Everything in life is a choice . . .

Everything in life is a choice.

Tim Connor

Made any decisions today? Had to make some difficult choices today?  Come on . . . we all make dozens of choices and decisions every day (X) 365 days so - that’s thousands of choices every year.  Do they all matter? Are they all insignificant? Are they all life-changing or life-threatening? And just a few more quick questions – why do we make them, what are the contributors, what are some of the consequences, would we like some do-overs if we could have them? 

Oh, so many tough yet often seemingly insignificant life questions.  Ever spent time, I mean a lot of time, considering or re-evaluating previous decisions or choices?  Ever spent too much time choosing, wondering or even stuck on what you should or shouldn’t do and why or why not?  Ever wish you had?

OK, Tim, enough with the questions – what’s your point?

Finally, I have your attention.

Everything in life is a choice.  Yes, some outcomes or circumstances are the results of indirect choices while others the consequence of direct ones.  What’s the difference – keep reading I’ll explain.

There are three elements to all choices regardless of whether it’s what you are ordering for lunch at your favorite restaurant or who you should marry, or should you take this job offer or not, etc.  Every day we make a lot of choices some conscious and most without conscious awareness.

Here are the three elements – First) Rating the decision or choice in terms of pressure, timeliness, needed action or is procrastination and is waiting acceptable. Second) Do I have other options or am I stuck with just this one choice? Third) Do I know either the short- or long-term consequences or outcomes if and when I make a certain choice?

Yes, there are many more things to consider when choosing, but generally, these three are the critical ones that need and yes deserve adequate attention and consideration.  Now consider for a moment the unconscious or what I refer to as automatic choices.  These are often simple things that happen all day every day. How you get dressed, what you wear, how you drive to work, how you greet strangers, having another cigarette or glass of wine, checking your emails a hundred times a day, etc.  These just happen and you generally don’t think about them – you just do them or make them.

But, the bigger ones like – should I call that client back or send them an email, should I bring up this difficult topic with my boss or let it go, should I take what someone said personally or just disregard it. Should I discuss this with my spouse now or wait for a better time.  Yes, there are so many more of these as well.

OK, consider for a minute - that the majority of choices are automatic (unconscious) and as time progresses more and more everyday choices get tossed into that “auto” batch holder so that you don’t have to spend as much time in conscious awareness as you live each day.  When you get there my friends, trust me, it is a very dangerous place to be in life.  When you make too many choices in “auto-pilot” sooner or later you are going to regret many of the choices, actions or decisions.

Just as a thought – if a large percentage of cars and trucks on the road are being driven by computers and not people – do you think at some point this could be a problem?  I even heard there is an airline considering “pilotless” planes – don’t know about you, but I would never get on one. 

So, back to my point, how about a few specifics regarding the choices we make.  Keep in mind you might disagree with my premises or items included – it’s OK.

Direct choices – These are outcomes that are directly related to your choices, behaviors, decisions and/or actions.

Indirect choices – These are outcomes that are the result of a combination of your actions, choices, decision, etc. that are caused by nature, life or others.

Loneliness is a choice.  Failure is a choice.  Happiness is a choice.  Success is a choice.  Guilt is a choice.  Resentment is a choice. Being late is a choice. Being overweight is a choice. Being out of shape is a choice. Anger is a choice.  I know, I know – you might believe that some of these might not always be a choice you can make but due to a consequence, situation or person that you couldn’t control – well – yes, no and maybe so let’s consider it.

Let’s just take three – loneliness, failure, guilt. . .

Loneliness – Loneliness tends to be a negative circumstance in someone's life and is generally a consequence – yes of many factors. Then there is aloneness – this is a choice to be alone.  Then there is solitude - this is a choice to be alone where you want to use the time for growth, learning, etc.  The last two are positive choices and the first one is usually a negative one.  Whether due to separation (direct or indirect choice – either a choice made by you, your spouse or mutually), the death of a loved one (indirect choice – you had no control over their passing), divorce or some other loss loneliness is perceived as a loss of control over life circumstances where aloneness and solitude are decisions to take control of life in some way.  But regardless – all are choices.

Failure – Many believe that failure is the outcome due to circumstances that were beyond their control like a recession, hurricane or maybe even a robbery or the death of someone who was an important part of a business enterprise (indirect choices – you chose to live there, work there, prepare poorly for future negative economic circumstances). An important thing to consider when it comes to this topic is your definition of failure.  Is it negative or positive?  Is it necessary for success or something that holds you back?  I’m not going to write a book about this topic now as I already have but am just asking you to consider – do you see failure as a required step in the life learning process or a roadblock that prevents success? Failure just doesn’t happen, like success, it’s always the result of something else.  

What - you ask?  Well, having failed many times during my life I will tell you that failure is just like any other life circumstance; problem, opportunity, challenge, etc. what matters is not what is happening but why and how you respond to what is happening.  So. you decided to take a new position or start a new career, buy a new home, start a new business – whatever . . . and it didn’t work out the way you planned, hoped or dreamed. Was it something you did or didn’t do that caused the failure?  I have no clue but if you hadn’t taken the action in the first place - never bought the home or stated the business – would you have failed?  If you never got married would you never have gotten divorced?  See where I’m going with this?  All outcomes are the result of all actions or lack of them i.e. choices (direct or indirect).  Decided to smoke for thirty years and got cancer (direct). . . never exercised and ended up with heart problems in your fifties (direct)!  A fire destroyed your business and caused you to give it up (direct – you chose the location, the insurance or lack of it, etc. (indirect – the fire was caused by someone or something else). These examples are endless and the bottom line in every failure sooner or later is a choice – let me be clear – the choice was not to fail but the failure was an outcome of the choice to act or not act.

Guilt, regret, jealousy or remorse (direct or indirect depending on any number of circumstances) – OK one more. Ever felt any of these emotions? What caused them – your actions or the actions, behavior or decisions of someone else?  Doesn’t matter.  You have a choice to feel them, experience them, and have them occupy your mind for hours, days or even years or you can choose to let them go, get over them – whatever.  One of my life mantras is simply – “I am not going to let the behavior of others determine my behavior. I am not letting you control me.”  In other words, do and say what you want – it’s your right but I also have the right to either ignore them, respond to them or let you have control over me and how I choose to react to them. Again – the choice in mine and not because you gave it to me but because life gave it to me.

That’s if folks – so I’ll close with two simple questions – are the choices that you are making today “on auto-pilot” or are you considering, thinking about or evaluating some aspect of them before you choose?

Are you aware of both the direct and indirect contributors to the outcomes in any area of life you are currently experiencing?