The Blame Game

The blame game

Tim Connor

Ever blamed someone for something? Every blamed an organization or circumstance for something?  If you haven’t you may want to consider a therapy group or some serious self-introspection.

Blame - to consider somebody to be responsible for something wrong or unfortunate that has happened.  My definition – failing to take responsibility for results or outcomes that you feel you don’t deserve or want.

Where does blame originate and why do people blame? Well, it’s complicated, but let me see if I can simplify it.

Where does blame originate?

Sooner or later we all fall victim to blame whether something insignificant or something major, but the source is always the same – insecurity, a need for control, low self-esteem or just out of touch with life’s reality.

Blame is a mindset and the source of all mindsets is the beliefs and values that a person has developed during life.  Many of our beliefs started very early in life while others developed over the years as we tested our beliefs against current situations, circumstances or the people who crossed our life path.

These influences, regardless of their source, have caused us to develop approaches to life that reinforce our beliefs so that we can feel comfortable with our actions or behaviors regardless of their current or future impact on our success, happiness of contentment. No one likes inner conflict.  We want to resolve our internal mental challenges quickly and hopefully successfully, but often when we attempt to accomplish these we fail to realize or accept the simple fact that we are responsible for many of our life circumstances.

It is unfortunate however, that when we fail to take responsibility for our own actions, behavior and decisions we often fail to learn the necessary lessons that are important to grasp and prevent us from repeat similar occurrences in the future.

Early in life I tried using blame as a strategy, but thankfully I learned to no longer use this approach before this mindset was entrenched in my beliefs and therefore was able to start looking in the mirror rather than pointing my finger.

As I have said in many previous articles, our beliefs are responsible for all of our reactions to life and therefore the majority of our circumstances.  If you find yourself in a blame mode ask yourself a simple question – what do you hope to gain by this behavior?  Your answer will tell you a great deal about the why, when and how you use blame as a response to disappointment, challenges, problems and even failure.

Why do people blame?

Blaming is pointing their finger at others or just staying in denial when it comes to consequences. 

In a way we believe blame relieves us of the responsibility for our mistakes, failures, poor decisions and inappropriate behavior. This philosophy however tends to keep us stuck in the past and repeating the same mistakes over and over again and experiencing repeated pain, suffering, regret or even despair or discouragement.

So, what’s the answer?

It’s both easy and hard.  Start taking responsibility for everything in your life where you have control and have contributed to results or outcomes because of your attitudes, thoughts, values, beliefs and self-esteem.  There is no other way to grow past this life approach especially if you have people in your life who continue to enable you and your blame behavior.  Start surrounding yourself with people who hold you accountable, yes in a respectful way, but still not allowing you to reach out to find scapegoats, excuses and rationales that permit you remain trapped.

“Do not blame anybody for your mistakes or failures.”

Baruch