Every day you are another day closer to . . .

Every day you are another day closer to . . .

Tim Connor

. . . closer to what? Well, think about it - closer to your last day.  I'm not being morbid here, believe me, but I'm asking you to consider - do you know how much time you have left? If not sure how to answer this - I'll do it for you - No One does!  

And yet it's amazing how many people act as if they have forever by squandering days, weeks and even years with no purpose, passion, joy or a sense of adventure and gratitude for the time they are given.

Retire if you will.  Quit if you must.  Give up if you are tired of fighting. Surrender if you feel like life is over. Had enough? OK - Settle if you feel you don't deserve better. Stop trying if you are tired of losing. Cave into others if you are over being criticized, invalidated or belittled. Trust me I can go on with this babble if you want but personally - it's hard to even write this stuff sometimes.

Life is very short and fragile folks.  If you had told me when I was in my twenties that I would be this old now I would have laughed until I cried.  No way. Well, trust me I'll bet some of you might feel the same way.

Why do we wait, postpone, give up, stop trying or just feel like enough is enough and it's time to just let - 'whatever will be will be' - rule our final or closing years however many we feel we might have?

Is it just life wearing us down?  Pride? Our definition of what our final chapter should be like? Or, could it be something more that we haven't taken the time to identify or consider?

During my life regretfully having wasted a lot of days, weeks and even a few years on a few occasions in my career, in a few relationships and life in general, I am in no position to preach, but I do have the right to share what I have learned during my many years.  So here goes.

A great deal of the quality of life is determined by how we define and respond to; adversity, failure, opportunities, success, problems, disappointment, rejection, achievements, and so many other life experiences.

But in the end, we have a choice - let them define us or define them according to our life philosophy, purpose or mission.

We are all going to leave here with either; stuff in our "in-basket" and/or unfinished business, words not said and relationships that needed something done or undone before they ended.  The only way to avoid any or all of these life mistakes is to be "perfect" and trust me none of us are or ever will be - no matter how egotistical, psycho, narcissistic or arrogant some folks "don't think" they are.

So, life's nagging questions of us for everyone sooner or later are always - why aren't you____________?  When are you going to stop____________? When are you going to start__________?  What are you waiting for? When are you going to fix__________? Got a few of your own?  Now might be a good time to ask them.

Life flies by faster than we can possibly imagine and the opportunities we missed or passed up, the things we didn't say or do just keep piling up faster and faster.

Hundreds of people every day are told - you only have so much time to live.  Know anyone like that?  Is it you?  Known someone who had to deal with this? The truth is that each of us is told this every day, oh, not by Physicians or counselors but by life. And the final question I will leave you with is - are you listening?

It’s becoming a very different world and a not so good in

It’s becoming a very different world and a not so good in many ways!

Tim Connor

As I reflect on where we seem to be today as a society versus just a few short years ago I have to wonder – will we as a world and society in the US like where we end up in a few years if we keep heading in this crazy, dubious and out of control direction?

Just consider a few of the simple things like – common courtesies, basic manners, caring more about others than yourself, the ability to share your thoughts and ideas freely without concern for retribution or backlash, the ability to dress, yes respectably, but freely.  The ability to travel without fear.  The lack of selfie-oriented behaviors.  The ability to challenge people who are misrepresenting the truth that is evident to everyone but the person talking.  The ability to freely express your spiritual values or beliefs without getting thrown out of school, work or the local pub. Need I go on?

And then there are the family areas where you used to spend time together sharing and talking, guiding and helping and listening.   And now, “Alexa” telling you what to do, how to do it and when plus letting a device with batteries and a screen rule your every waking minute.

I could go on for pages but I’ll keep this to three simple areas of concern that I believe everyone should have at the forefront of their minds and agendas before it’s too late and we are too far down the wrong path as a society with no chance of ever getting back some sanity, common sense, dignity, and civility.

For those of you who have ever read one of my many books or articles, you are well aware that I am not a negative or pessimistic person but do my best at all times and in all situations to deal just in my take on current reality.  The basic problem is that everyone sees and often defines reality differently depending on their own experience, education, values, expectations, and beliefs.

Yes, there are many more areas to be concerned about that I feel are critical but I believe the three I am mentioning are interwoven into all of the others; such as; freedom, security, financial issues, global issues and many more but I’m sure you have a lot on your plate so I’ll just deal briefly with the three. Please keep in mind – I am not dealing here with politics, race, religion, ethnicity, age or lifestyle - so if you choose to read that into my message – you have indirectly proven what I have implied by much of this article.

Here are the three primary areas I mentioned.

 1)The freedom to speak your mind, thoughts, values, beliefs, opinions and yes in a respectful and compassionate way without the concern of someone who may disagree with you slamming you on social media, even physically or in some other public or private way.

2) The gradual erosion of uniqueness, to be able to be you regardless of the world's opinion of you.

3) The loss of spiritual and religious freedom to worship without having to have the police guarding your church, synagogue, temple or mosque or the public mocking of people demonstrating loudly outside while you are trying to worship inside.

Think I’m wrong about the direction of these and other areas of dramatic social change ahead?  Then wake up. 

1)The freedom to speak your mind, thoughts, values, beliefs, opinions.

Let me be clear - I am not; anti-technology or any government, most laws, or against any legal movement by any group, but I am anti anything that takes away our freedom to be who we are, to be who we can become in the future and say what we believe or feel as long as we respect the rights and freedoms of others. When we change or shut ourselves down with the concern for disapproval or rejection of others for what we do or say – let me repeat – with respect and compassion - we lose our freedom to be, our independence and the right to be and grow.

In many ways, this trend of editing behavior and speech is negatively impacting simple lifestyles, common sense, everyday courtesy, and simple manners.  I actually said thank you to someone last week for a simple thing they did and then they spent the next two minutes bashing me verbally to mind my own business – and all because of a simple thank you!

2)The gradual erosion of uniqueness, to be able to be you regardless of the world's opinion of you.

Yes, folks, there are males and females on the earth regardless of how you want to define gender.  Yes, I am free to wear shorts in the middle of winter and yes, I don’t have to agree with old guys getting earrings, young women plastering their body with Tattoos and kids living off their parents in their 30’s – and so many more.  You have a right to be you and I have a right not to like who you are or what you do but I don’t have the right to stop you from doing it.  Get it?  We both are unique in so many ways and if I let you or society rob me of my uniqueness than what’s the point of living?

Yes, many politicians, government employees, and people, in general, have some really far out beliefs, opinions, and attitudes and I’m ok with that because I have a mute button on my remote or I can walk away from a conversation and I can always unfriend you.  But I don’t have the right – as a boss, parent (once my kids hit 18), spouse or stranger to tell you what you can believe, do or feel.

3)The loss of spiritual and religious freedom to worship without having to have the police guarding your church, synagogue, temple or mosque or the public mocking or demonstrating loudly outside while you are trying to worship inside.

Over the years due to any number of rules, challenges by certain groups and a variety of other social pressures – spiritual values, behaviors, and attitudes have gradually left the classroom, college campuses, government agencies and any number of communities at large.

I’m neither supporting or arguing against these practices just asking you to consider – is there a trend here with the purpose subtle or overt to rid us of the ability to worship, pray or even often care about others in our society whether neighbors, fellow employees or just fellow citizens. Look, folks, If I want to say Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays – that’s my right and don’t try and make me feel guilty or belittle me because I do it.  You don’t have to say it, and I won’t care what you say or how you refer to it – it’s your right too.

My concern here is, in general, that we as a society and country are giving in too easily or quickly to the pressures from often minority groups or even just a few individuals to change us.

If you are offended because I wear a T-shirt with a cross on – “get over it.” If you don’t like Christmas trees in your community – move to another community.  If you don’t like our basic and fundamental rights where you live - yes, move to another country.

Your Life's report card

Your life’s report card

Tim Connor

Remember when you were in high school or even elementary school you used to get a report card every few months?  If you behaved, did your homework and studied, you might have received a B or even an A.

But if you slacked off in some or every way you most likely had to explain to your parents why you got a D or even an F.

Basically, your grade was your teacher’s opinion or rating of how they felt you were doing with your responsibilities, actions, and behaviors.

Think you are still getting report cards today when you are in your 30’s or even your 60’s? Oh, the teachers have most likely retired or have moved on to new classes and different students but trust me, life is still giving you a report card- every day, every month and yes, every year.

It might not be a piece of paper with a bunch of letters or numbers on it but believe me, you are still getting reviews on how the people in your life believe you are doing?

And who are these people?  They are your; customers, bosses, spouses, kids, fellow employees and often even some of the strangers that pass through your life like; flight attendants, restaurant servers, mechanics or your physicians.

No, they all don’t give you a written report, but they do evaluate – who you are, how you act, what you believe and even how you may treat them.

So, If I still have you, what kinds of grades do you think you are getting from; a spouse (not referring here to counselling sessions) , your boss (and I’m not talking about your annual reviews), your kids (and I’m not talking about the grades they are getting in school or on the soccer field), your customers (and I’m not talking about how much money you might be making from them) or your family physician (and I’m not talking about your annual physical or check-up)?

Unfortunately, most people (and I’m including myself in this group) wait until they are failing at something or something just stops working before they make changes, attempt improvement, modify behavior or just admit that what they are doing is or will some day give them an F.

Let me give you an updated grading system that is a bit more relevant to life than the report cards you used to get.  I call it My Life as it is Report card.

You are getting an A -

Notice I didn’t include an A+ in this group? It’s simple – none of us are perfect, we all have flaws, we all make mistakes and sooner or later we all fail at something.  An A means you are exceeding life’s expectations.  You are learning, growing, maturing and recognizing life areas where you need further improvement.  Your ego isn’t running your life. Your arrogance is under control and your patience is not demanding you do something or everything faster, better and/or easier. Your need for control is under control.  Your stress is not killing you. And your spiritual life is ruled by humility, peace, giving and compassion. Yes, there are a few more items that are contributing to your – A - grade but in the end, the ones above are the primary factors that are saying to you - you are on the right path, keep going. But, be careful you don’t lose the above items, or the consequences could be dramatic.

You are getting a B –

Take all of the above-mentioned items and just reduce the definition, for example.

You are learning, growing, maturing and recognizing life areas where you need further improvement, but you are not doing as much as you could or need to do.  Your ego isn’t running your life, but it has its moments depending on the person or situation. Your arrogance is not a serious issue, but it could be. Your lack of patience is often demonstrated by your hurrying or need to do something faster, better and/or easier. Your need for control is not under control.  Your stress is not killing you yet but is having a negative impact on some area of your health, relationships or life in general. And your spiritual needs more time, attention, effort and/or better awareness.

You are getting a C –

A C means you are average in all of the above areas.  You are not in serious trouble anywhere yet, but you are also not moving in the right or best life direction.  If you don’t make some changes soon – you could very quickly find yourself in the D or even F categories.  It’s time to wake up and recognize that life isn’t easy, fast, accommodating or revolves around your needs, expectations or desires. It’s time to grow up and it’s time to let go of your “the world owes me” and/or your “selfie mindsets”. This is a life crossroads where you can change direction in a positive or a more negative way and destructive way.  You can begin to move into B territory and start getting better, stronger, wiser or healthier or you can wake up one day and realize you are failing, and it could be too late to change.

You are getting a D –

A D means you are heading towards disaster and time is running out.  Make some changes soon or before you know it life will give you an F.  And believe me an F can be costly, uncomfortable, painful and even deadly.  A D says you still have some time to fix some things, but life is gradually losing its patience with you.  It says, “I guess the only way we can get your attention at this time is with some kind of jolt, disaster or circumstance (a divorce, a bankruptcy, a heath attack or getting fired).”  Don’t wait too long – the pain of turning a life around at this stage can cause many people to stop trying or just give up entirely in life accepting the consequences of the next and final grade – an F.

You are getting an F –

An F means – you have failed and will spend a lot of time and your remaining life; alone, afraid, in regret, angry, resentful etc.  It is now time to pay the price of all of your mistakes, failures and poor choices and behaviors.  Can you recover?  Of course. Can you rebound?  Yes.  Can you begin again? Always.  Can you get a second chance? Yes.  But at this stage, it will require a great deal of; humility, effort, surrender, admission, time, patience, hope and help and guidance from others.  And, it will require accepting letting go of control of what life brings to you and the willingness to trust God during your return to sanity.

So, give yourself a grade today in; your finances, your marriage, your career, your business, your health, your social life, your relationships, your family and your spiritual direction and its beliefs, values, and actions.

Stop pandering, pampering and coddling certain employee groups - it's stupid.

Stop pandering, pampering and coddling certain employee groups – it’s Stupid.

Tim Connor

Let me say from the outset – I will guarantee many people who read this article will disagree with my premises, but here’s the problem – just because I wrote it doesn’t make it true and just because you may disagree with it doesn’t make it false. Now that we have that out of the way. Let me also mention that trends over the years have always ended and been replaced with different, newer or more timely ones as the future was unveiled – so consider that this trend of letting the needs, concerns or wants of a current group of people (or employees) dictate the overall strategy of how we should manage our organization may not be the best strategy for the long term – as one group moves into the next phase of life they will be replaced with yet another group who may have different needs, wants or lifestyle. 

The basic question I am asking here is simply – what or who do you want to drive your business – a current group of employees and their mindsets or the overall business goals and strategies you have spent a great deal of time, energy and resources developing?  So, on to my points – if you are still with me.

I am getting so tired over the years of reading articles, hearing speakers and reading social media posts discussing on how we need to do a better job catering to Boomers, Millennials or any other age group because of their unique life position or status or their age group to help them achieve success, job satisfaction or just to feel good about themselves. Enough.  If I hear one more speaker tell me that we need to start adjusting our cultures to help certain people feel like they belong – enough.  If one more link or Facebook post tells me these poor folks deserve more of our compassion and understanding, safe spaces or the ability to enjoy life exceptions that the rest of us don’t enjoy  – get over it – “The world owes you nothing and does not need your approval, it was here first.” Mark Twain.

They are all employees – regardless of their age - doing a job that needs to be done so your organization can survive, compete or thrive.  They have responsibilities and tasks and they get paid for doing them.  Should it be safe?  Yes.  Should you be respectful of them regardless of their age, gender, race etc.? Yes. Should their job be empowering? Yes. Should it be fun? Yes. Should it be defined by them and the way they want to do it?  NO. The job is not about them (any particular group or life segment) and it never has been.  It’s about their skills making a contribution to your effectiveness whether they like their job or not and if they don’t like it, they can quit.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not referring here to respect, tolerance, giving them the tools and training they need etc.  What I’m talking about is changing the rules or creating a certain culture to make certain people feel more welcome, connected or like they belong. Sure, Google’s culture is defined around the majority of their employees and their wants and needs, and Google has been very successful. Let ask you – are you Google? Apple?  Facebook - or a local or regional business doing your best to compete and survive day after day – year after year?

In the following, I will do my best to share what and why I have stated the above and believe it is a dominant mindset in today’s business world.  Stay with me or click ‘next’ but please don’t email me with your “personal opinion that you think I’m an idiot – (I’ve been called that on more than one occasion speaking to thousands of audience around the world) but one thing I have learned is that sooner or later someone or everyone will disagree with me and/or you and that’s OK.

So, here we go! Just a quick FYI – I’m not going to list all of the special traits, needs, desires etc. of any specific group of employees – I don’t have the time or the interest. “So, Tim, what’s the point of this article then?”

Simple – 1) what are the common needs or desires of all of us. 2) What do we all need to bring to the table if we want to be of value to our employer? 3) What are the common challenges or issues of all of us? And 4) what can we do, or should we do if our needs, talents, goals or desires are not being met or satisfied.

1)What are the common needs or desires of all of us?

I could go back a few thousand years or just a few decades and ask you what are the human needs or desires that have been the foundation of humanity forever?

Well, for starters - there’s the desire for survival, financial security, the need to be loved and love, the desire for respect. The hope of a better future regardless of the status quo of the present. For some - the need for control and fame or fortune and for others the need for appreciation and recognition.  The desire for happiness and health and freedom. The desire to belong to a group, family or some entity.  The desire for safety and the hope of being of value or mattering to someone or some group or somewhere.

And then there are the ones that people say matter but only after they have all of the previous ones - Having high paying jobs - Looking better,

losing weight and toning their bodies - learning new things - living longer with their families - being comfortable - having more pleasure to satisfy their appetite and desires – yada . . . yada . . . yada . . .

Let’s just pick three from the first list and let me ask you – does it matter whether you are 21, 35, 50 or 80 when it comes to these three – for example - survival, the desire for love and the desire to belong?  Not sure – well why not spend a few minutes on social media and see if the posts vary depending on age or gender – yes, they will due to gender, but I ask you do Boomers want to be less valued than Millennials or vice versa?  I don’t think so. It’s ok to have special or personal needs but is it my job to put those ahead of the success of our organization?  I doubt it.

2)As an employee what do we need to bring to the table or job to be of value to our employer? 

We give our employers our time, creativity, talent, effort, skills, experience, and a major part of our life - sometimes even half of our life and as a result, we feel we deserve more or better from them.  No – you chose to give these to your employer. And you say, no, they expect that of me.  OK, so you agreed to give these and others to them - or consider - how about a different career or employer?  You are not a slave – you have a choice – you can stay or leave - or just start your own business - be your own employer and employee – but before you do that - consider this option - you will more than likely end up working longer and harder for yourself than you ever had working for someone else.  Trust me, I know – having been self-employed for over thirty-five years I have worked harder and longer than I ever would have had to working for someone else.

3) What are the common challenges or issues of all of us? 

This list is really long so let me summarize it. We all sooner or later have to deal with - invalidation, uncertainty, poor or no employee training or development, poor or no recognition or appreciation, bosses with a self-serving, stupid or arrogant and egotistical attitude, stupid or incompetent supervisors, insufficient compensation, lousy or even unsafe work environment, and negative organization cultures.  Yes, there are many more, but I’ll wager that if you have ever been terminated or quit it was due to one or more of the above.

If you are tolerating any of the negatives above or others you are doing it for one of three reasons – you are ok with the issue as it is not of significant importance to you as you do your job, you feel stuck and have to put up with it because you don’t feel you can get a different or better position somewhere else or there are self-esteem issues in you that justify what you are receiving as acceptable even deserved.

4) What can we do, or should we do if our needs, talents, goals or desires are not being met or satisfied.

This one is simple – either start growing, learning, adapting, maturing or quit.

In summary – all I’m trying to say here is – as a manager or business owner be careful of letting the desires or even demands of certain groups of employees drive your business model, strategies, marketing and policies, and culture.

As an employee – your employer does not need to create a safe space for you to ensure you can and do your best while on the job – life is not always easy – deal with it – get over it – handle it – learn from it.