Everyone is normal - - yeah - right

Everyone is normal - - yeah - right

Tim Connor

What is normal anyway? And regardless of how you define normal are you normal?  Your friends? Relatives? Customers? Employees? I have often asked myself this question while in front of several hundred people speaking for a few hours?  Do they think I am normal?  Do they thing that they are the only normal person in the room?  Again, I guess it depends on how we choose to define normal.

Normal definition - physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy, conforming to the usual standard, type, or custom.  This doesn’t help me at all, don’t know about you.  But you gotta love dictionary definitions.

Normal – someone who is not abnormal  (just kidding here).

When we think about people and how normal they are or whether they are normal in any way what characteristics come to mind?

Do they agree with us?

Do they have the same likes, dislikes, prejudices, attitudes and opinions as we do?

Do they always behave according to the rules, standards or mores?

Are they always nice and never lose their temper, get impatient, hold grudges etc?

Are they always on time, are thoughtful, good listeners and respectful?

I could go on for pages with this stuff and sooner or later, if I did, I’ll guarantee that not anyone would measure up. So another question, regardless of how we define normal, if someone isn’t normal is that bad?

The more I write the more complicated this gets. So all I can do is use myself as an example.  Am I normal? Where do I begin. 

Do I have flaws?  Yes.

Do I do stupid things? Yes.

Have I made a lot of mistakes during my life? Yes.

Have I failed often? Yes.

Do I need to learn more about something? Yes.

Do I always behave appropriately? No.

Could I be a better person in some (many) ways?  Yes.

Do I get along with some people better than others?  Yes.

Do some people not like me? Yes.

Could I be more understanding, compassionate, generous, etc?  Yes.

Well, if I’m normal, God help us all.

However – “Those of you without sin, cast the first stone”.

Before you start judging me or anyone, why not ask yourself some of the same questions or more if you have the will.  But, I’ll guarantee in the end if your answers are not always the best, that this doesn’t make you a bad person or abnormal.  So in the end, what are the criteria we use when we define someone as not normal?

And I’m not talking here about evil people, sociopaths, barbarians, murderers or anyone whose agenda it is to hurt others.  What I’m referring to are everyday people who just are different than us in some way.  And again, I’m not talking here about gender, race, nationality, religion or age, just everyday people who have different opinions, values, beliefs, agendas, experience, goals, mindsets or desires than someone else.

Could we say everyone is normal? Or, is everyone abnormal?  Is normal good or bad?  Is abnormal good or bad?

Again how we define good or bad can vary from person to person.  So I can think you are normal but someone else you could think differently about you.  Who is right? Again how we define right or wrong, again can vary between people depending on a variety of factors.

My guess is you will never meet or find anyone who is a carbon copy of you in every way and I’m not talking here about twins. Everyone is unique and different in so many ways – our experience, our upbringing, our values, our expectations, our opinions, our mindsets and our goals, purpose and what we are searching for in life. Since this is true, our definition of normal will tend to mirror our personal insights, prejudices, needs and definitions of good or bad and right or wrong.

Think for a moment about someone you don’t like or get along with.  Are they a bad person? Probably not, they are just different than you are in some ways.  For example I don’t like loud people.  This doesn’t make them bad it just means I don’t want to have to be around them.  I don’t like self-absorbed people.  This doesn’t mean some of my friends or acquaintances don’t have this characteristic.  I can learn to tolerate their behavior or walk away.  You can do the same.  Judging others is nothing more than affirming that if someone is not like you in some way they are bad, wrong etc.

I’ll close with two questions – are you normal?  Does everyone you know think you are normal?

“Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple, and the simple thing is the right thing.” 

Oscar Wilde