as a way of looking at what you are facing now.

-How does it feel – to go through it or to not?  No, you should never make decisions purely on feelings, but they do matter and can contribute to better decisions. Or better still, what is your heart saying not just your mind or thoughts?

-Ask people you trust like friends, mentors, coaches’ impartial folks for their insight, input or guidance who don’t have agendas. Avoid asking parents, spouses, relatives or bosses. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask them, include them or consult with them – just that their advice could be skewed or prejudiced.

-Pray and meditate and listen to your inner guidance system.

-Don’t rush or make the decision or choice under pressure or in a hurry due to any outside source. If you are being pressured in my opinion walk away and don’t go through it. Just my take.

-Trust yourself, but also question yourself and discover motives, fears, dreams, hopes, concerns etc.   Ask yourself why am I making the decision I am?

-If appropriate do the due diligence or research.

-Don’t repeat the same decision patterns of the past that have not worked out well.

These are just for starters as you can find many more in a variety of articles about this process – just google – closed and open doors or contact me and I can recommend several books by great authors.

Let me close with two quick questions.

-Facing either a closed or open door as this year comes to an end?

-Don’t feel you deserve the closed one or not sure what to do with the open one?

Guess it’s time for some serious reflection.  Oh sure, you can put it off, but one thing I have learned, when life comes to teach you a lesson and you avoid it or refuse the learning, trust me, sooner or later there will be another chance to learn the same lesson in the future.  Maybe different people, different circumstances or different timing, but the lesson will be the same.  So, the sooner you learn the lesson the more time you save in the future learning new stuff rather than repeat lessons.

Have a super holiday season