The
pain and stupidity of comparison
Tim
Connor
Many people’s idea of success is nothing more than a
comparison of them to others. And who do
you think these folks compare themselves too – people; who are smarter,
wealthier, happier, more attractive, more influential, or just better off in
some way? I seriously doubt it. These folks, to feel better about themselves
in some or in any area of their lives must look
better than others. I know,
because there was a time in my past when I was guilty of this stupid life
philosophy.
Why do we care what other people think about us? Why do we
need other’s approval? Why are we afraid to show or share weakness, failure or
inadequacies? Why do thousands of people
every day add new “amazing” photos of themselves to social media sites? Is it
only for approval, or due to insecurity or just an egotistical life approach
OR, could it be all of these or even something else?
I went to one of my ‘friends’ social media pages (someone
I do not know – so they are really a stranger) pages before writing this
article and they had over 950 photos of themselves. Who has time for that? Who is interested in
seeing all of them? No disrespect intended – but I just don’t get it. Many
single people (according to their profiles) routinely add numerous photos
(mostly them at their best) every week. But a better question is - why the
need? Does
this approach make them feel – unconsciously or quietly in their own
mind – better than others or are they just searching subtly for some type of acceptance? I am not judging but I can say
that as long as you don’t have your own self-approval or self-acceptance it’s
doubtful you will ever get enough of it from others.
Please understand -
regardless of your wide circle of friends, your hundreds of social media
connections and the thousands of people who you will meet in your lifetime –
you will always find people who are
better off than you are and worse off, better looking than you and uglier,
poorer and richer, happier and sadder.
People who have a healthy self-esteem, like themselves or
are real, tend not to need to compare themselves to others.
Success is not a comparison of you to someone who is less
successful. If you must – success is a
comparison of you and your past or present to your own potential.
Happiness is not about what you have, and others don’t,
but who you are -inside-out not outside-in.
Contentment, inner peace, and
self-love are not about anyone else or anything else – it is simply an
acceptance of who you are and where you are going where you have been and what
you have. This does not imply that a
lack of initiative, purpose, effort –
whatever – is not required for what you want in life but what you want is up to
you.
If you want to stay; poor, unhealthy, alone etc. – that is
your choice but if you want something more or better in life, that’s ok too – all I am suggesting is use your own
standards, not someone’s who has less or
more.
It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t benefit from new skills or
better attitudes, more learning or positive change, new lessons and new
experiences.
So, in summary - what’s
the point or value of comparison? It’s all about “you and what you have, what
you know, what you are, what you believe, what you have accomplished, what you
look like, who you know, etc. etc. etc. compared to someone or something else
that is or has less.”
If this is, you – is it working? Do you feel OK with who you are, where you
have been, where you are going and what you have or own? Or, are you on a mission to – do more, have
more, be more so you can finally be ok when you are compared to what others
think or believe about you?
My life mantra is simple – I was not put on this earth for
your approval. Like me, don’t like me,
approve of me or don’t, judge me or don’t – whatever - I don’t care. I’m not
perfect in any way and never will be. I
am not famous and don’t need to be. I could have more or better stuff, but I’m
ok with what I have.
In the end – trust me - the only acceptance that really
matters is your own of you.
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