Ever
been lost?
Tim
Connor
As you begin another new year let me ask you – have you ever
felt lost in any area of life? Feel lost
at some point last year? Don’t want to live the coming year lost? I could go on, but I know your time and
attention span is short so on to my purpose of this short article.
Years ago - without your GPS lady if you got lost you had
to stop at a local gas station or some business to ask for directions or you
just could have stayed wandering in hopes of eventually finding your way to
your destination.
I recall a few years trying to find the rental car
location at the Denver airport and driving in circles cause my phone had
died. Missed the flight and spent a lot
of extra time at the airport. Ever had a
similar experience - and not necessarily at an airport?
What exactly does it mean to
be lost? For help I turned to the dictionary – misplaced, vanished, missing,
mislaid, no longer possessed or retained, lost friends,
no longer to be found – finally – having gone astray or
missed the way, bewildered as to place, direction etc.
So, let me ask you where in life can we
be lost? Here are a few – wrong career –
lost? Bad or poor relationship – lost? Bad or poor personal habits – lost? Financial
mistakes, too much debt or bad spending habits – lost? Confusion about what
really matters in life – lost? Yes, there are many others but let me ask you –
ever felt lost in any of these areas? I
know I have and I’m not ashamed to admit it - cause - till I did I was unable
to find my way out of lostness (yes, I know that’s not a word).
Being lost in any area of life can
waste time, energy, resources and life in general. Ever stayed in the wrong job to long?
Guilty! The wrong relationship too long?
Guilty! So, Tim where are you going with this?
OK, there are five things we need to consider when it comes to being
lost; where are we lost, why are we lost, are we lost because of ourselves or
others, have we been lost in this same area in the past and how do we get
un-lost?
where are we lost – Lost is more an
emotional than physical issue. Generally
speaking your GPS lady is not going to help you get out of a bad relationship
or job. The best way to determine if you
are lost is to consider the following; if you are feeling a lot of - stress,
confusion, anxiety, frustration, a lot of negative or invalidating self-talk,
resentment, disappointment, unmet expectations, you are most likely lost –
maybe not super lost but lost nonetheless. Doesn’t matter whether it’s a
relationship, business, career or any other area – it’s most likely a time for
– a change, letting go, surrender, new growth, acceptance, an ending, a new
beginning or at the least some quiet introspection time.
why are we lost – well, a few taken
from the above pretty much sums this one up. We are lost because; we feel
stuck, feel obligated, are afraid we can’t handle change, don’t like
uncertainty, are in blame mode, feel abandoned or just lonely - any or all of
these and many others can contribute to lost feelings or actually being lost.
are we lost because of ourselves or
others – there is little in life we can control, in fact the only thing we can
control is ourselves – our decisions, choices, attitudes, mindsets, feelings
etc. You would be amazed, maybe not, how
many people believe they can control – the weather, the traffic, other people,
consequences and just about everything.
Got news for you – no can do – no matter how hard you try or how much
you feel you should be able to control everything. So, if you are a control
freak I’m guessing you are lost a lot and why? Because you are placing your
destiny, legacy, happiness, health etc. in the hands of others or circumstances
that you will never be able to control. So being lost is ultimately a decision
we make due to any number of uncontrollable factors.
have we been lost in this same area in
the past – This one is simple – if you have ever been lost a second or third
time in the same life area – guess what?
Right, you didn’t learn what life wanted you to learn during the
previous lostness so it’s giving you another chance. And guess what? If you don’t learn it this time it will keep
giving you more opportunities to learn it until you finally do. Boy, I am so guilty of this one that I hate
to admit it in public.
how do we get un-lost – well there’s a
book here but I’ll keep it short. In no particular order of importance;
-spend more time in honest
self-examination and introspection.
-create an honest support group (3-10)
of people who you can bring real issues to and they will be honest with you no
matter what. Never rely on just one person because no matter how smart they are
you will only get their opinion and trust me – one is never enough.
-Have a couple of coaches – never just
one and make sure they have experience in the areas where you want or need
guidance.
-Learn to accept the truth and not your
version of it.
-Change your mindsets about change,
uncertainty or new beginnings. See them
as positive, necessary and valuable.
-Get outside of your own ego-driven
attitudes, paradigms and comfort levels.
-Admit failure, mistakes, poor choices
and/or decisions.
-Don’t get stuck in other’s realities –
stay focused on what is really happening or going on and not what others want
you to see or believe.
As an author, I could go on for pages with this stuff, but
let’s wrap it up with one key point.
Sooner or later in the adventure we call life - all of us are going to
feel lost, get lost or be lost in some area of life. If you live life to the fullest you can’t
avoid mistakes, bad decisions or choices, failure etc. “lostness” but what you
can do is learn from it or them, so you don’t keep getting lost again and again
in the same life area. There yet???
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