Do you talk too much?

Do you talk too much?

Tim Connor

I have been accused on more than one occasion of talking too much.  One of the key points I make in some of my sales seminars is that most salespeople talk too much.  During my management coaching and consulting I have observed that most managers talk too much.  And I can assure you that too many parents talk too much.

If this is true why do many people feel the need to fill every waking moment with the sound of their own voice?  I have studied my own behavior over the years and I can tell you that this tendency does not endear people to you or tend to have them want to be in your presence any more than necessary.  I know I don’t like being around people who feel the incessant need to wow me with their insight, opinions, knowledge, experience or general life trivia.

Do you think you talk too much?

Do you know people who talk too much?

You can’t necessarily always equate talking too much with poor listening skills or ability but generally you will find that they go together with many people.

A long-time friend of mine and peer recently conducted an informal study and came up with the following common reasons why salespeople people tend to talk too much.  I decided to do a little research on my own and broaden the subject to everyone and not just salespeople. Why not see if any of these apply to you or those that you know, are related to, work with or are in a relationship with.  People talk too much because they:

- long for acceptance or approval.

- are control freaks.

- have low self-esteem.

- get anxious, insecure or impatient

- like the sound of their own voice.

- think they are smarter or more experienced than other people.

- are self-absorbed.

- are frustrated.

- feel more important when they are doing the talking.

- are very opinionated.

- have very high opinions of themselves.

- need to release tension or stress.

- are confused.

- want to avoid coming across as ignorant.

- feel very strongly about a topic

- believe their way is right or the only way.

- want to be understood.

- are abstract vs. sequential thinkers.

- are High C’s or expressive personalities.

- can’t be wrong.

- equate talking with power.

- are manipulative personalities.

- feel that older age equals more knowledge, wisdom or insight.

- feel more productive when they are talking.

- talk to figure out how they feel or what they believe.

- want to show their competence.

- are over educated and have an above average vocabulary and try to impress people.

- can’t handle silence.

- believe they already know what the other person is thinking or how they feel.

- are always in a hurry.

- are out of control extroverts.

- like being the center of attention.

- lack patience with other people’s slower verbal pace.

- have an out of control ego.

- feel people really want to know or hear all of their stuff.

A long list I know, but I wanted to be sure I covered most of the reasons.  Are there any that you feel are not included?

Which ones might apply to you?

There are three fundamental concepts I teach in all of my seminars regardless of the topic:

- Get information before you give it.

- The person who asks the questions controls the conversation, the person who

   talks the most dominates it.

- You learn nothing when you are talking, but you can learn a great deal when you

   are listening.

Are you guilty of talking too much and as a result spend too little time listening and learning?

“Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly.”

Plutarch