Learning vs. unlearning – which will speed your journey to success and happiness?

Learning vs. unlearning –

which will speed your journey to success and happiness?

Tim Connor

I’m guessing that to achieve greater success and or happiness you believe you need to learn more. But how about unlearning – stuff that may be getting in your way.  

That’s what the experts on finding success and happiness finally tend to admit that to unlearn is often a better approach that gaining new knowledge.  Now please keep in mind that I’m not referring here to education, professional skills or necessary talent in specific disciplines like – medicine, technology or transportation etc. I am referring to some basic and fundamental mental attitudes, traits, mindsets and philosophies that could be holding you back.  Let me explain.

From our first day of birth the mind started taking in information – lots of information - some valuable and necessary, but a lot that can over time inhibit our self-esteem, personal growth, maturity, behavior and decision making.

Let me give you a common example.

Let’s say that as you were growing up your parents sent you a message that you just were not good enough in some way.  Now, maybe their intent was not to permanently damage you but they still passed on a message of insecurity, unworthiness or some other negative self-worth message.  Well the way the mind works, that message became a permanent part of your brain/mind physiology and has had varying degrees of impact on your life as it progressed.

Now you are in your 30’s or 50’s and guess what – that message is still there and in some way may be affecting your thoughts and or actions and yet you are a totally new and different person.

Do you think learning to unlearn this mindset might benefit you in some way?  Well, yes. But, the problem is that it often takes more energy, purpose, discipline and effort to unlearn something than to learn something new. And why?

Not wanting to give you a long lesson here in your mental makeup and how it impacts your life let me just say that everything you have heard, thought, said and learned is stored in your over 300 billion brain cells just waiting to resurface when an internal or external trigger brings it into your now moments.  The only way to change this behavior or mental process is to unlearn but the problem is – you can’t unlearn – I know that sounds contradictory to this entire message.  Again, let me briefly explain.

It's called the law of displacement or overriding.  It’s easy to override or replace a software program – just hit a few keys but with your brain you have to create what are called new neural pathways or ways of thinking.  This is accomplished by learning to replace existing thought patterns with new ones – not an easy or quick path which is why so many people struggle with old emotional and mental baggage that causes pain, fear, disappointment, impatience, regret, anger and any other negative emotional response to certain circumstances or people.

So what can you do? Here are a few suggestions.

1)    Spend less time with people who reinforce or validate the thoughts you need/want to eliminate.

2)    Spend some thoughtful time in paying attention – present awareness – observing your thoughts and thought patterns.

3)    Start a thought journal and write down common thoughts that you tend to repeat and start asking – why – where did they come from – are they helping or hurting me?

4)    Start exposing yourself to more people and information (books, seminars, courses etc.) that represent who you want to be and how.

5)    Stop making excuses for behavior or actions or decisions that are contrary to how you want to behave.

6)    Give someone in your life you respect and trust permission to hold you accountable telling them how you want them to aid you.  For example, if you tend to be negative or pessimistic give them permission to point out every time you act this way and without getting defensive.

Well these should get you started but a word of caution – if you are not serious about change – unlearning – you will tend to quit or feel it is too hard or taking too long.  It is both – it won’t be easy and it won’t happen fast.