Walk Don't Run

Walk Don’t Run

Tim Connor

If you are over fifty years old I’m sure you are familiar with that old song, Walk Don’t Run.  If not, no problem just keep reading.

Far too many people are rushing through life and heading nowhere.  Whether it’s behind the wheel, rushing through meetings or the lack of patience when it comes to life’s everyday circumstances.

If you are a walker and not a jogger you get it – It’s not where you are headed, but the value of getting exercise as well as enjoying the trip.  No disrespect intended to joggers - it’s just that when we are only focused on or concerned about the destination we often lose the value of the present moments and all they have to offer.

I am not really concerned here whether you walk or jog, but how are you going through life – walking or running.

Let me give you an example that you might relate to.

I’m reminded of one of my all time favorite songs, Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin.  Again if you are under fifty you might not be aware of these poignant lyrics.  Every time I listen to the words tears flood my eyes as memories of long ago come rushing back into my mind.

We are each given a certain number of days to live and no one knows how many they will get so in the end all we can do is live each of them to the best of our ability.  This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy our memories or have plans and goals for the future, but in the end memories are just that - something that happened in the past that we can’t relive or re-experience and there are no guarantees that our future plans will ever be realized.

Walking simply means slowing down your pace regardless of the activity; a family vacation, the pursuit of an education or new career or in my case writing this article.  To rush things (this article in particular) would tend to reduce its value or meaning for you (that could be your interpretation no matter how long or how quickly I write it).  But over the years I have learned that often a slower pace improves the outcomes or the results as I bring more contemplation and patience to the process whether writing a new book or just a short article.

Why do we run rather than walk through life?  Is it the desire for more, better, shorter or some other emotional or intellectual reasons?

Why do we sacrifice the blessings of our now moments hoping that in the end if we run rather than walk we will get to experience more?

The answers could be and most likely are complicated and will depend on each person’s lifestyle, age, circumstances and goals, but in the end losing the joy of our present moments no matter what we are doing – working, playing, relaxing or even praying is a sacrifice we will one day regret.

Let’s look back on the time that hs passed already during this year regardless of number of days or weeks that have passed.

Did you miss spending quality time with a loved one?

Did you lose focus on an important task due to your “rush” mindset?

Do you have any regrets at all – minor or major?

When you think about yesterday (or yesterdays) do you smile or feel stress, disappointment or sadness?

Have you spent the right amount of time on your plans or goals of the future?

Do you wish your days were longer or didn’t pass so quickly?

I could go on and on with these, but I’ll leave you with one;

When you evaluate or contemplate your life to date are you satisfied and content or is something missing? Or, are you running rather than walking through life?

“Patience and diligence, like faith, remove mountains.”

W. Penn

The wave effect in relationships

The wave effect in relationships

Tim Connor

No one lives in a bubble. There’s an old staying that says “What happens behind closed doors in relationships stays behind closed doors.”  Well, I beg to differ.

Let me explain.  We all have a variety of relationships; children, spouses, friends, in laws, co workers and a variety of other acquaintances.  When we have conflicts in any of these, the impact of them is felt directly or indirectly in other relationships – some selective and some universal.

All actions and decisions have consequences – some we can control to some degree while others have serious ripple effects – some long term and often immediate or what I am referring here to as the - ‘wave effect’ in relationships.

Think of a wave in the ocean. Once it begins in continues until it or its impact or momentum hits the shore.  But, think for a moment – do you think a single wave is an isolated circumstance or does it have some impact on other surface water either behind it or in front of it?

As a sailor over the years (in small sailboats) I had to learn that not only did I have to study and pay close attention to wind direction and force but I also had to keep a close eye on water movement and force.

If my 36’ sailboat while sailing the open waters was in the wake of a huge freighter or cruise ship - even though it was miles from me, the impact of the waves it created did influence my stability and often speed and direction.

The same is true in life and its actions, decisions and behaviors.

Let’s say you are leaving the house on the way to work and you have an argument or serious negative discussion with a spouse or one of your kids.  Do you really think this won’t in some way have an impact on your attitudes, behavior and responses to work situations?  It doesn’t matter - the situation or the intensity of the words shared before leaving home – they will impact you for a few hours or even a few days and often depending on the nature of the discussion – even years.

Now here’s the real issue when it comes to the wave effect.  Your behavior with your fellow employees or even your customers will be influenced in some way – minor or major.  Take it another step.  Do you think because of your behavior at work that this might have some lingering impact on your continuing relationships with these people?  Yes, it will.

OK, while you are at work you chat with a friend or a relative - again there can be sometimes a subtle and often a major demonstration of your current state of mind in this conversation that will send a message to the other person that will cause them to ask you a simple question – “what’s wrong?”  Or “What’s going on?” Etc.  Your response will typically be, “Nothing” but, the atmosphere during this conversation will have changed slightly and their comment “what’s wrong” will cause you to bring the situation at home back to the surface in your mind. This can be felt by the other person due to your tone, voice volume, hesitancy, pauses or some other verbal or non-verbal expression.

No matter what you think, feel or how you act or decide sooner or later all of this will affect others in your life either directly or indirectly.  You can’t hide who you are - oh - we all try on numerous occasions, but our fears, emotions or beliefs and attitudes will find their way to the surface and impact others in some way.

Here’s the key to ensuring that the wave effect doesn’t have a negative impact on your relationships – you can’t stop it anymore than you can stop a wave.  Yes, you can slightly or temporarily change a wave’s direction, but sooner or later the wave will follow its natural course. And, the same is true of your actions, thoughts and behaviors – you can try and change or influence their impact on others but you can’t control other’s interpretations, emotions, feelings or reactions due to the impact of what is going on inside of you.

Let me leave you with two questions – How is the wave effect impacting those in your life either positively or negatively?  Are you aware of how your fears, attitudes, dreams, thoughts, feelings etc are impacting these people?

“Little happens in a relationship until individuals

learn to trust each other.”

David Johnson

Leadership is not a title or position But . . .

Leadership is NOT a title or position BUT . . .

Tim Connor

According to a number of sources there are over 350 definitions of leadership.  Before I begin - I want to make it clear that leadership is not a position but a mindset.  The receptionist can have a leadership mindset about his or her roles and responsibilities or they can just wait to be told what to do and when and how.  The president can have a leadership mindset or stay in a reactionary mode waiting for things to change or get better.  Leadership is about leading not waiting.  Yes, leadership can have management responsibilities, but real leadership is about a personal vision to excel regardless of roles or responsibilities. Here are a few things to consider when it comes to leading as a function of your position – whatever it is;

Purpose – The purpose of any organization is to serve others.  Yes, if it’s a corporation or business it needs to be profitable, but if in the end it doesn’t effectively serve its members, customers or partners it will eventually fail.  The purpose of every employee is to; in some way contribute to this ultimate and higher purpose.  If employees put the agendas or motives of their department or themselves above this higher purpose they are doing the organization and the people or organizations it serves a disservice.

Responsibility – You are responsible to people not for them. This simple concept applies to all relationships – customers, employees, friends and family.  Essentially it means that you are responsible to offer or give – kindness, understanding, compassion, love, friendship, support, direction, guidance etc., however you are not responsible for what people do, how they react or their decisions or behavior.  In a leadership role, again regardless of your position or title, you are responsible for bringing your opinions, suggestions, guidance etc. to the other person, but it is their responsibility to either use or accept these or not.  You are not responsible for the actions, behaviors or attitudes of others or the consequences of these.

Cooperation – A cooperative mindset does not mean that you should forfeit your values, beliefs or philosophy, keeping in mind that yours are not better or worse than someone else’s (they are just different) just to create an environment of cooperation, however it does imply that you are willing and open to change or the acceptance of new or different ideas or approaches.  Conflict generally occurs when people are stuck in their views or opinions with the irrational belief that they are right and others are wrong.  

Connection – Humanity is about relationships.  I have previously written about the pitfalls of overuse of technology in other Boosters so I won’t belabor that point again.  But, keep in mind that when a human connection is not established and maintained that is grounded in mutual goals, desires, needs and understanding eventually they will fail to meet the expectations of one or all of the participants leading to conflict, disappointment and often failure. When employees in an organization fail to maintain positive connections with the people they work closely with or even people that they are only involved with periodically results will tend to suffer.

Vision – Life is about vision – for oneself, a relationship, a higher purpose or an organization.  If people fail to see beyond their present challenges, circumstances, successes or even failures they will tend to remain stuck in mindsets that will limit what can me manifested and developed in the future.  The role of every employee is to bring vision to their roles and responsibilities from the Janitor to the CEO.

Compassion – No one is immune in life to troubles, adversity, challenges or failure.  Sooner or later we must all face the realities of life with all its successes, achievements and yes disappointments and frustrations.  Whether you are the President or the Mail Clerk you have or will have to deal with different circumstances that you don’t like or even wish would not enter your life.  What everyone needs during times of adversity or challenge is a caring attitude from others whether people they work with side by side every day or only interact with from time to time.  I’m not suggesting that we should all air our dirty linen and personal situations with others, but from time to time just a listening ear would go a long way when someone is in pain or struggle.

Integrity – Words are words and actions are actions.  The question in every relationship is always “Can I trust your words?”  One of the major issues when it comes to integrity, regardless of the relationship is trust and truth.  If either or both are missing in any relationship sooner or later someone is going to be set up.  If employees for whatever reason are unable or unwilling to always come from a position of truth and/or trust (not necessarily their opinion or interpretation of an event or circumstance) sooner or later an employee, customer or member will be misled, disappointed or at a minimum frustrated. It is the responsibility of every employee to always come from a position of truth no matter how it might be perceived or heard from people either higher or lower on the food chain.

Communication – Communication is the common denominator that connects all humans regardless of their connections, length or the purpose or parameters of their relationship.  Communication is not about sharing information, but in sharing understanding.  When we believe that effective communication is when you have given all of the facts or details that another person needs, we are kidding ourselves when it comes to the purpose of real communication. Communication is a complicated issue when it comes to human behavior as there are so many factors that contribute to the integrity of shared messages or information, but in the end it is a two way process.  If only one person in an exchange ‘gets it’ then communication has not taken place.

Yes, there are many others, but if you practice these in a timely, effective, consistent and appropriate way, you will be amazed at the results you can achieve when it comes to the relationship between you and your roles and your relationships with others.

If your organization is dealing with current or future potential leadership challenges, give me a call and we can discuss how I can tailor a presentation that will help you address these in a proactive and effective way.

“Do not wait for leaders, do it alone, person by person. “

Mother Teresa

Successful selling - isn’t telling - but asking

Successful selling - isn’t telling - but asking

Tim Connor

Why is it that few salespeople get it?  That effective selling isn’t about spewing out a plethora of information, personal opinions and prejudices and telling people what they need to buy and why and when and even how - from beginning to end.

People buy for their own personal reasons.  The role of effective selling is not to tell people what to buy or even get them to buy; it is simply to make the buying process easy and painless for the prospect.

Everyone has agendas.  Everyone wants something better.  Everyone wants life to be easy and void of pain, struggle and stress.  Buying, no matter what the economy, product or prospect’s personal situation is a challenging process especially today with the influence of technology.

Prospects often come to the table with more knowledge about the product or

service they are considering than the salespeople who are supposed to be the experts.  Add to this that every organization has competition and wants the business and you have a recipe for frustration, confusion and even a common but unnecessary stall on the part of the buyer.

The critical skill for enduring sales success is the ability to get information before you give information.  This at first might seem an easy task, but if it is so easy why do so few salespeople follow this template?  Simple.  They think that what people want is information.  Yes they want information but only that information that is relevant to their needs, fears, concerns or desires.  That’s it.

The average salesperson covers from 10-15 features during a typical presentation.  How many of these do you think the average person remembers 24 hours later?  Well, I’ve done the research and the number is ONE.  Which one?  The one that was most important to them.  Yes, you may have to cover other important points but if you don’t address the one of interest to the prospect you’ll get a no sale 99 percent of the time.

I could go on for pages about this critical skill but let me leave you with 3 simple questions.  Are you giving information before you get it?  Are you moving into your sales message or presentation too quickly before you have adequate information about the prospect?  Are your questions (if you are asking them) tailored to each prospect and their circumstances, needs or concerns?