Rock the Boat

Rock the boat

Tim Connor

You don’t have to be a sailor or even like the water to get my analogy here, I just love the concept.

One of the major contributors to organizations not achieving their full growth and profit agendas is simply because many employees just continue to go along with policies, procedures, products and services that have lost their relevance in today’s world or for some reason they are no longer working. Having been an employee for several years prior to launching my speaking career years ago I can tell you there were times when I wanted to scream at management “you just don’t get it”, but I held back for fear of losing my job while I was raising three kids.

So from the beginning I get it – play it safe and as long as you don’t rock the boat your career or position is safe.  Well, maybe yes and maybe no!

If an organization and I don’t care what type; a corporation, small business, association, government agency, church or school system is out of touch with reality sooner or later they will fail if you don’t take appropriate corrective action.  This doesn’t always have to come from senior management staff.  During my career having worked with hundreds of organizations around the globe I can tell you that more often than not there is more wisdom at the lower levels of the organization than at the top.  Yes, there are exceptions but the question is – is your organization’s future in jeopardy because it is causing employees to keep quiet when they have better or more creative ideas or solutions or just better common sense when it comes to organizational performance and effectiveness?

If you are an employee reading this I am confident you are nodding – right-on – and if you are in senior management - if you are dismissing the rest of this article it may be because you are in denial and unwilling to face the simple fact that your management style or corporate culture may be counterproductive and directly or indirectly contributing to your current circumstances that are in some way contributing to the lack of growth or profitability.

Rock the boat – can have many meanings or applications and I would like to share just a few of the ways to do this, but I caution you – there may be times you might want to hold off depending on your particular circumstances and/or relationships.  One of my favorite phrases that in many ways have been a guiding principle of my career (that sometimes worked and other times contributed to some increased career challenges) is – sometimes it’s better to apologize than ask permission.

Rock the boat simply means (from my perspective) deciding to go against conventional wisdom from time to time.  Think about it – almost all discoveries or inventions were by people who refused to accept conventional wisdom – they didn’t just think outside the box – they kept using new boxes – they did not let what was believed based on previous knowledge or circumstances – prevent their trying something new, better, creative, unique or different.

Look at some of the most successful companies today, those that have endured for many years – I’ll wager that most of them had employees or a management philosophy that says – create, invent, question, challenge, be unique, be different, don’t settle etc. I don’t have to mention any of these organizations, you know who they are, but the question remains – is your management style or your behavior as an employee consistent with a rock the boat strategy or do you always play it safe protecting your image, career, personality, other’s opinions of you or how you are perceived by people you work with or for?

As a speaker and trainer I always ask my clients and audiences to consider the consequences of settling and failing to risk the disapproval of others by always playing it safe.  As an author many of my books ask my readers to ask themselves very probing and thought provoking questions that may seem uncomfortable, but in the end are necessary if we want to grow and manage our lives in a successful way.

Do you rock the boat?

Do you have the courage, confidence and self-esteem to bring real issues that your supervisor, board, fellow employees, suppliers, customers or your organization in general faces to the surface or out in the open?

Or, do you keep them hidden inside hoping things will just move along smoothly, get better with time or just miraculously disappear?

“Wise men talk because they have something to say;

fools talk because they have to say something.”

Plato

 

The most dangerous word

The most dangerous word

Tim Connor

What’s the most dangerous word in the English language?  Care to guess? OK, I’ll give a few clues; everyone uses it from once a day to several times, it contributes to disappointment, stress and it’s harmful for relationships and careers, it’s a cause of distraction and a lack of focus, it negatively impacts success and happiness.  Got a clue yet? One more clue – when people use it they seldom consider its consequences.  There yet?

The word is – tomorrow. Surprised? Disagree? Don’t care? Well whatever your response - let me explain.

Tomorrow can mean within the next 24 hours depending on the current time or beyond that considering what motive a person has when they use it.

Rather than pick the word apart let me dig into the rationales, attitudes, interpretations or application of the meaning of the word that impact life.

It’s clear that when we use the word “tomorrow’ this implies that we will delay actions or decisions until some point in the future (and not always tomorrow). In many ways it’s wise to take time to consider, evaluate or postpone some of life’s actions until we have stewed on them or done more research or evaluations, but unfortunately many people use this approach for everything that they feel will cause some current pain or difficulty when doing it now. I am not talking here about procrastination as this is an entirely different topic, but the inability to do now what in the long run will create better outcomes than waiting for things to change, evolve or get better from our perspective.

A couple of quick questions –

Why do we wait –

There are numerous reasons why we put things off till tomorrow but the most frequent ones are; fear associated with our inability to know or control the future, the excuse that we have too much to do today, the hope that whatever needs attention will suddenly disappear or get better if we don’t act, the lack of confidence that if we act now things will turn out the way we desire and laziness – we just don’t care.  None of these are valid reasons or rationales for failure to take action.

Yes, as I have said there are times when we need to chill, wait and contemplate, but I’m not referring to major life, career or relationship issues when I talk about doing – whatever tomorrow.  I am only suggesting that many of the simple, routine or normal tasks that we face each day deserve our attention and action when they show up.

I’ll give you a quick example that I recently dealt with.

One day last year I had a client who hired me to do a two day custom in-house training session for their management team.  I sent an invoice and waited over 30 days prior to considering what I should do (as all of my invoices are always paid within 10-15 days).  I sent the client several emails regarding preprogram requests and the status of my invoice.  I had no responses. As the time was closely approaching for me to travel to the engagement on the west coast I pondered what should I do.  Call the client in a week or so as not to appear desperate or call today. 

I decided to call today and the client said they never received the invoice or emails. Was it technology or an excuse – don’t really know but they told me they would get a check in the mail that day.  My point – I wasted a great deal of time wondering, considering, evaluating is this program cancelled, but they just hadn’t told me – time that could have been better spent and ultimately the worry was useless as what I was fearing never happened.  Been there?  Did you wait or just take action?

What are the pitfalls of waiting –

As I said above waiting can waste time, increase stress, add to the disappointment of not knowing, impact other actions or decisions that you are currently considering as well as a direct or indirect impact on your relationships.

I am not by any means suggesting that whenever things don’t go your way should pull the trigger immediately as some things require time to distill but the question is – which things deserve or require action and which ones will be better served by waiting?  These are situation by situation considerations but ask yourself – how do you determine this distinction?

What are the benefits of not waiting -

I think I have already covered this in the previous segment but let me add that while waiting some things will resolve themselves and some things needing more consideration time will produce better, more creative or favorable outcomes.

“If you are not ready today you will be even less so tomorrow.”

Ovid

Wake Up and Pay Attention -before it's too late

Wake Up and Pay Attention

Tim Connor

In one of my favorite books, Wake-Up Calls by Eric Allenbaugh - he discusses a simple yet vital life aspect and that is simply paying attention to each of the lessons life is trying to teach us moment by moment and day by day so we can avoid the larger negative consequences that can occur later when and if we ignore these often subtle and little details and messages.

What is a wake-up call (as Eric explains) and how can we learn from them?

Our outside an inside world constantly send us signals – some are subtle while others can be like a 2X4 across our forehead but in the end their purpose is the same – to teach us lessons, to get us to pay attention or to alert our awareness about things that need to change in some way.

A wake up call can be anything from – a driver cutting you off on the high way to a pain in your lower back.  These signs in the early stages, where something in your life needs to change, can be annoying at best but in the end if we fail to pay attention to the small or little signals and fail to learn, grow or make the changes necessary – trust me – the signals will just keep on coming – and as time passes depending on the issue or challenge – these signs will tend to increase in frequency or their impact – from a lower back pain once in a while to persistent back pain.

Life wants us to be happy, successful and live with joy or peace and if we fail to achieve these it’s usually because some change needs to take place in our life or lifestyle.

I’m sure you know someone who seems to be on a relentless path to self-destruction - I know a few people like this.  At one time in my life I too was headed down the wrong path and life kept nudging me little by little.  One of these nudging led me to Eric’s book in a small bookstore in the mountains of North Carolina.

I was just browsing through the store as I do a lot and something kept telling me to bend down and look at the bottom shelf.  When I did I saw dozens of books but my sight was drawn to his book.  I picked it up, browsed through it and then put it back on the shelf.  But something inside me said to buy it and I did.  Ever had a similar situation and I don’t necessarily mean in a bookstore?

I’ll bet you have had many of these subtle signals – maybe to let something go, change something, go somewhere etc.  When you followed these urgings (and who knows where they come from) something in your life improved, changed for the better or something negative was let go of.

These happen to each of us multiple times each day.  Are they divine messages or something else?  I don’t know for sure but what I do know is that when I honor them things seem to work out and when I don’t well, the signals just keep coming and depending on the issue – a relationship, a career, a health challenge or a financial circumstance they increase in severity – basically telling me – pay attention or at some point in the future we WILL get your attention with a major catastrophe, disappointment or sever life situation.

Another of my favorite authors Eric Butterworth says it like this, “God’s law of adjustment regulates all of the affairs of my life.  All things are in divine order, now and always.”

Why do we ignore these little nudging as they show up in our life?

In a book I just finished, and I have added it to my recommended reading list is by Singer – The Untethered Soul, he goes into great detail, but with an easy to follow approach how our thinking determines what we pay attention to and what we don’t and why.

Let me briefly summarize the major reasons why we ignore these early signals – to our peril I might add if you skipped the previous section.

Ego – I am better than my circumstances.  I know it all.  I know what is best for me in my life. I am the smartest person in the room. I don’t need other people’s guidance, feedback, suggestions etc. I will do what I want when I want and how I want – period.  Know anyone like this?

Fear – If I change something - the unknowns in the future scare me.  What if I can’t handle them?  What if they don’t work out for me? Fear of other’s rejection.  What if the other person doesn’t like the way I dress, talk, drive, eat etc.  I need to be approved by everyone.  Know anyone like this?

Busyness – I don’t have time for this.  I have too much on my plate.  What I am doing is far more important than dealing with this distraction now.  I have so much to do – this can wait till tomorrow.  OK, know anyone like this?

Arrogance – I can handle this.  I don’t need to change or improve.  I am as good as I need to be.  It’s everyone else who needs to wake up. Who needs help anyway, surely not me?  OK I’ll stop asking the closing question – I’m sure you get the strategy by now.

Stress – When under stress or what can be called ‘panic mode’ we all do stupid things and make bad decisions as we want whatever is causing the stress in our life to just disappear. But, as a result of these stress related actions and decisions we just tend to make things even worse.

Impatience – The number one contributor to stress, disappointment and anxiety is a lack of patience.  Doesn’t matter whether it’s a traffic jam or the actions or lack of action by a friend, client, customer or loved one the outcome is the same.  Impatience says – I need and want to have control of everything and I need and want it now.  Believe me this is not a way to solve your issue with impatience.  Sooner or later we are all disappointed by something or someone.  Deal with it.

How can we tune in to these signals and have complete awareness of them?

There are many steps we can take but here are ten of them.

-Stay present – Life is now – not tomorrow or yesterday.  We can’t change the past and we can’t control the future so spending time in either place is wasted time.

-Let go – Surrendering to things that no longer matter but maintain an emotional control over us is stupid.  Be willing to admit and face and let go of stuff that wastes valuable present moments.

-Stop – If you don’t stop now and then and just listen – to life – to God – to your body – your feelings – you will never hear or be aware of the messages that are constantly being sent to you.

-Honor – Be willing to follow your inner guidance system’s messages.  They are there non-stop but you must be willing to honor and follow them if you want to avoid the path of self-destruction.

-Trust – We must learn to trust that which we have no power to control.  This isn’t always an easy task but one that will pay huge dividends in your life.

-Accept what is – It is what it is.  And it is what it is due to our previous actions, decisions, choices and behavior.  Yes, stuff happens but if we continue to resist and fight reality we will only bring ourselves more disappointment.

-Relax – Spend time doing nothing and I mean nothing. Maybe a walk in the woods, a time of thoughtless meditation or prayer.

-Turn off your negative mind – The mind thinks 60/24/7, it never stops.  And what it focuses on is either manifesting what we fear or what we love. If you want to turn off the negative influence of negative thoughts you must learn to focus and concentrate on the positives no matter what is going on in your life.

-Show appreciation – The best way to stay out of fear mindsets and pay attention to what is (and what you can’t control), is by learning to be aware of all of the times, circumstances and people who deserve a simple – thank you. Appreciation comes from a love (not romantic love) of self- life, others and just each moment you are given.

-Be willing to change – Change is constant.  We can either change for the better or we can change for the worse. Guess which one will best serve your life and future.  Change isn’t easy but we do it all day every day.  The key is to pay attention to the inner urgings that are trying to get you to change something and then guess what?  Change them.

“We create our fate every day we live.” 

Henry Miller