The Yes or No Life Dilemma

Yes or No . . . That is the dilemma!

Tim Connor

Ever said no and later wished you had said Yes? How about the reverse – said yes and later wished you had said no?  Come on – we all do both frequently and some of us more often that we should and why?  Lots of reasons but first what are the consequences of either option –

Consequences of saying no but in hindsight wishing you had said yes

I could go on for pages, but how about a few of the more common ones.

Lost opportunities. The failure to learn an important lesson. Not connecting with or meeting someone new who could add value to your life, career or business. Missing an adventure that could create a new passion or activity in your life. And the loss of a valuable life lesson that needed to be learned and now you have just put it off once again into the future

Consequences of saying yes but in hindsight wishing you had said no

I could go on for hours with this one as I have been really guilty here, but I won’t divulge all of my dirty linen, you have better things to do, but suffice it to say I share this one with humility, a lot of experience and the need to develop better approaches to these kinds of situations.

So, the consequences of a yes too soon or for the wrong reasons can cause; regret, emotional pain, wasted time and resources, a loss of character, ongoing struggles, conflict that takes time, patience and surrender to resolve, coming across as easy, being manipulated but others, the inner pain of remorse and disappointment and unexpected and unplanned for outcomes or results.

Why do we say yes –

Oh, man this one is huge for many people. But I’ll keep it brief.

The desire not to hurt others feelings.  The need to feel accommodating. Low self-esteem.  Ego needs.  Arrogance and self-righteousness.  The need for others approval. The way to avoid the emotion of guilt. Fear of rejection. Political correctness. To avoid conflict. To be liked, loved and/or appreciated.  Now if you are guilty of this one – add your own reasons.

Why do we say no –

There are numerous reasons why we say no; to avoid rejection, fear of making a mistake in some life area, poor self-confidence, self-belief and self-trust, concern that we can’t handle the future consequences or responsibilities of a yes, the need to maintain control, avoiding being used by others and generally the uncertainty that may result and our desire to not let this uncertainty derail or control us.

One of the biggest causes is our comfort with our routines and activities that we have developed and believe are in our short and long term best interests.

And the answer to the question in the title is . . .

Here are a few to ponder;

Listen to your inner voice.

Listen to your heart.

Don’t let fear rule your life.

Ask – do I need this now?

Clean out your mental filter.

Ask- what has your past taught you?

Consult with people you trust.

Spend time in silence just listening.

Ask yourself –what’s the wise thing to do.

Ask yourself –is the timing right?

Ask – What would Jesus do?

Keep a journal of decisions made and outcomes and refer to it frequently.

Play the movie – in other words – think ahead of all of the potential consequences and outcomes both positive and negative and ask yourself – can I handle them? Would I want to miss this?  What can I learn? Do I have a choice?  Am I stuck in the past or future?  Keep going . . . keep asking . . .

“When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.” 

Lord Falkland