Have you written your Obituaty yet?

Have you written your Obituary yet?

Tim Connor

I know the title might sound morbid – but give me three minutes before you decide to move on to your next task.  I am going to keep this short and to the point.

Life here is temporary regardless of your financial position, fame, age, reputation, gender, and education – plus many others - so the question is when you leave here and some person is appointed to read your obituary will it be something they wrote, a total stranger wrote, a loved one wrote or you wrote?

Let me explain.

If someone else, regardless of their relationship to you, writes and reads it - it will be their take on your life regardless of the number of years you had or how long they knew you and your accomplishments or who you really were and why.

So, let’s say a sibling writes it - would it be different than if a spouse or one of your kids wrote it?  How about if a close friend was chosen to fulfill the task – what would they say?  How about a business partner, boss or even a long-term loyal client or customer – and they would say . . .

The question really is – how do you want to be remembered regardless of who writes or reads it?  Do you want to be remembered by your status, personality, successes, attitudes or some other trait or action that you shared with the world while you were here?  Keep in mind we are asking someone to summarize your many years and activities, relationships and deeds into a 200-300-word document that may end up in the local newspaper for a day or on the internet for a week and then – POOF – over!

So, let me ask you – let’s assume the reading will be this week (again not trying to be morbid, just trying to keep your attention). And it doesn’t matter who reads it because you are the one that wrote it and left it for someone to share with whoever was present at your special event.

What does it say?  Is it short or long?  Is it positive or negative? Is it honest or is there a lot of stuff that’s not really true? Is it complimentary or sarcastic? Is it memorable or will people forget who you are before their next meal that day?

Tough questions?  Sad questions? Real questions? It’s up to you and not because of what you wrote but because that is how you lived that contributed to what you were able to write.

So, let me ask you five really tough questions –

1   

What is the central theme of the document?

Who do you want to read it and why them?

Do you want them to stay on script or adlib?

What impact do you want it to have on the recipients?

And finally, when people hear it do you want them to; laugh, cry, smile, leave the room halfway through it (just thought I would throw that one in for laughs) or stand and clap and scream - Halleluiah. . .

No one knows when their special day will happen.  No one knows what tomorrow will look like, and no one knows how or where their journey ends and what they will leave behind.  What we do know is how we choose to live each day and how we want to touch those around us and how our actions, attitudes, decisions, and behaviors touch the lives of people we know.  We can hope we will be remembered with respect, compassion, love, and smiles but we won’t really ever know for sure.

So, I’ll leave you with one of my life “mantras” – touch the lives you touch each day in a way that when you walk away or hit the end call button that the person you have spent time with – whether a minute or the entire day or your entire life – when asked about you will smile and say – “they were a special part of my life and I liked life and me more when I was with them”.

Are you where you want to be in your life?

Are you - where you want to be in your life?

Tim Connor

Are you where you want to be in life – financially, health-wise, relationships or your career?  

Silly question?  I don’t think so.  I’ve asked myself this question dozens of times during my life and I have to admit more often than not the answer to one of the life areas was – no.

In life, you can only be one of three places (I’m being general here) – where you were or have been, where you are now and where you will be in the future.  I know this might at first seem a bit confusing but think about it – for example - where are you now – in your car, your office your kitchen or backyard – these are the simple questions. Where do you want to be tomorrow (in life) the hard questions?  To have this approach work for you in a constructive way - keep the broader topics in mind generally and don’t get into the weeds about every single life area – just consider the bigger picture of your life. 

For example in the future - you want to be with someone or with someone different, you want to be working somewhere else or retired, you want to be better off financially or you want to rid yourself of this current negative health condition that is plaguing you now – yes there are hundred’s more questions like these – I used these to keep the process but not necessarily the results – simple.

So, here’s the challenge. You will ultimately be tomorrow where today is taking you - so if you want to be somewhere different in the future, you have to take the action to get there - today.  

Fail to take it and tomorrow you will be in the same place you are now – and again to be clear - I’m not talking here about whether you are in your car or in the kitchen, I’m confident if you are still reading you have figured out the subtleties I am trying to share here.

So, where do you want to be that’s a different place tomorrow?  Go ahead take a minute and jot down a few items like – better or different; job, relationship, where you live, what you drive, who your friends are, how healthy you are, your financial condition- go ahead – write them down – as many as you can (I’m not talking here about setting goals, creating dreams or making plans) - trust me you can’t get there if you are not clear about where “there” is. And why – well if you don’t know what you want them to be tomorrow - do you think the chances are that things will change or be different tomorrow than they are today? Dumb question – I know!

I will guarantee that everyone wants something better, new or different tomorrow in some area of their life – to be younger, to be with different people, to be healthier, to be living someplace new, to look better, to be happier, to be ___________, etc. Whether it’s a small difference or a major one is not the issue – what is the issue – is your willingness to either let go of the wish, goal, plan or desire – essentially give up or settle - OR to take the necessary moves or steps or make the necessary changes today to get there or to start to make it happen.

Why do people wish for something better or different and then do nothing to get there?  Why do they settle?  Why do they give up or in? Why do they quit? I could go on for hours or pages but how about just three (yes there are many more) quick reasons; 1) The fear of the unknown future – will it really be better or different or should I just stay where I am? Can I control the future? What if it doesn’t turn out the way I hoped? 2)The fear of rejection or failure – what if I try and don’t succeed?  What if I go for it and people laugh at me for doing so at this stage or time in my life? 3)The fear of success.  What if I do go for it and get it or achieve it and it doesn’t live up to my expectations or needs? What if my life changes in a way I didn’t anticipate?

Here’s the major problem that you are facing if you have any of these three fears – you are tending to define your future by your past or present; experiences, attitudes, outcomes, choices, etc.  In other words, you have always struggled financially so why expect that the future will be any different.  You have always been disappointed in relationships so why should you anticipate that the future will be better or different? Everyone, you know in your age group, gender, race, religion, etc. has never done what you want to do?  So, why try. Got it – with these mindsets you are letting the decisions or choices of others or your past rule your ultimate future.

No one knows what is around the next corner regardless of whether you are broke or a millionaire, stupid or the smartest person in the room, healthy or really sick, beautiful or handsome or ugly as sin, etc. No one knows how actions, choices, decisions or anything will always be or turn out tomorrow.  It’s all about desire, faith, courage, passion, effort, and acceptance and yes – resilience, self-trust, patience, and hope.  If you don’t have these – stay stuck.  If you have them - go for it.

Are you where you want to be in life?

Are you - where you want to be in life?

Tim Connor

Are you where you want to be in life – financially, health-wise, relationships or your career?  Silly question?  I don’t think so.  I’ve asked myself this question dozens of times during my life and I have to admit more often than not the answer to one of the life areas was – no.

In life, you can only be one of three places (I’m being general here) – where you were or have been, where you are now and where you will be in the future.  I know this might at first seem a bit confusing but think about it – for example - where are you now – in your car, your office your kitchen or backyard – the simple answers. Where do you want to be tomorrow – the hard answers – because here’s where it can get a bit tricky.  But, keep this question in mind generally - don’t get into the weeds about every single life area – just consider the bigger picture of your life.  For example in the future - you want to be with someone or someone different, you want to be working somewhere else or retired, you want to be better off financially or you want to rid yourself of this current negative health condition that is plaguing you now – yes there are hundred’s more questions like these – I used these to keep the process but not necessarily the results – simple.

Here’s the challenge. You will ultimately be where today takes you - so if you want to be somewhere different tomorrow you have to take the action to get there - today.  Fail to take it and tomorrow you will be in the same place you are now – and again to be clear - I’m not talking here about whether you are in your car or the kitchen, I’m confident if you are still reading you have figured out the subtleties I am trying to share.

So, where do you want to be that’s a different place tomorrow?  Go ahead take a minute and jot down a few items like – better or different; job, relationship, where you live, what you drive, who your friends are, how healthy you are, your financial condition- go ahead – write them down – as many as you can - trust me you can’t get there if you are not clear about where “there” is. And why – well if you don’t know what they are what do you think the chances are they things will change or be different tomorrow than they are today?

I will guarantee that everyone wants something better, new or different tomorrow in some area of their life – to be younger, to be with different people, to be living someplace new, etc. 

Whether it’s a small difference or a major one is not the issue – what is the issue – is your willingness to either let go of the wish, goal, plan or desire – essentially give up or settle - OR to take the necessary moves or steps today to get there or to start to make it happen.

Why do people wish for something better or different and then do nothing to get there?  Why do they settle?  Why do they give up or in? Why do they quit? I could go on for hours or pages but how about just three (yes there are many more) quick reasons; 1) The fear of the unknown future – will it really be better or different or should I just stay where I am? Can I control the future? What if it doesn’t turn out the way I hoped? 2)The fear of rejection or failure – what if I try and don’t succeed?  What if I go for it and people laugh at me for doing so at this stage or time in my life? 3)The fear of success.  What if I do go for it and get it or achieve it and it doesn’t live up to my expectations or needs?

Here’s the major problem that you are facing if you have any of these three fears – you are tending to define your future by your past or present; experiences, attitudes, outcomes, choices, etc.  In other words, you have always struggled financially so why expect that the future will be any different.  You have always been disappointed in relationships so why should you anticipate that the future will be better or different? Everyone, you know in your age group, gender, race, religion, etc. has never done what you want to do?  Got it – with these mindsets you are letting the decisions or choices of others or your past rule your ultimate future.

No one knows what is around the next corner whether you are broke or a millionaire, stupid or the smartest person in the room, healthy or really sick, beautiful or handsome or ugly as sin, etc. No one knows how actions, choices, decisions or anything will be or turn out tomorrow.  It’s all about desire, faith, courage, passion, effort, and acceptance and yes – resilience, self-trust, patience, and hope.  If you don’t have these – stay stuck.  If you have them - go for it.