Feeling stressed?

Feeling Stressed?

Tim Connor

Let me be clear from the onset – every activity (other than sitting on the beach reading your favorite novel) causes stress.  Yes, everything. Winning the lotto, playing with your favorite pet, a wedding, a divorce, hiking your favorite trail, taking dance lessons, losing a job, starting a new one etc. etc. In essence there are good and bad stressors, but in the end they all have the same impact on your health and mental circumstances. And why? Because the mind doesn’t judge – it treats all stressors the same – as stress.

What is stress – it is what is happening outside of you – circumstances, situations, people you meet, what you are doing etc. and how you interpret what is happening and how you choose to respond internally to these.  In other words - stress is your inside-out reactions and responses to outside-in circumstances, people and events.

Now that we have this out of the way let’s discuss three areas – why and how is everything a stressor, what is the impact of poorly managed stress, what can we do to better control our stressors so they don’t kill us.

- Why and how is everything a stressor . . .

The mind is a sponge – it takes in everything – the stuff you want (the good stuff) and the stuff you don’t want – bad stuff (yes there are some people who have learned how to filter out the bad stuff but sooner or later some of this junk gets into everyone’s mind – like it or not.

What’s the bad stuff? Negative emotions and feelings caused by others, invalidating statements by many and just disappointment due to unrealized or hoped for expectations or desires. Why is this bad stuff?  It really isn’t bad stuff, it’s just stuff, what makes it bad is our interpretation of it and reaction to it.

So you are thinking, “I just lost my job, my relationship is in a shambles and I have a serious health challenge - how is this just stuff?  Come on – get real here.”

I don’t have the time or energy to give you all of the research, evidence and reasons to support my theory - so here’s just one.

You lost a job, yes but I’ll bet a new door will open (if you will let it) that can be even a better job.  Does this always happen? Of course not, but it can if you will let it and bring the right mindset to what is happening now.

You can choose to stay stuck in ‘victimhood’ or blame or any other negative attitude or you can learn, grow and move on with dignity, responsibility, courage and faith as a result of this situation.  Here’s the problem – if you choose to stay stuck in the negatives you will tend to increase your stressors over time and the outcome as I have previously said can be life threatening.  Life happens.  Period.  We do the best we can with what it gives us or we can complain, whine or point our finger everywhere except at ourselves.  Simple choice. 

So to answer the question - everything that comes at us is a potential stressor – a bad driver behind us, a poor waiter or waitress, bad weather on your day off – I could go on for pages with this stuff but I’m sure you have better things to do (potential stressors waiting in the wings).

- What is the impact of poorly managed stress. . .

Let me just give you a simple list here;

- Poor health

- More worry

- Increased fear of the future

- Negative impact on all relationships

- Less productivity

- Wasted time

- Poorer or less open and honest communication

- Greater chance of an auto accident

- Increased medical costs

- More anxiety and frustration

- Less financial security

Not a pretty picture, I know but – it is what it is.  Under stress not everyone faces the same outcomes – some people develop negative health issues while others may just ruin a relationship but the outcome is the same – things get worse rather than better.

- What can we do to better control our stressors . . .

I’m sure you are running out of time or patience so I’ll leave you with a list.

-      Eat more healthy foods.

-      Exercise at least 20 minutes a day 3 X per week.

-      Laugh more.

-      Have more fun.

-      Better manage your relationships with toxic or negative people.

-      Spend more time with optimistic positive people.

-      Let go of old emotional baggage.

-      Don’t let other people’s garbage become yours.

-      Get more sleep.

-      Work on your patience.

-      Control what you can and let go of what you can’t control.

-      Don’t focus on the negatives in life.

-      Stay focused on what’s really important.

-      Use visualization, affirmations or meditation.  And yes, prayer.

-      Better manage your expectations.

-      Stay in the present moment.

-      Use psychological anchors.  Not sure what these are? Check my article Archives.

-      The world doesn’t revolve around you.  Get over it.

-      And finally – Life is very short and passes by quickly so feel gratitude every day for all of the gifts God and Life gives you.

“In times of stress be bold and valiant.”

Horace