Decisions, decisions and more decisions

Decision, Decisions

and More Decisions

Tim Connor

Facing a difficult decision? Expect to have to deal with one in the near future?  Putting off a decision for any number of reasons? Let’s talk about it.

I’m sure you have heard the phrase – failure to make a decision is to make a decision. Decision - something that somebody chooses or makes up his or her mind about, after considering it and other possible choices. The ability to choose or decide about things in a clear and definite way without too much hesitation or delay. (Just wanted to make sure we are on the same page.)

First of all making the decision is the easy part – it’s the action that must follow the decision that is often the most difficult or challenging for many people.  To decide is meaningless unless it is followed with appropriate action.

People make decisions every day; to lose weight, start exercising, to learn a new skill, to clean the house or get to work earlier every day but these are meaningless when all you do is decide.  It’s the action that is the most important part of the decision process.

So, having said this, why do people procrastinate when it comes to certain decisions and or the action that must or should follow?  Too many to list but most fall into the following categories; fear of failure, fear of success, fear of possible consequences, a concern that you won’t be able to handle what happens as a result of your decision, the concern for other’s opinions, past history of a lack of action, the wrong motives, doing it because someone else (spouse, friend, parent, boss) wants you too, laziness, a lack of discipline, a lack of commitment etc.

And, I’m not just talking here about major decisions; who you should date or marry, what career steps you should take, whether to move to a different part of the country, to buy or sell a house, to stay in a negative relationship but also things like; what to wear to a special event, what to say when your views or opinions are challenged, whether to initiate something - anything, what to do this weekend or what to eat or not eat.

Keep in mind that all decisions, followed by action, have consequences.  Some can be negative while others could be positive and some are long term (years) while some can be instant.

The question is – do you have a decision strategy or process when it comes to deciding – anything or do you just leave it all up to how you feel that day, the weather, chance or just luck and whatever will be –will be?

What exactly is a decision process or strategy?  Without giving you more information that you want, let me just repeat that making decisions is the easy part especially if you have a history of not following through on decisions.  So the real challenge is not the decision but the will, courage and confidence to take action.

I recall my friend Charlie Jones telling me years ago – “Stop trying to make good decisions. Sometimes good decisions can turn out wrong and bad decisions can turn out right.  The key is to make the decision and then make it turn out right with your actions, attitudes and behavior.”

A simple decision process is; consider all alternatives and their potential consequences (you can’t guarantee any of these), stay in reality and not fantasy, deal in truth and not just personal perception as perceptions are often based on many false premises, decide, develop a plan to implement your decision and make sure it includes possible obstacles, opportunities and the potential for failure, write down the plan, give it a timeline for results or outcomes, keep inspecting your actions and adjust as necessary, if you find that you don’t have passion, courage or confidence in the actions then re-visit the decision.

There are many more steps and I have not delved into the details of the previous steps – the thing to keep in mind is that – if you want something to happen – be better, happen sooner, not happen etc the key is in the actions but you must have faith in the decision otherwise the actions will be nothing more than imaginings.

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.”

George Bernard Shaw

Thought Monsters

What will your Life (this day) be like?

Filled with thought Monsters or thought Boosters

Monsters                                         Boosters

Fear                                                 Hope

  Doubt                                               Love

Grief                                                Joy

  Disappointment                                  Gratitude

Despair                                             Calm

  Discouragement                                 Peace

Anxiety                                             Happiness

  Stress                                               Confidence

Sadness                                            Trust    

  Guilt                                                  Poise

Worry                                               Bliss

  Loneliness                                          Pleasure

Regret                                              Tranquility

  Anger                                                Serenity

Jealousy                                            Optimism

  Suspicion                                           Cheerfulness

Self-pity                                            Hopefulness

  Uncertainty                                        Delight

Gloom                                               Appreciation

  Apprehension                                     Patience

Hesitation                                          Integrity 

  Unhappiness                                       Kindness    

Selfishness                                        Generosity

  Egotism                                             Compassion                                  Self-absorption                                  Empathy

                             You choose!!! 

What motivates you

What motivates you?

Tim Connor

Or a better question could be – what de-motivates you? Let’s take a brief look at both issues. Motivators and de-motivators.

Motiv-ation – motives (goals, objectives, needs, wants) linked to action.

For years many people have relied on outside-in motivators such as fear, incentives, rewards or punishment to cause them to act but real motivation is inside-out not outside in.  Why?  Well, if you need or wait for an outside-in motivator what if it doesn’t happen or show up?  Do you just sit there and wait? Not a good strategy if you want success, achievement, happiness or results.

I am not going to delve into what success and happiness are but know that people who enjoy both take responsibility for their motivation and don’t turn it over to the outside world – supervisors, spouses, parents, friends or any other source – they get it – that if they want some degree of control over their life they need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and get moving with a degree of consistency, purpose and passion. They don’t wait for the world to give them what they want or need – they move and if their movements fail to yield the results they want they learn, adjust and act again.

The world owes us nothing as Mark Twain once said and he is right.  Yes, we don’t always get what we want or think we need.  Yes, bad things happen and yes, life doesn’t always behave the way we want it to or think it should but – that’s life.

Motivated people don’t let failure, mistakes, adversity or problems keep them from pursuing their goals, dreams or desires with dedication, commitment and purpose.  They understand that life often gives them something they didn’t want or expect but in the end they keep at it in spite of negative circumstances or disappointment.

I have never met a successful or happy person during my world travels that didn’t understand this simple truth – if you want something you go after it and you are not sidetracked by temporary or unwanted circumstances.

So, what are some common motivators that drive successful and happy people?

There are many but a few of the common ones are; the desire to serve others, the desire to have a certain degree of control over their lives, self-satisfaction, the ability to pursue creative expression, the inner need to achieve, the will to not let the world control them, the awareness that what they achieve is up to them and the willingness to do what is necessary or what they can to leave a positive legacy of some type.

And the de-motivators are; fear of failure, the need for approval, the desire to be perfect, disappointment, a lack of patience or control over things they can’t control, guilt, resentment, anger, feeling like a victim and common today – an entitlement mindset.

In the end we all achieve or don’t due simply to our definition of motivation and our behavior when dealing with the negative motivators and our desire to have as much control over our lie as we feel possible given all of the world circumstances; the economy, weather, opportunities – perceived or real, difficulties – again perceived or real and evil that exists every day everywhere.

The choice is really simple – do what you can, take charge, get moving and keep moving, trust God, keep learning and growing or give in and give up.

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what

keeps you going.”

Jim Ryun

The pitfalls of pride

The Pitfalls of Pride

Tim Connor

Pride is a human trait that can ruin your life or it can give you success, happiness and contentment.  Why the difference?

Every emotion, feeling, attitude and mindset all have degrees of emphasis or dominance. For example – confidence is a positive trait but too much of it and you may become over confident and that won’t necessarily bode well for you in your life. Boldness or assertiveness can serve you well but if they become rudeness or aggressiveness – again – might not be endearing qualities that serve you well in your relationships.

So, everything has a degree factor too little, too much or an appropriate amount given a situation, circumstances or relationship. Yes there are times when we need to assert ourselves but there are also times when humility will be a better approach.  Yes, confidence is a positive trait but I have seen many people destroy their career, business or life in general when they became over confident.

How are we to know what is the correct amount of pride to maintain and demonstrate in our life?  Wonderful question. Let’s talk about it.

First what is pride? Pride – How about a few synonyms - arrogance, conceit, smugness or self importance – or a definition - a haughty attitude shown by somebody who believes, often unjustifiably, that he or she is better than others - something such as an achievement or possession that somebody feels especially pleased and satisfied with -the happy satisfied feeling somebody experiences when having or achieving something special that other people admire.  The opposite of all of these is humility – the quality of being modest, meekness and/or respectful.

What are some of the negative consequences of too much pride?

- increased conflict with others.

- the inability to admit to mistakes or weaknesses.

- bad decisions.

- knee jerk responses to circumstances that require more thoughtful

   consideration.

- negative future consequences that could have been avoided.

- increased stress.

I could go on, but these are enough I believe that require you seriously consider taking a closer look at your level of pride and its impact on your career, relationships and life in general.

There are two ways to view the trait or characteristic of pride – from a spiritual perspective and from a human one.

From a spiritual perspective –

“As humility goes before honor, pride goes before a fall.” Prov. 16:18

“God gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5

From a human perspective –

Think about it for a moment that last time you had a conflict or disagreement with someone – was pride a factor with either or both of you?

Pride is a good quality to have when it is used for self-good or the good of others. But when it takes over your attitudes, values, mindsets, expectations and personal philosophy, trust me sooner or later you are going to experience some negatives as a result.  These may not be life threatening but they can certainly be relationship threatening.

“Happiness, greatness and pride –

nothing is secure, nothing keeps.”

Euripides