Thought Monsters

What will your Life (this day) be like?

Filled with thought Monsters or thought Boosters

Monsters                                         Boosters

Fear                                                 Hope

  Doubt                                               Love

Grief                                                Joy

  Disappointment                                  Gratitude

Despair                                             Calm

  Discouragement                                 Peace

Anxiety                                             Happiness

  Stress                                               Confidence

Sadness                                            Trust    

  Guilt                                                  Poise

Worry                                               Bliss

  Loneliness                                          Pleasure

Regret                                              Tranquility

  Anger                                                Serenity

Jealousy                                            Optimism

  Suspicion                                           Cheerfulness

Self-pity                                            Hopefulness

  Uncertainty                                        Delight

Gloom                                               Appreciation

  Apprehension                                     Patience

Hesitation                                          Integrity 

  Unhappiness                                       Kindness    

Selfishness                                        Generosity

  Egotism                                             Compassion                                  Self-absorption                                  Empathy

                             You choose!!! 

What motivates you

What motivates you?

Tim Connor

Or a better question could be – what de-motivates you? Let’s take a brief look at both issues. Motivators and de-motivators.

Motiv-ation – motives (goals, objectives, needs, wants) linked to action.

For years many people have relied on outside-in motivators such as fear, incentives, rewards or punishment to cause them to act but real motivation is inside-out not outside in.  Why?  Well, if you need or wait for an outside-in motivator what if it doesn’t happen or show up?  Do you just sit there and wait? Not a good strategy if you want success, achievement, happiness or results.

I am not going to delve into what success and happiness are but know that people who enjoy both take responsibility for their motivation and don’t turn it over to the outside world – supervisors, spouses, parents, friends or any other source – they get it – that if they want some degree of control over their life they need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and get moving with a degree of consistency, purpose and passion. They don’t wait for the world to give them what they want or need – they move and if their movements fail to yield the results they want they learn, adjust and act again.

The world owes us nothing as Mark Twain once said and he is right.  Yes, we don’t always get what we want or think we need.  Yes, bad things happen and yes, life doesn’t always behave the way we want it to or think it should but – that’s life.

Motivated people don’t let failure, mistakes, adversity or problems keep them from pursuing their goals, dreams or desires with dedication, commitment and purpose.  They understand that life often gives them something they didn’t want or expect but in the end they keep at it in spite of negative circumstances or disappointment.

I have never met a successful or happy person during my world travels that didn’t understand this simple truth – if you want something you go after it and you are not sidetracked by temporary or unwanted circumstances.

So, what are some common motivators that drive successful and happy people?

There are many but a few of the common ones are; the desire to serve others, the desire to have a certain degree of control over their lives, self-satisfaction, the ability to pursue creative expression, the inner need to achieve, the will to not let the world control them, the awareness that what they achieve is up to them and the willingness to do what is necessary or what they can to leave a positive legacy of some type.

And the de-motivators are; fear of failure, the need for approval, the desire to be perfect, disappointment, a lack of patience or control over things they can’t control, guilt, resentment, anger, feeling like a victim and common today – an entitlement mindset.

In the end we all achieve or don’t due simply to our definition of motivation and our behavior when dealing with the negative motivators and our desire to have as much control over our lie as we feel possible given all of the world circumstances; the economy, weather, opportunities – perceived or real, difficulties – again perceived or real and evil that exists every day everywhere.

The choice is really simple – do what you can, take charge, get moving and keep moving, trust God, keep learning and growing or give in and give up.

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what

keeps you going.”

Jim Ryun

The pitfalls of pride

The Pitfalls of Pride

Tim Connor

Pride is a human trait that can ruin your life or it can give you success, happiness and contentment.  Why the difference?

Every emotion, feeling, attitude and mindset all have degrees of emphasis or dominance. For example – confidence is a positive trait but too much of it and you may become over confident and that won’t necessarily bode well for you in your life. Boldness or assertiveness can serve you well but if they become rudeness or aggressiveness – again – might not be endearing qualities that serve you well in your relationships.

So, everything has a degree factor too little, too much or an appropriate amount given a situation, circumstances or relationship. Yes there are times when we need to assert ourselves but there are also times when humility will be a better approach.  Yes, confidence is a positive trait but I have seen many people destroy their career, business or life in general when they became over confident.

How are we to know what is the correct amount of pride to maintain and demonstrate in our life?  Wonderful question. Let’s talk about it.

First what is pride? Pride – How about a few synonyms - arrogance, conceit, smugness or self importance – or a definition - a haughty attitude shown by somebody who believes, often unjustifiably, that he or she is better than others - something such as an achievement or possession that somebody feels especially pleased and satisfied with -the happy satisfied feeling somebody experiences when having or achieving something special that other people admire.  The opposite of all of these is humility – the quality of being modest, meekness and/or respectful.

What are some of the negative consequences of too much pride?

- increased conflict with others.

- the inability to admit to mistakes or weaknesses.

- bad decisions.

- knee jerk responses to circumstances that require more thoughtful

   consideration.

- negative future consequences that could have been avoided.

- increased stress.

I could go on, but these are enough I believe that require you seriously consider taking a closer look at your level of pride and its impact on your career, relationships and life in general.

There are two ways to view the trait or characteristic of pride – from a spiritual perspective and from a human one.

From a spiritual perspective –

“As humility goes before honor, pride goes before a fall.” Prov. 16:18

“God gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5

From a human perspective –

Think about it for a moment that last time you had a conflict or disagreement with someone – was pride a factor with either or both of you?

Pride is a good quality to have when it is used for self-good or the good of others. But when it takes over your attitudes, values, mindsets, expectations and personal philosophy, trust me sooner or later you are going to experience some negatives as a result.  These may not be life threatening but they can certainly be relationship threatening.

“Happiness, greatness and pride –

nothing is secure, nothing keeps.”

Euripides

Goodbyes are never easy

Goodbye is never easy

Tim Connor

I’ll bet during your life you have had to say a final – goodbye – to someone, whether due to a relationship ending, change of location, a new career or even death.

In some cases our goodbyes can be only temporary, but on many occasions they are permanent. Oh, you thought maybe you said that you would keep in touch with someone, but as the years passed one day you suddenly realized that what you thought was a temporary goodbye was a permanent one.

There are many emotions during any goodbye which can include; regret, disappointment, anger, grief, sadness, surrender or others.  In my experience when we say goodbye there are seldom positive, joyful or happy feelings associated with most of our endings.  Yes, there can sometimes be no or passive emotions – just acceptance or even apathy or indifference.  And yes, some of our goodbyes can help us to begin some new and even exiting or beneficial aspect of our next life chapter – thus a new beginning.

During my life there have been many goodbyes both permanent and in a some cases temporary – friends, family, co-workers, clients and even a few neighbors that I was close to for a time, but all of these endings regardless of their type or circumstances caused me to reflect on my life in general.   

How about you?  Goodbyes ever caused you to examine your feelings, emotions, attitudes or mindsets as a result of these situations?

In some ways I like goodbyes but in other ways I do my best to avoid them.  But when we refuse to say goodbye internally there will always be residual and ongoing inner pain of some kind.

If someone has passed away that you were close to but failed to forgive them or heal a broken relationship with them while they were alive – it’s now too late and you will have to live with the regret of failing to resolve these differences or tell them how you felt while they were still here.  You can’t imagine how many people are living with this inner pain because they lacked the courage or humility or compassion to take these steps while someone was still alive.

Maybe you had some really great friends in high school or college and the only time you see them is at an infrequent reunion.

When I was in high school I had 20 or 30 good friends (football or track buddies or just friends in general). When I got a copy of our 50^th reunion yearbook I discovered that there were only four of us left. I can’t tell you the pain that that made me feel and the tears I shed for not keeping in touch with even a few of these people.

I was recently flying to a speaking engagement in Texas and sat next to a woman in her 70’s who said she hadn’t talked to her daughter in over 25 years.  I’m not being judgmental here or accusing her or her daughter of the cause of this rift but think about it – sad?

Goodbyes can be wonderful teachers that can help us heal other relationships that are still active but filled with tension, pain, regret or even anger.  They can humble us and help us to become better friends, partners and relatives but we have to be willing to change, grow and often forgive.

Have a relationship now that needs some healing? Don’t wait - you never know when or where the next goodbye will come from.

“There is not a single moment in life we can afford to lose.”

Goulburn